Say something im giv Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Hi this is my first time posting...I have read alot of stuff on here of other experiences...some have surely made sense... I just feel the need so share my situation and ask for advice. In this seemingly endless moment of fralty and heart break i have tears rolling down my cheeks...Im looking for some other advice beside time heals all wounds and if it was meant to be then she will come back.So here it goes please bare with me. THE RELATIONSHIP Im a 29 yr old male. I met a 31 yr old women at work...She was a manager at a different area. she was two mnths out of a yr relationship when we first started talking. A friend told us both that the other had been making comments about each other, good comments. we talked and ended up going on a date.. I was so shy and she thought that was so cute...i was doing everything right.being respectful and taking time.. We started seeing each other a few days a week and talking all day on the phone.. I made her laugh at everything and she made me feel like i was the greatest. She had her own place and her two kids every other week all week... She didnt want me to meet them for a while and i have a daughter so i agreed on that.. I would sneak around making sure the kids didnt see me... We were having such a great time... I lived an hr away from her and my work so a couple times a week i would stay the night.. This was after a month... She was happy with this and actually wanted me to stay more. She would get so upset if i was gone for more then 2 days. Everything was perfect... I never thought about anyone else and I trusted and loved everything about her, I bought her flows every week for 20 weeks. sometimes a rose sometimes 2 dozen. after two mnths she moved back home and i actually had just lost my job and vehicle as a result. I moved back home too..and this point she was telling me i was the best bf she had ever had, and that she was so lucky.. she even said that she would marry me if i asked her. she was my best friend. She would always make comments that i would leave her and that i would cheat...she was insecure from past relationships.. At this point i had met her kids and she mine. Everyone got along very well and i even got a job with her step dad.. Becasue of not having a vehicle and working with her step dad i was staying there 4 days a week in her bed room with her..at about 2 and a half mnths she said that she wasnt ready for me to move in and live with her as much.. I was a little upset but stopped coming over as much...at three months things were still pretty good but i could tell that she was starting to get a little annoyed with some things thats i would even if i was joking of just being an idiot..she started to become a little distant and the sex started too slow.I know that she was pretty annoyed bc i snored and that she had to drive me to get my daughter or drive me home amoungst other things. At four mnths she looked depressed but seemed to bounch back and be all lovey with me..We dated 5 mnths THE BREAK UP She txt me at work and said that we need to talk. She wasnt ready she rushed things she didnt want a relationship right now that things have changed since she moved into her mothers house. No nagotiating and that i wasnt gonna chage her mind right now..i asked her to think on it over night and she said that she would do that.. The next morning she said that felt the same as she did the night before that she needed a break. She said tha we could be friends and that we could go out here and there and see were it goes. She just needs a little space... I didnt handle the break up verywell I think from the shock bc everything seemed so good.. Noone had a clue.. Its been about 10 days and at first i txt her here and there to see how she was doing and she would txt back.. then after a couple of days she stopped responding.. I got upset and mad saying that i must have been a rebound, and that she didnt really care about me and that i felt like everything was a lie. I would txting her saying sorry explaining myself with no response.. Id try to make small talk here and there for the last few days with my response... I i was never reall a dick to her or anything and i never called her names outside of a jerk...It was just to hard for me to let go...Most forums say that You should nvr try and get in touth that they need time ti miss you and that youll only push them away by not giving them space..I kept talking to her about all of these issues for the passed 10 days and she hasnt responded. Will she come back? Did I do to much damage these passed 10 days by annoying her and not giving her space? How likely is it that she will miss me wen remembering all the fun times that we had? What do I do now, give here space and contact her in few weeks or a month... She has been very cold,, Took me of fb right away... All my mom and brother tell me is...no matter how you that you handled the break up, if she really did love you she will be back. and if not then maybe she didnt feel the way that she did at first and that she got scared and ended it before it got outta control. I just dont know my best move right now, i beieve there was true love there at that momment it was just at the wrong time .. I know that I have a little time because she works alot and is a home body and she doesnt go out much so I dont thing that really have to worry about another guy... What do I do? Please and thanks 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 She sounds like she's gone to me. Before you spoke up and got mad. She made changes to get some space, so she's moving away, not moving toward. I'm sorry. Her reason "doesn't want a relationship right now" and the fact sex had slacked off (often sex is the first thing that goes for a woman losing interest in a man) was her letting you down gently, I suppose. Whether she intends to maintain any contact with you at all, well, the ball is in her court, I guess. Since she created space, then I'd certainly give her space and not be trying to contact her ever again and just leave it to her. You've already tried. Keep your dignity and respect her decision. Start going and doing things with friends and try to stay busy and not focus on it all the time. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Give her the space she has asked for. In this context, 'space' means no contact. If she wants to talk with you, she will. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
LydiaLong Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I would say you need to move on. She is seeing a lot of red flags that she didn't see at the beginning, like your not having a job or vehicle, etc. I would stop communicating with her. If she changes her mind down the road, she'll call. But don't count on it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Say something im giv Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 the job and vehicle thingwere short term like 3 weeks.. I have had a job and vehicle for sometime now actually.i was collecting unemployement..honostly it all started when she moved in with her mom. me her and her kids confined to two rooms..its wierd bc i literally didnt have a car for 3 or 4 weeks and she was driving me around abit but she never said anything about that..but anyway she said that things moved to fast once we moved in with her mom and she has always been a loner...I suggested talking about any issues and she said that she didnt want to fix it right now that she needed time for herself, and that she wanted to be alone...maybe she realized that she didnt love me as much as she did at first Link to post Share on other sites
Author Say something im giv Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 no the sex slipped for like 3 weeks because i started a new job 12/hrs a day hard manual labor and i was exhausted when i could get home... Idk im kinda thinking that she didnt love me as much as she thought from the beginning and shes being so cold to cut it off at the head instead of dragging it off Link to post Share on other sites
Author Say something im giv Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 i would just like to figure out my best chance of having her in my life again..as either a friend or a gf.. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 You best chance is to not contact her and see if she ends up recontacting you. But I would caution that even if she does and says you can be friends, you shouldn't try that because you are too in love with her -- and her saying to be friends is just that, only friends. It doesn't mean more. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Say something im giv Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 I Know today is my first day of NC. We have been broke up 10 days.. I would txt every other day..most times she never txt me back anyway. and when she did she was short with me and Im not on FB with her she took me off a couple days after we broke up...Its wierd because shes being so cold when our relationship was so warm.. She has put a definate wall up... Maybe thats how she deals with break ups *No emotion...Which is obviously easier with the dumper i think. She is doing a definate NC. I figure things probably changed for her when she moved back home and I had got a job with her step dad.. That coupled with getting out of a yr relationship a couple months before we started dating probably put a lot of pressure on her and thus why she felt lings where moving to fast...She was unsure and she let me go instead of dragging it on... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Say something im giv Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 I should have comletely left her alone for the first week or so, Im kicking myself in the ass for that now. When I sent her a last txt I apologized for that and said it was hard for me to let go bc of how much I cared for her and that I may not understand everything but she deserves respt and her space if thats what she really wants....no reply of course...I wasnt an ******* just acted hurt during the break up,,no name calling or insults..... I did take very good care of her and we were very happy most of the time.. So I hope that she remembers that and misses me and reaches out to me... Either that or maybe it'll take for her to date some jerk like all of the rest of her exs to realize that i was good to her... I really wont hold my breath bc she is a very strong, independant, loner who is very busy. So I dont expect her to show up anytime soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Say something im giv Posted February 16, 2016 Author Share Posted February 16, 2016 After how long does any one this that its ok to break NC... and whats the best way to do that...Anyway thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted February 16, 2016 Share Posted February 16, 2016 She may very well miss the good times but that does not mean she wants you back. You chasing her in the 1st weeks was simply you fighting for what you wanted. It didn't work & now you have to accept that the relationship is over. No matter what you did -- act as you did or sit passively on the sidelines -- the relationship would still be over because she was done. Nothing you did do or could have done would have changed that so stop beating yourself up. Lick your wounds but assume you will never hear from her again. Now focus on getting yourself a new job. Link to post Share on other sites
privategal Posted February 17, 2016 Share Posted February 17, 2016 Give her lots of time and space. No matter how much it hurts do not reach out at all not once. Allow her all the time in the world. Once someone gets to a point they dont want to talk...any communication makes it SO much worse and pushes them away. Dont even say you love or miss her. Right now and for several months just set her free and think positively as hard as that is, just keep practicing baby steps of healing. Listen to "recovering from a breakup" guided meditation on youtube. Get your heart and mind straight, exercise and eat healthy and rest and put focus into work. Theuniverse and time will help. Right now do nothing but just think good thoughts toward yourself first. Just be peaceful and believe there is a plan for your future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Say something im giv Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 thanks for the supporr..the hardest part is truely doin nc..u think maybe if u say the right thing she ll start to talk back..i miss her alot..but will live..tgank you all Link to post Share on other sites
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