Jump to content

Hurt me the first time, devastated me the second


LoveStinks8

Recommended Posts

So, I fell in love with a guy I work with. Big mistake, and now I don't know what to do.

 

We work in a very small business of less than 10 employees. When I started working there he started flirting with me and had a common-law wife but said they were on their way out. I know this was true because she came into where I worked with him one day crying her eyes out because they were fighting. They broke up not long after I started working there and he and I started hanging out. I was just out of a long-term relationship and still hurting very much so I told him that I didn't want to get involved with anyone.

 

I was driving over an hour each way to get to my job and so I knew I needed to move closer. He was looking for a roommate so we ended up living together. I had a bit of a crush on him and he on me but we kept it civil because we were both fresh out of a serious relationship.

 

Within a month we ended up getting too close too fast and we were basically dating. My ex immediately moved on to someone else after our relationship and as much as it hurt at the time it helped me to move on because he wasn't available for me after our break-up. However my new guy's ex was. She was begging and pleading to come home and he still had deep feelings for her which I knew but was afraid to really internalize what that meant and how bad of a position it put me in.

 

A month or so later he admitted to me that he had been going out to see his ex (he wasn't actually cheating on me because we weren't together but of course it still hurt) and that he wanted to go back to her. I moved out and was hurt but accepted it and tried to move on.

 

Here's where working with him becomes a problem. He got back with his ex but he never let me go. He continued to flirt with me and touch me at work (I had to put a stop to this through management) and he emotionally held on to me by telling me he loved me and just didn't feel he could throw three years with her away when he still cared about her. He was there for me for absolutely anything that I needed and about a month into him being back with her he was hanging out with me on the side. I knew that it was wrong and that it should at least show me who he was as a person if nothing else. He was constantly telling me he was fighting with his girlfriend and he was texting me all the time upset. Not quite two months after they got back together they broke up again. He immediately came back to me and I stupidly let him back in. I was wary but this time she moved all of her belongings out and it seemed very much finished. She cheated on him, he cheated on her... there's a lot of complicated backstory to it, regardless they "hated" each other and it seemed done.

 

He told me he didn't want a relationship with me but then started acting like we were in one. I was a weak weak person and let him in. All was fine until about a month later and she came back into his life. That was four months ago and it has been a bunch of flip flopping crap ever since. Last weekend I went out with a male friend because I was getting frustrated and hurt by being bound by his rules of a relationship when they only applied to me and he could "do as he pleased." As soon as I went out with a guy, his ex was at his house.

 

I decided enough is enough and I told him that until/unless he removed her from his life permanently that I couldn't be a part of it anymore. Now all of a sudden he magically wants to work it out with his ex even though just 5 days ago it was "never going to happen" and he was "just having a hard time getting over her."

 

Regardless of if he'll actually get back with her or not, this is NOT a guy I need in my life anymore... and saying that kills me. Now I need some advice on how to stick to my guns, how to handle work, and how to get over him... Someone please help me because I feel like I'm breaking apart inside.

Link to post
Share on other sites

You have to realize that for many men, the ideal is not "meet the right ONE and live happily ever after" ; it's "try to keep more than one around so you have one to flee to when the other blows up."

 

He's not over his ex. He's trying to keep both of you going. At the very least, you need to start dating other people as well. Do NOT sit there and be faithful to that.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...