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Just trying to make myself move on


amkxoxo

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I wasn't sure what forum subject to add this under. It's not really coping, but more just trying to move on, which to me are different. I don’t know what it is. I like him so much. We are both 24. I’ve known him for years. We flirt, we have chemistry, but he treats me like an option and not a priority. He won’t commit to me, or anyone else. He is a great guy, but his attitude towards us kills me with disappointment and sadness. I want to be with him. I’ve left other men because of him. He knows this. I try and make him happy. Sometimes he flirts with me, we will kiss, and have a great time together, but then I won’t hear from him for days, weeks. It hurts. Like I don’t matter. I only matter when he wants me to.

 

Every time I question his feelings for me, he claims he does have feelings for me. I even told him he was leading me on, and he claimed he was not, because people who lead other people on, don’t actually have any feelings for them, they lie. Saying he does have feelings for me. But when I bring up his feelings for me as a valid reason to be together, he tells me, he isn’t ready. He isn’t happy with himself, or in the mindset to be in a relationship. He can’t give me what I would want in a relationship right now. I guess I just don’t get how you could have feelings for someone and not want to be with them, and work on yourself in the process. He’s been working on himself for years now. He hasn’t been in a relationship for years. He dated one other girl briefly while he and I were not speaking, as I have also dated other men. I just always come back to him. He has the look, the charm, the intelligence, the attitude, the upbringing, the work ethic, of someone I have always wanted. I’ve argued with him over us many times. I feel desperate. He makes me feel this way. I am not a desperate or sad person.

 

I love him. But he doesn’t deserve my love. I feel like I build up all these expectations of him, and he always lets me down. He doesn’t think I should expect anything. His last two long term relationships, the women left him high and dry for other men. He has some issues revolving around that. But I feel like at this point, I have shown him, proved to him, and plain out told him that I care about him and want to be with him.

 

Like last week we argued through text message. I told him I was the player and he was on the sidelines, and all I ever do is wait for him to play. He said he is on the sidelines trying to better himself, so when he steps on the field, he is the winning player. Then he said he was trying to decide if he ever wanted to play in general. I told him that I didn’t care about him being the winning player right away, and that I can appreciate someone going out and trying to be the winning player, starting as a rookie, and proving themselves, as long as they try. He says he just can’t do it. He then mentions moving away possibly. I tell him it hurts me to hear that. He says that I would just have to move on and he would go and play on different fields. Well if he can’t play on my field, then how will he go off and play on other ones. He will probably sit on the sidelines of those fields too.

 

I told him then he should go, figure out what he wants, and be alone.

 

This must have freaked him the tiniest bit, because a few days later he started texting me out of the blue, and asking me if I wanted to do something. I was shocked. I went over his house. We had a really good time. There was so much chemistry., We ended up flirting a lot and making out. It was nice. I thought maybe he got spooked by the fact that he needed to be alone. But then after that I did not hear from him. I started trying to talk with him and text. He isn’t very responsive. Yesterday was his birthday. I was excited for him. He hates his birthday because he has an issue with people in his family getting older and dying. It bother him a lot. But it’s still a birthday. I mentioned us doing something after both of our work days. He said his dad might stop by and see him for a little while. I told him to let me know early if he is done with his dad.

 

He let me know at 8pm, that his dad wasn’t coming. I suggested we do something like go out and get a drink or just have some wine at his place. He was a debby downer and started saying how he didn’t know where to go get a drink or what to order. We are 24. He’s a bartender. He isn’t stupid. Si I suggested we do wine at his house. He started not responding right away. 8pm turned into 9pm and we still had no plan. He was holding me off. I sat in my living room all ready, looking good, waiting on him. When it got to be close to 10pm and our sporadic back and forth was leading nowhere, I finally called him out. He told me he was in a cranky mood. I told him that if he wanted company I offered and he needs to say yes or no. If he didn’t want company, then just say no, and at least I would know and I wouldn’t care. Finally he just said “I don’t know, whatever you want.”

I was done. I told him it was too late and I had to work in the morning, so no plans. I was frustrated and upset. I got all ready for nothing. For someone who doesn’t care. Of course it didn’t take long for him to respond then. In 5 seconds he responded “okay.” Like really? You made me wait 15 to 20 minutes for responses from you, but as soon as I cancel plans, now you can respond with lightning speed. It is not nice. I don’t know what else to do. I love him but, he doesn’t deserve it. I don’t know why he does this.

 

I don’t get it. His last girlfriend, he was obsessed with her it seems. He was at her beckon call. He won’t do that for me. He says I deserve that. He has even told me that if I am not happy, then I can find someone who can give me what he can’t. I tell him, he should want to do those things and be that person for me, he agrees with me, but says he can’t offer those things. He is trying to figure out his life. I don’t know why he can’t love me. I've been hanging onto this guy for years now. I need to move on and its so hard.

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You can keep posting about this guy and the many times you've bent over backwards to try and gain his acceptance only to feel rejected repeatedly -- the only person that can help you is you. This is a guy that has left you hanging on a string for one reason and one reason only -- to accommodate his needs. There has never been any regard for yours because if there was, he would feel awful for dragging you through his non-committal behavior FOR YEARS. You fail to accept that he does not love you -- likely enjoys having you as a fallback that provides him an ego boost. You're clouded and you've romanticized and idealized this yo yo for too long.

 

There are two choices:

 

Stay and feel miserable for many more years to come because it's never going to change. This pain is indefinite.

 

Leave, feel the pain, the withdrawals, push through your healing and get to the other side because you will eventually. This pain is temporary.

 

It's a choice. Moving on is hard. Not one person here on LS is going to tell you otherwise. The right thing is sometimes the hardest thing to do. We've all done it and we've all survived and moved on to other opportunities. So will you.

Edited by Zahara
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You can keep posting about this guy and the many times you've bent over backwards to try and gain his acceptance only to feel rejected repeatedly -- the only person that can help you is you. This is a guy that has left you hanging on a string for one reason and one reason only -- to accommodate his needs. There has never been any regard for yours because if there was, he would feel awful for dragging you through his non-committal behavior FOR YEARS. You fail to accept that he does not love you -- likely enjoys having you as a fallback that provides him an ego boost. You're clouded and you've romanticized and idealized this yo yo for too long.

 

There are two choices:

 

Stay and feel miserable for many more years to come because it's never going to change. This pain is indefinite.

 

Leave, feel the pain, the withdrawals, push through your healing and get to the other side because you will eventually. This pain is temporary.

 

It's a choice. Moving on is hard. Not one person here on LS is going to tell you otherwise. The right thing is sometimes the hardest thing to do. We've all done it and we've all survived and moved on to other opportunities. So will you.

 

 

Truer words were never spoken.

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Simon Phoenix

How many years have you wasted on this guy? Aren't you sick of being on his leash. He's been consistent the entire time -- says he likes you but doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, you fade back, he pulls on the leash, you come running, you hook up, he ghosts, you follow-up, he plays you, you write a 1,000-word post about it on this site. Rinse, wash, repeat.

 

You could take posts from 2013, 2014, 2015 on this guy and they'd be similar to this one you wrote, almost verbatim. I mean, at what point do you stop the insanity? He's not going to change because there's no reason for him to. Why should he make you a steak when you are happy with leftover Taco Bell?

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