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Have I done anything wrong or hurtful towards him?


Metty

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I don't know if I'm stupid or if I'm doing the right thing here. Just a few months ago I called it off with a guy I had been dating for months even though I really liked him and I still do unfortunately. My reason was that we started out great, really, but since he is a bit of a womanizer I began to realize that he was talking to other girls too even though we were exclusively dating. I once overheard that he slept with one while we dated. Well, I continued anyways. He did hint that he wanted a girlfriend and he was very invested in me but for some reason I just saw myself getting hurt in the end. I could go on with details but let's not. I began to pull away a bit and he always always pointed out how I ''never'' would bother to stay in touch anymore. While any guy would have left he continued to text and told me he wants me to stay in touch but after a while his texts turned into booty calls! I agreed once but then realized where this is going. I sent a simple text saying I can't do this anymore because it's too emotional for me and a week later I get an apology saying he didn't think I liked him because I didn't seem interested. He had already been in touch with another girl by then so I just said it was okay and left. Nothing more than that. I was surprised that he was sad.

He reached out to me once but I just replied. A month later he had a girlfriend. I deleted him from snapchat but he kept me. I began to catch him staring at me every time I saw him, he and his friends stared too. I kept getting awkward eye contact with him, he shoved his new girl in my face. I hadn't seen him in a long time until recently and once again he stares at me and I don't know if he is trying to make me uncomfortable. I ignore him but then he walks past me and greet me, I didn't say anything so he walk past me again and sounded almost angry as he greet me. I was like oh hello. Later I turn around and there he is making eye contact with me and his friend stared too. Do you get my point? It feels wrong that he stares this much when he has a girlfriend. I don't know if he is messing with me. I don't know if I have hurt him in some way and if I should talk to him just as a friend? Is he just being a jerk?

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He's a guy who is in the habit of seeing multiple women. And a woman who walks away from that always peaks their interest. Because that much dating around is usually about validation that they're all that. So you walk away, and it becomes a challenge in two ways. One, it probably makes him think you are more respectable, which you may be, than the other women. So he actually thinks more of you for not putting up with his bullcrap on one level. But he's desperate to get his validation that he's desirable and then he would much rather be the one who then dumps you. And the fact you say he seems to be bitter and gleeful about showing women in front of you tells me that's exactly what he's up to here. He wants to be the rejecter. He can't handle you dumped him.

 

Guys who are successful at seeing multiple women because they're attractive enough or charming enough may get bored with all that by the time they're 40, but old habits die hard, so you can't count on it. If he does fall for someone it will be the one who was never interested in him and is probably way too conservative for him who he has to work hard to get and is then too afraid to lose that he marries her. But that doesn't make him a good husband, so....

 

I say block him every way possible and forget about him. You were smart and perfectly right to set your boundaries. His behavior is confusing, but it keeps coming back to flaunting women. So that's the thing.

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He's a guy who is in the habit of seeing multiple women. And a woman who walks away from that always peaks their interest. Because that much dating around is usually about validation that they're all that. So you walk away, and it becomes a challenge in two ways. One, it probably makes him think you are more respectable, which you may be, than the other women. So he actually thinks more of you for not putting up with his bullcrap on one level. But he's desperate to get his validation that he's desirable and then he would much rather be the one who then dumps you. And the fact you say he seems to be bitter and gleeful about showing women in front of you tells me that's exactly what he's up to here. He wants to be the rejecter. He can't handle you dumped him.

 

Guys who are successful at seeing multiple women because they're attractive enough or charming enough may get bored with all that by the time they're 40, but old habits die hard, so you can't count on it. If he does fall for someone it will be the one who was never interested in him and is probably way too conservative for him who he has to work hard to get and is then too afraid to lose that he marries her. But that doesn't make him a good husband, so....

 

I say block him every way possible and forget about him. You were smart and perfectly right to set your boundaries. His behavior is confusing, but it keeps coming back to flaunting women. So that's the thing.

 

So it's not really about him having feelings for me or that I've done anything wrong? More that he just can't handle that I called the shots. I have felt guilty for a long time.

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Please stop feeling guilty. His actions are the ones that are most likely to be hurtful to others, not you having some standards and deciding his type isn't the right type for you. You may actually be doing him a favor by not enabling all that or letting it drive your decisions. I doubt he even knows what love is or that he is even looking for love. He's all about multiple women and messing around with them. He hasn't done anything except try to get back at you for rejecting him and if you don't block him, he'll just keep that up.

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I'd say just be polite if you see him. Say hello but don't engage with him for long. Ignore any attempts to flaunt women at you. Wish him well and move on.

 

If he has any feelings for you, he will make more effort and make it clear that he is interested in more than a fling.

 

But, others have warned that he seems the kind who wants to be seen with a woman and to flaunt her. He's not likely to change his ways.

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I'd say just be polite if you see him. Say hello but don't engage with him for long. Ignore any attempts to flaunt women at you. Wish him well and move on.

 

If he has any feelings for you, he will make more effort and make it clear that he is interested in more than a fling.

 

But, others have warned that he seems the kind who wants to be seen with a woman and to flaunt her. He's not likely to change his ways.

 

That's what I do. But he doesn't flaunt women at me though, he is in a relationship now and he flaunted his girlfriend at me a couple of times.. And even if he does have feelings for me it's too late for anything serious now. I'm having a hard time coping with all this especially because when I do see him he stares so much and the way he greets me, it just feels really weird. I still have feelings and I'm not sure if he gets that because I try to ignore and avoid him. I don't know if he's just being friendly or if he doesn't get it. I want to add as well that he had that type of boyfriend and girlfriend bound towards each other even though we dated, we did a lot of stuff together but yeah he was talking to other girls and then he pulled the booty call thing.

Edited by Metty
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