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When its your fault the break up happened


Lovestinks12

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I get anxiety to the point i feel stress on my heart from just thinking about never seeing my ex or talking to her again. It was a 4 year relationship and The break was in June. Things aren't going well for me either. I am suffering from depression to the point that it has affected my personality. My friends say they can tell that I'm not happy and as a result have distance themselves from me because no one wants to be around my depression. I'm alone and feel empty. The break up was completely my fault and I relive the guilt everyday and its added to my depression. My ex entered a relationship pretty fast after the break up. She emotionally checked out months ago, but didn't see it until it was too late. I too was feeling down on the relationship, but wanted things to get better, but couldn't see the faults until the relationship was over. So I couldn't fix anything. I want to move on, but haven't had success in the dating world. I've tried actively pursuing 2 girls, but failed because I'm not completely myself. I think i scared them off because I'm too eager to try and find something else, but idk.

I have had terrible results with online dating too and gave that up. I don't know what it is. I guess i'm not attractive for online dating or dating for that matter. I start to get anxiety over the fact that I will not be able to find someone better or equal to my ex. This really scares me and makes me upset. My ex was attractive, smart, loving, caring, and family oriented. It makes me think, was she the best I will ever get in my life?

 

Regardless of all her good traits, She's extremely happy with her new bf. I would love to be apart of her life, just as friends atleast. Unfortunately, she has completely blocked me from everything. It sickens me and i hate myself more because she was able to move on so easily and it shows how ****ty i was in the relationship. For her to forget 4 years like it was nothing kills me.

 

Any advice?

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I feel bad sometimes too, In a way I'm happy because I learned A LOT from my mistakes so I know now not to repeat them when it comes to future relationships but at the same time having learned from my mistakes and I know for a fact I would not repeat them I wish as a result of this my ex would have given me the opportunity to show her all of this and that a better relationship can ensue because of me learning from my mistakes. She's been in like 3 different relationships since breaking up with me back in July this year though from what I have heard, one of which she is currently in now and haven't spoken to her for 4 months now and she's blocked me ever since the breakup.

 

Feelsbadman but one day you will come to accept the fact there is just nothing you can do, it's in the past which you cannot change but you can make sure you apply your lessons from your mistakes in the future.

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