Ugh... Ex-gf and I will be attending the same New Year's Eve party

[mrwigand]

Was looking forward to a friend's New Years Eve party, and then I found my ex will be attending as well. She was diagnosed borderline personality disorder, and the relationship was very chaotic and intense, and it left me feeling very hurt by certain things. It's been a little less than a year since we've broken up, but I had to go through a protracted, often painful process to get her to pay me back some money she owed me, so it's only been a couple of months since I've really been able to sever ties.

 

This obviously isn't that big of a deal, but the idea of running into her does make me anxious. Everything is cool, we're on good terms. I forgave her for some of the craziness, etc., and I tried to make amends myself

 

I haven't spoken to her for about a month (funnily enough, our last communication was party related... I ran into her and her new boyfriend unexpectedly at a party, said some kind words but then kind of surreptitiously left because I didn't think I wanted to be there. She texted me a day later at like midnight asking if I was weirded out by seeing her. I guess I didn't hide it as well as I thought lol)

 

I know I don't want to avoid this party because she'll be there. Truly, the idea of seeing her there does get to me, but I don't want to give someone that power over me. I don't know what's best though. A part of me almost wants to (try) to take full control of the situation, contact her before hand to ask if she's going to the party and offer to catch up at the party. We're on good terms, and that's a plausible conversation. I know that sounds weird, but I'd almost prefer establishing something before have rather than going into the party not sure how I'm going to handle the situation.

 

I suppose the other option would be to go the party and just acknowledge her kindly/cordially, but not go out of my way to interact with her. As stupid as it sounds though, I don't really want to hurt her feelings, and give her the impression I'm giving her the cold shoulder.

 

I don't know, is this making sense? Any advice, insight, feedback would be appreciated!

Edited December 17, 2015 by mrwigand

[mrwigand]

Nevermind. I just read what I wrote and realized how hilariously ridiculous it was lol.

 

Why on earth would I contact her beforehand?! Yikes. Glad I didn't go through with that. I'm just gonna' go and have fun, and try not that think about emo stuff like that.

 

The idea of her going still gives me a little anxiety, but no biggie. I can live with that.

[d0nnivain]

Go or skip it depending on which will make you feel better. If you think there's a chance you won't be able to reign in your emotions if you are drinking, either don't drink or skip the party.

[Standard-Fare]

I personally wouldn't go if I were you. It seems there's lingering drama with this girl and you'd be better off not rustling it up.

 

Can't you find another option for New Year's? Even if it's doing something quiet with just one or two friends or a family member or something. New Year's doesn't always have to be this be-all, end-all night of partying. You probably won't be missing a thing by skipping this thing.

 

The only justification I could see for going is if this event is going to be large enough (like at least 50 people, a large space with lots of different rooms) where you truly can just get your "hellos" out of the way and then get through the rest of the evening without seeing or interacting with each other. Otherwise, your eyes are going to be on each other all night and you're gonna feel that tension.