figurinitout Posted January 31, 2005 Share Posted January 31, 2005 Hi everyone, I've been reading the post on here for a couple days and have been through the website somewhat. I thought that maybe I could post a little bit of info about myself and my current situation and maybe get some feedback from other ppl on it. So here goes, I'm 29, going through a second divorce. I have three boys from 1st marriage and 0 from second. First marriage I spent 10 yrs with him, constantly waiting for him to change his ways, he didn't, I wouldn't change, we grew apart, and so we mutually split. Young love that was, we got in over our heads and just realized we weren't meant to be. Anyway's, met 2nd husband and spent two plus yrs together before marrying. A very very rocky relationship that was, there was physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. But I just kept staying, I was very convinced that he loved me and that it was me that was making him so angry. A few yrs back he walked out(before we were married) and I kinda lost it, ended up in a hospital for a week. Attempted suicide. Part was grief over him, part was just build up of life. I grew up with alcoholic mom and stepdad, real dad sexually abused me. Pretty much wasn't given much of a real chance for normal adulthood. Well anyway's, we got back together and later married. He walked out twice more after that, each time pretty much the same way. Would basically leave while I was at work and leave a note telling me how much he loved me and how sorry he was. I kept taking him back with all his promises of "it won't happen again", "I've never hurt anymore than when I walked out", "I love being with you and the kids more than anything", well the list goes on and on and on. Well this past October he did it again, except this time he cleared the bank account, took the only car we had, and sent me walking home from work in the rain. Again with a note, saying he was sorry and he loved me. So I filed for divorce and am now in the process of moving on. I'm in counseling, on prozac(have suffered depression for many yrs now), and am trying to rebuild myself enough to feel like a normal(if there is such a thing)person. I'm leaving out a lot of little details, I am trying not to bore you guys to much. But I hope this helps with a little clarification. Now to why I am here, I was on another message forum and ran across a post about codependancy and started to do some research. I've heard the term before but didn't really understand the concept. Now I am wondering if maybe this is what I am? I've got serious self-esteem issues, I always feel the need to care and nurture anyone that will let me, I most definitly put others before my own needs. What I'm wondering is does this stay like this or are there true sucess stories on how to overcome this? I know I need some major counseling, and I really need to work on myself. I am trying, I just can't help feeling guilty for everything that has happened in my life. I can't get it out of my head that I have brought on my own pain and suffering. Please any advice or comments that you guys might have I would appreciate it. Thanks in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted January 31, 2005 Share Posted January 31, 2005 Not to sound harsh but yeah, you have brought this onto yourself simply because you chose to marry they guys but I dont think you were thinking "gee, if I get with this guy I'll get abused and that is what I want." Obviously your childhood is a factor (I'd say THE factor) in your issues you have now and as you said, you do need major counseling and it is good to hear you are getting some now. I don't think you can just snap your fingers and have things be ok but I do think the codependancy issue can be worked on and "fixed." Here is hoping everything will be OK for you and you can be happy, healed, and will be able to find a real guy not these lowlifes. My heart goes out to you on this. Link to post Share on other sites
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