fuzzy Posted January 29, 2005 Share Posted January 29, 2005 One simple scenario and any answers/opinions/experiences would be fantastic! If an Ex was to rock your world by calling a relationship off and left you suspecting that he or she had already been seeing someone else which caused the separation, would you pay them money you owed them? If you felt that your Ex did not treat you very well during and after the break up would the debt repaid in full or would you run for the hills? I owe my Ex money, mostly for an expensive holiday which we both chose to go on. However, on the holiday she was getting calls from work…from a guy I suspect she was having an affair with (see previous thread). Soon after we returned she called our relationship off. After speaking to her she told me that she was having major doubts about us way before we went away and according to her, she did not say anything because this expensive holiday had been booked. We have been split for 2.5 months and I am just about getting myself back on track as I have got a fantastic new job and I am beginning to enjoy single life again (special thanks to all of you guys in LS for this). Since she has called it off I have moved country and I am soon to move to yet another one so I can easily drop myself off the face of this earth, as far as she is concerned. I can afford to pay her off but I feel like I could get my own back. I have little interest of contacting this evil b*tch again for what she has done to me. Grrrrrr! Therefore, has anyone owed their ex money after a relationship has ended and what did/would you do if you were in my situation? Link to post Share on other sites
Unknowing Posted January 29, 2005 Share Posted January 29, 2005 Pay up! *grumble* My ex owes me money. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 29, 2005 Share Posted January 29, 2005 you don't owe her squat! spend the money you owe her on other women. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 At the time did you say you were going to pay her back? This is a tough one. Personallyl I would pay her back if I had promsied to pay her back. I'd send her a cheque or something, Link to post Share on other sites
aFighter Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 For the simple fact of "I wouldn't have her saying..." That and I hate owing people anything. You could always curse it, lol "I'm sending you my share of the money, if you buy a meal from it i hope you choke" simple and to the point Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 ok, sent the biotch a check, but make it out for $0.00. hA HAHA HH AHhaha ha HH ah HAhH HA Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Well. This is a personal matter. Lots of people don't pay oney that they owe, and you could become one of them. Or, you could make out an accounting: Expenses for trip +$3000.00 Breaking my heart - $2000.00 Things I bought for you over the years - $1100.00 Sex acts I performed on you despite not feeling horny (43 @ $150 each) - $6450.00 Cheating on me with a total jerk -$80000.00 Shaking my faith in humanity -$2800.00 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Look, you owe me $89,350.00 !! Pay up honey!! My point is that there are, or should be, two separate accounts: one that your CPA can recognize, and one that is engraved purely on your heart. Don't try to mix the two because it makes you look like a big dick. There is no possible monetary compensation for your beloved betraying you sexually, so don't try to put a price tag on it. Take the high road, if you can find it that is. Link to post Share on other sites
sportynut38 Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Although I love Solemate's accounting, I would still have to say pay back the money just because I hate being in debt to anyone ~ including the electric company (who blessedly got my check this month ... yet again). It's more about being the bigger adult and if you have a debt, pay it. Grumble, b*tch, whine and complain, and perhaps put on the check that it is void after 2 days . Link to post Share on other sites
sportynut38 Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Double .. sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 My ex owed me money when we split. Of course I counted my loses and didn't even bother trying to get blood out of a stone. If it was a decent relationship I would pay up. But if I were them, I wouldn't hold my breath. Most people are selfish Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 It's a matter of your own honour and integrity. If you promised to pay, then you should pay. I promised my ex that he could keep my second vehicle when his fell apart and even though he wasn't the greatest to me, I kept my word and gave him the car even though we broke up. It would be petty to do otherwise, IMHO. Link to post Share on other sites
JoL Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Well while i was with my ex, he paid for a VVVVVVERY large phone bill (mostly his fault, keeping me on the phone to scream at me, jerk) and he stated very clearly that he DID not want the money back ever. Of course, every time we had a fight he would throw it back in my face and tell him he wants his money back. When i dumped his sorry ass he did it again..and i told him maybe we should calculate the holiday he ruined for me and see who owes who. My point is- if you didnt discuss payback options, then forget about it. She hasnt asked for it, has she? so let it go..dont worry about it. Im sure she is probably feeding her own guilt from what she did to you and probably wont ever bring the topic up. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 If you have the money to pay her back, I suggest getting a money order or bank draft for the amount owing. That way it's as impersonal and businesslike as possible. Don't send a cover letter. Just see if the notation on the cheque can say something like, "Joe Blodge - for vacation" (except put your own name in there). If she was f*cking around on you she hopefully feels a bit guilty and figures that, by not asking to be paid back, she's bought you off. If you nonetheless pay her back, you've cut that off at the knees and not allowed her to buy you off. My TBXW and I ended our marriage with some debt. She'd been screwing around on me for years. She's willing to cover my half. But I won't accept that, because if I do, I may as well just bend over. I'm not about to let her think that she can just pay me off and buy a morally clean slate. It doesn't work that way. She may be for sale, but I'm not. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Originally posted by reservoirdog1 If you have the money to pay her back If she was f*cking around on you she hopefully feels a bit guilty and figures that, by not asking to be paid back, she's bought you off. Sure RESERVOIRDOG1, why don't we just reward another woman for screwing a man over. Shyt, send the bytch a check for $1,000,000. When people do bad things to you, then you should not go around rewarding them, it only reinforce the bad behavior. Look it up in your psych 101 textbook. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 When people do bad things to you, then you should not go around rewarding them, it only reinforce the bad behavior. Alpha, once again, people are not animals. If you ever graduate to grad studies in psych - or even psych 200 - you'll understand humans. So far you have a great grasp of rat psychology. If you make a promise, you honour it. It's not about 'rewarding' anything. It's about being a man and honouring your commitments. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme Alpha If you make a promise, you honour it. It's not about 'rewarding' anything. It's about being a man and honouring your commitments. Hey MOIMEME, how about his ex being a woman and honouring HER commitments to him in the relationship? She did not do it so he does not have to reciprocate. Link to post Share on other sites
sportynut38 Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Why should he sink down to her level? If she couldn't honor her commitments, that is on her and her alone. That shouldn't have anything do with the fact that if he owes her money, for whatever reason, he should pay it back and show what it is to be an adult and honor his debt. Her choices and decisions, no matter how bad, shouldn't even be a factor. He isn't paying her back to reward her, but to clear the slate for himself. And I am guessing that if he doesn't pay it back, it will always be in her mind that it would be a reason to open a door of communication, even if only to pester him. Call it the loose string. Send her the money, be done with her, and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Originally posted by sportynut38 Why should he sink down to her level? why not? she started it, not him... Call it the loose string. Send her the money, be done with her, and move on. screw that! Link to post Share on other sites
Urban Rubble01 Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Sure RESERVOIRDOG1, why don't we just reward another woman for screwing a man over. Shyt, send the bytch a check for $1,000,000. When people do bad things to you, then you should not go around rewarding them, it only reinforce the bad behavior. Look it up in your psych 101 textbook. Oooh, Freud would br so proud. Listen, it isn't an issue of "rewarding" her. I'm sure he isn't going "How can I pay her some money for that wonderful act of cheating on me". He owes it to her, what she did has no bearing on that. He is in no position to judging whether her actions warrant a payment or not. And the fact that you think it's an issue of "reinforcing bad behvaior" is unbelievable. Like someone else said, these are humans, not rats. No amount of pseudo phsycology is going to change that. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Originally posted by Urban Rubble01 Listen, it isn't an issue of "rewarding" her. And the fact that you think it's an issue of "reinforcing bad behvaior" is unbelievable. Well URBANRUBBLE01, if the tables were turned and he paid for the trip and was screwing around behind her back and then left her do you really think she would pay him back? I highly doubt it. Link to post Share on other sites
VirginiaBob Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 still waiting for my ex-fiance to pay me back for her half of the wedding expenses since I paid for the whole darned wedding. and waiting, and waiting... Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Originally posted by VirginiaBob still waiting for my ex-fiance to pay me back for her half of the wedding expenses since I paid for the whole darned wedding. and waiting, and waiting... VB, you're gonna be waiting for a LONG LONG LONG LONG time man. Consider it a sunk cost. But you already knew that. Link to post Share on other sites
Kat Posted January 30, 2005 Share Posted January 30, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Hey MOIMEME, how about his ex being a woman and honouring HER commitments to him in the relationship? She did not do it so he does not have to reciprocate. If you measure the self respect that you have for you with the amount of respect that your ex had for you, then that is fine. Most people think more highly of themselves than their ex's did! Link to post Share on other sites
Urban Rubble01 Posted January 31, 2005 Share Posted January 31, 2005 Well URBANRUBBLE01, if the tables were turned and he paid for the trip and was screwing around behind her back and then left her do you really think she would pay him back? I highly doubt it. And what exactly does that have to do with anything Mr. pseudo psycologist ? Who CARES if she would've paid him back, that isn't the issue. Do you live your life based on what other people may or may not have done ? If you saw a man drowning, would you refrain from saving him simply because most people wouldn't do the same for you ? If you see someone straded on the highway, do you crank up your radio and drive past because that's what most people would do ? This guy's ex girlfriend should be completely removed from this equation, she isn't even a factor. He should pay her back because that makes him the better person. Being petty and taking revenge on a person (which is what not paying her would be, revenge) shows that you're immature and, well, petty. A real man sucks it up, keeps his dignity and pays her back IN SPITE of the fact that she treated him like that. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted January 31, 2005 Share Posted January 31, 2005 Originally posted by Urban Rubble01 He should pay her back because that makes him the better person. Being petty and taking revenge on a person (which is what not paying her would be, revenge) shows that you're immature and, well, petty. A real man sucks it up, keeps his dignity and pays her back IN SPITE of the fact that she treated him like that. In an ideal and perfect world you would be correct URBANRUBBLE01. Unfortuanately the real world that I and everyone else live in is not ideal and imperfect. A real man does not reward people after they have screwed him over. Link to post Share on other sites
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