Brokenhearted and need Help!

[searchforwhat]

I have been using this site for over a month now. I originally posted in breaking up, but now that hope is all but lost I need to try and cope with my loss. I could really use some comforting words to help me get through this.

 

A quick background on my situation, my GF of 3.5 yrs broke up with me a wk before Christmas. Unfortunetly we had been fighting the week before and when I was supposed to go to her house and talk about it, I went away for the weekend ran from the problem in turn causing the relationship to end.I had broken up with her a few times over the yrs but always realized after a little while that I wanted to be with her. I had hurt her many times before and this time she was fed up with the pain and told me never to contact her again. I gave her some space for a couple wks, but couldn't handle the pain. I sent her 2 dozen roses and tried to talk to her. She refused to see me and would not even consider getting back together.

 

We have spoken a few times and it always goes back to me asking for a second chance and her denying that. The kicker of the hole situation is I had bought her an engagement ring in Nov and was planning on proposing on a trip we had planned to go on (which was our Christmas gift to give each other).

 

I couldn't handle ending the relationship without at least seeing her and speaking in person. I went to her house earlier this wk and broke down expressing all the pent up emotion. I was hoping the face to face interaction would somehow change her mind. It didn't. She explained to me how much she loved me, missed me and how hard it has been, but couldn't take the chance of me hurting her again. I told her about the ring and my plans. She seemed confused and upset but would not budge. I got the line, you don't know what is going to happen in the future I just need my space.

 

We talked for 4 hrs and during that time it came out that she had gone out on a couple dates with someone. This ripped my heart out and I cant get it out of my head. I feel like she wont give me another chance because she is already seeing someone else and she wanted to spare my feelings so did not tell me.

 

I am in so much pain and just cant seem to get this out of my head. I am having trouble sleeping eating and have no motivation to do anything. I have not tried to contact her again since I know it will do no good. How to I get over this and how long will it take. I just want to be happy again. I cant get over the fact that this is my fault, if only I had treated her better.

 

I am so confused, on one hand I want to try and move on but on the other hand I want to hold on to hope that she will come back to me. This all feels like a nightmare that I just cant wake up from. Some words of advice would really help.

 

By the way, my member name is search4what but I am having trouble logging in so I did this as a guest.

[NiCoLe20]

aww... sorry for the situation your in, but i think the only thing you can do in something like this is to just give her space... let her have the time she wants to think or whatever.

 

if you keep hounding her, it will push her away... she's the one that broke up with you-so theres still a chance she can come back... what you do now is to estable NC (no contact) dont text, email, or call her for up to 3 months. if she doesnt talk to you or try to get in contact w/ you in this period of time- its pretty much over... i mean anything can happen though - but im just giving you my point of view. also, i understand you were in al ong relationship, but people grow apart and maybe thats what happend here. focus on urself for now and enjoy life while you can... dont cry and worry if she's coming back ornot... thats too stressful... start worrying about yourself and live life to the fullest...theres no point in being sad and upset when she isnt feeling the same about you ya know? just ignore her for a while and see if she comes back... if she doesnt then that tells you she wasnt worth it from the get go... good luck n tell us what happens!!

[Unknowing]

I know how you feel, my girlfriend broke up with me a couple of hours ago. We didn't have a long relationship at all but that doesn't matter much since I know I love her.

 

I know it's hard, but you need to step back. She needs to come to you, that is the only chanse. I could say "time heals all wounds" but, stuff like that is imho kinda worthless when you are in pain.

 

I talked to my mom a couple of minutes ago and she said "I could say alot to try to comfort you, but there is nothing I can say that will actualy make you feel better".

 

But, there is still hope. You said she said she loves you and misses you. If you give it time maybe she'll be wanting to get back together despite her fear of beeing hurt. The only thing YOU have to do then is not to hurt her again and, once you get back together, make sure she knows you wont.

You might think "I should tell her now that I could not hurt her again" but no, that's not a good idea. She probably wont trust you anyway.

 

Time wont heal the wounds, but maybe the relationship.

[searchforwhat]

Yeah, you are both right. I tried to stay away for a while because I know I hurt her and when my emotions got the best of me I tried to talk to her. I only talked to her maybe 4 times in the 6 wks and only saw her for the first time the other day. After finding out she has been dating I decided I am not going to contact her again. Unfortunelty each time we spoke I would end up breaking down or pleading for her to believe me. I know this never works, but I guess I was thinking with my heart and not my head. I kept telling myself I could get her to believe me but I think I only made it worse. I hope now I can be stronger and not contact her at all now that I know she is moving on.

 

Today wasnt as bad as yesterday, but the saddness comes in waves. It is when I think about the finality of it all and all the things I am going to miss is when it is worst. I am just trying to keep busy and not think about her. i will just keep coming here to vent and get some good advice because it really does help. Sux I cant really talk to my guy friends about it because they tell me to get over it. I just wish it was that easy.

[searchforwhat]

It only been a week since I left my ex's place after letting her know my plans on proposing. That is also when I found out she is dating someone, or in her words "has gone out on a few dates". This pain just does not go away. I just cant understand how she has moved on so fast. I wish there was something I could do. I just feel so helpless and empty inside. The weekends are very tough, way too much time to think. Even when I am trying to put this out of my mind I still get the vision of her with someone else.

 

I try and keep positive and I want to hope that she will come back to me, but I just feel like she has put me out of her mind and has found happiness elsewhere. Obviously I have no idea if she is happy nor if she is seriously dating someone but I just cant get this out of my head.

 

I miss everything about her. Everything I see and everything I do reminds me of her. I guess after spending almost everyday of 3.5 yrs together, this happens. When does it start to get easier and what can I do to help? I just want to call but I wont. I wouldnt even know what to say and it would probobly end up with me crying anyway. I really hate life right now, I hope this gets better soon.

[johnnyapples]

Originally posted by searchforwhat

I miss everything about her. Everything I see and everything I do reminds me of her. I guess after spending almost everyday of 3.5 yrs together, this happens. When does it start to get easier and what can I do to help? I just want to call but I wont. I wouldnt even know what to say and it would probobly end up with me crying anyway. I really hate life right now, I hope this gets better soon.

 

Hey -- I've gone through that pain and I've been the other person who've caused that pain. Let me tell you something -- it doesn't get better soon. It takes a while. For some people, they linger on the thought for years. Most people, it takes months. The thing is -- you need to start caring about yourself and move on, one day at a time. I'm going through a breakup now and I'm telling you ... it bites. But I got some good friends and this site has been helpful -- just work at it. Let you anger and pain out on paper. Write it down ... let others respond to it and console you. Its a way of venting and exercising those demons you might have and it will ease the moving on a bit. Don't kid yourself ... 3.5 years is a long time and its not going to be easy, just get your support group ready and start finding yourself again.

 

Best of luck.

[search4what]

I have been having my good days as well as bad ones. Today is not so good. I just need somewhere to vent and there is no better place than LS. I woke up today feeling really lonely and guilty for the pain I have caused my x. She did break up with me but I realize she had no choice, I had screwed up so many times ( never cheated) and I guess everyone has their breaking point. I still cant get over how I didn't even think about her feelings on that terrible night that I decided to go away with my friends than go to her house and talk. It really hit me this morning how hurt she must have been. Now I take full responsibility for my actions and the pain I am feeling is probably well deserved. It really sux that one has to realize what a great relationship they were in after they mess it up. I really took her for granted and it is eating me alive.

 

I guess I am going to have to deal with this one for the rest of my life thinking what if....? I really wish she would just call but how could I expect that? I has been almost over 7 wks and yes it has gotten a little better but as you all know the sadness comes in waves.

 

Well since I have come to grips with the fact that she is moving on, I am trying to do the same. My brother knows how I am felling and is setting me up with someone. I am hesitant to go but I cant keep holding onto hope that the x will call. I have continued no contact for a wk and a half, which has been since the talk we had where I told her about the engagement ring and how sorry I was. It has been a tough time but I have no other options. Unfortunately we had so many good times together that I am always reminded of her. I will live and who knows maybe I will me the girl of my dreams or maybe I will be alone for some time.

 

I have learned a few things from this awful experience, the grass is never greener, you don't know what you've got, and always show the one you love how you feel before it is too late. Hope it keeps getting better.