confused by my ex and very upset

[NatB]

my ex broke up with m back in august he said that I was never to contact him again so I left it at that then out of the blue on the 8th dec he started to contact me again asking how I was. I didnt know why

 

Ive been having more contact with my ex he has been IM me. we have kept the chats light and I have been very nice too him so that he felt comfortable talking to me. none of us mention the break up and its really strange we are talking like nothings happened. I never let him sense how upset I am I never let him know. when I get off the computer I have a cry. I dont know where the IM are leading too.

 

Because when he broke up with me in august he told me that he wanted nothing more to do with me. he didnt want me as a friend or as a girlfriend so I tried to move on and never contacted him than just out of the blue he sent a email asking how I was. I dont understand it after all that he said to me he acted like nothing had happened. since then we have had little chats online and I thought that something was coming off it and I was hoping that he was missing me.

 

I know I shouldnt be snooping but i know he spends alot of time on ebay if you know the members name you can see their feedback and what they have bought online I was just interested and I noticed that he had purchased some photographs of someone else's girlfriend. as you can imagine it broke my heart again I know we are not together but I thought that we were making progress. I never thought my ex was that type of guy hes 33 and I thought that he was more mature than that it got me thinking that he might have been cheating on me when we were together. im 24 and hes 33 and I was his first girlfriend I love him so much

 

Im now scared that if we did get back together that I woulndt be able to trust him. I hate feeling this way because i always thought he was a decent bloke. I just dont understand why he contacted me if he doesnt want anything more. I had my graduation yesterday and he asked about that and he said he would like a photo

 

please help me Im so upset by all this

[tigerskye]

first of all, need more info. Why did yall break up?

[poister]

Hi Nat,

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so confused. It sounds like you are certainly going through a tough time.

 

I don't mean to ask the obvious, but have you thought of asking Mr. Ex why he is communicating with you? i.e., What his intentions are? Though he may not be honest if he is not really sure yet, he may be able to tell you that he is trying to become your friend, or what have you, and then you would have a better idea of where you stand. That is, if the ex is not considering getting back together with you, you may find your worries about being able to trust him in a relationship will become irrelevant.

 

On another note, it sounds like you are not over this guy at all. Do you still want to be with him? Do you want to be his friend? If you do want to be with him, would you be satisfied being only friends? I know it is hard to disentangle the present from the emotional past we have with someone, but try to lay out to yourself what it is you want from him - closure, relationship, answers to certain questions... Then go from there.

 

As for whether he ever cheated on you - without more info, it's impossible for me to comment, but I will say this: Since it's over, do you really want to know? Wouldn't you just be more hurt if the answer were one you didn't want to hear?

 

Anyway, sorry I wasn't able to offer any solutions or do more, but my heart goes out to you in the confusion you are suffering right now. Try to remember to do something for yourself to try to make you feel a little better and not think about it, like going to get a massage or taking a bath or something.