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No Contact Support Thread [Post here instead of contacting your ex]

Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

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Old 9th September 2017, 2:42 AM   #976
Join Date: Apr 2017
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all i want is an apology, just one little sorry. i want you to acknowledge what you did to me, as if you cant see it, surely you know, i know deep down that you probably didn't mean to treat me like it, unless i am completely wrong about you and maybe i am, alot of people have told me you were just using me while you were here and maybe there right maybe i am blind to your ways, i know what i did but i have apologised too many times and what you did to me was 10 times worse that what i did to you, i put an end to it, i couldn't take it anymore you beat me down and made me feel absolutely worthless i had to take control of me. how did you change, just how, you made me feel like i didn't even matter in your life anymore, i gave you everything and you just kept pushing and pushing me away, i have every reason to be over you any sane person would of been months ago, any sane person would of been years ago, they wouldn't of stuck around as long as i did, but oh yeah "you dont want to be with anyone that wouldn't" remember saying that to me, do you know how that made me feel? as if anyone could of just been next to you, anyone could of replaced me, it could of been ANYONE, ANYONE, NOT ME just some other random guy could of took my place at that minute, you made me feel worthless, no acknowledgement of everything i did for you, god i want you out of my mind, you just wore away at me for so long but how were you also so good for so long at the beginning, that the use i miss, the old you that i KNEW loved me so so much, what changed because i didn't, just say your sorry, i know you wont, it'll never come and i hope that one day i wont care anymore. i just always ask myself, does she realise what she did to me, what do you even tell people about me, i have so many questions but i need to put this to bed because i'll never know.
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Old 10th September 2017, 3:42 AM   #977
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Here we go again, Sundays are always the worst. Its been almost 3 months now, and I don't think I've stopped thinking about you for a single moment.

Not that you care, youre busy boffing some dork.
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Old 10th September 2017, 11:49 AM   #978
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Family fun day.

Its been going on for so long now, I can see a definite cycle- and Sundays are the worst. Thats not to say that Monday to Saturday are not bad too though.

I miss you so badly still. Its not really fading, or diminishing in anyway in intensity. The best I can say is that it comes in waves, and that although when a wave does hit, it hits every bit as hard as it did before, maybe they are hitting less often now.

When the sun shines in the window at dinner time, I miss you really badly. Its obviously some Pavlovian conditioning thing, in that the association with you cooking, makes me very aware of your absence. I can look after and cook for myself perfectly well, it's not that- but I miss you so much.

I always think of you being happy, and thats the thing that hurts. That way you smiled at me, made me glow like the redi-brek guy. The idea of you smiling that smile up at someone else, or cooking for someone else on this beautiful rainy/sunny day, just really confuses me.

Don't you miss me? I suppose not, you got someone new to occupy your thoughts. But baby we have been through so much... those memories are as much a part of you as they are a part of me, how can you just delete 22 years of our your life like that?

What we had was special, spectacular- we were lucky to find each other, and to have what we did. And now youre off boffing some dork like 3 months later?

I cant even bear to see you now. I cant process or get it in any context or order, my mind been spinning like a wheel in mud for nearly 3 months.
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Old 11th September 2017, 7:40 AM   #979
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Once Again

It's my fault; I won't cut off all avenues. Not yet. I was the one who broke up with you exactly a year ago...and the second I get back online you contact me again. All those gorgeous words, making me think...well. Anyway. No more of that right now.

Things are great at my job but terrible with my family, only you don't know that, do you? We were chatting; then you got distant and went "out of town." So instead of another major discussion and break (yuck), I am just not around. I'm with friends, too busy to talk, or to see you. I just don't have it in me to have another definitive ending with you. Not with what's going on with my family.

Of course you finally messaged me. I knew you would and it's what I get for not cutting off all channels. But it was a boring message about how awesome your trip was and almost hurt me more to read it than if you hadn't even sent it. My friends say to try not to devote any energy to you because of the family thing, because I'm seeing everything so dark that I will just end up doing something dramatic. I'm listening to them. You haven't even asked me why I'm quieter than normal. You haven't even noticed.

And then this nice guy came along - that's the weird part. I was minding my own business standing in line, and this guy comes along to chat me up. I never usually respond when guys do this but he was cute and something wouldn't let me turn him down. He recognized the brewery on my shirt because he'd done business with them before. I ended up giving him my number - yeah, another thing I don't do. We had mutual friends and I decided, why not? Where are you, even? With some friends I don't even know. You told me they were all guys, which was just a weird thing to say. Why the hell shouldn't I go out with a cute guy who had the nerve to ask me out? It's more than you've done in two weeks...

I just don't want this guy to get hurt because I'm still not over you. My friends will kill me if I don't go on this date. Enough already, they say! You deserve this guy! I just wish my heart was in it and I don't want to fake it. But they are right; I deserve better and I don't want to turn down someone who wants to take me out when you aren't even there.

I hate that I'm moving back to our home town but that part couldn't be avoided due to the family stuff (that you still don't know about). I had to explain it had nothing to do with you - just said there's stuff going on with my family. No details because you don't deserve them. So I'll just let you secretly think that I'm moving back because of you, because I know that's what you think. As if the world revolves around you. Believe me, I am not looking forward to seeing you at the bars. We'll have to deal with it like adults.

Doing this because I want to hold myself accountable, not get weak and send you a "hey, how are you?" message when it's Wednesday and I haven't heard a word from you. I am glad i responded that i had a wonderful, fun-filled weekend. It was almost true. You won't know anything different because I won't let you.
"If you are lonely when you're alone, then you're in bad company." - Jean-Paul Sartre
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Old 11th September 2017, 3:47 PM   #980
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30 minutes without thinking about you.

Did not relax for second last 3 weeks. Today was 3rd week you left me. This period was all about you and you did not try. You know how much i would try if you said simply "Sorry" yet you did not care. Too tired to give us another go. Simply just could say sorry and don't talk to your damn ex for 2 weeks till i come there. You kept told me "just a friend". You twisted every important thing. Blamed me for being a person i choose to be for this relationship to work out becasue of long distance. I swallow every **** you told me last two months. Yet i was ready to fight for us. Simple word "sorry". I gave us everthing i could. I told him introduce me with your ex. He is your f riend eventually. You kept say "it would be weird." I tried everything i could to make it work even all the red flags you gave me. Always ****ing always you came up with some excuse.

2 days ago you told me "You told me that you don't trust me anymore last week before we break up". I said "I was scared to lose you." I have this stupid gut feeling you know and i can't ****ing believe that i can't trust you even after your attitude when our relationship was dying slowly. I still ****ing trust you. This is what you built in me. I still ****ing trust your word. This is why i can't let you go. Even all those red flags. I ****ing trust you and it kills me so much. If i can't get over it, or simply get better. It is all because of this "trust" you put in me.

Then i think over again. Again and again. Who spend hours(40) playing games with their ex and talking. "Just a game" it was for you but i was hurting.

I probably could ****ing take everything you know. 2 months ago you told me your ex added you on facebook. I said "Oh how is he?"
1 month ago. You asked me "do we want same future?" and blamed me for "making you stay at home more". How unfair you were to me. How ****ing unfair. How could you forget we wanted to have this relationship. I was not ****ing home potato before you but i loved you *******. I ****ing loved you. I wanted to be there to support you so and myself so we would be happy. I was not the person i was today then but loved you so much.

And that was the least heartbreaking thing you told me when our relationship was dying but yeah. You just wanted to be alone because you were going rough time in your life. Rough time. We gone through rougher times together. Everything was actually going perfect this time except in our minds. You got in your school. A major you would say "never" 1 year ago. I graduated i was going to start make money. I was going to help you in university. We were going to go throuh **** together as couple like we did for years.

We were getting there. To live together. To marry next year like we talked 6 months ago.

But had to end.

I want to hate you because you stopped fighthing for us but i can't hate you. Even all that pain you caused. You still blamed me 2 days ago. I can't hate you. I want to talk **** about you but i can't.

I still ****ing love you and i just hope you will meet someone better than me and have that healthy relationship you wanted in future.

I don't have any regrets. I know my mistakes. I never cheated on you 6 years ago but i know that you can't know that yet i don't have any regret. I asked you second chance and you gave me then. I lived my years to honor that. I don't have any regret. I did my best to gain your trust again. So yeah have that healthy relationship in future.

I loved you ****ing so much.

Today though i spent 30 minutes without thinking about us or you. It was good. I'm happy for myself. Wish i could share my happiness with you but i can't anymore. I can't call you when i feel so bad because not that you would wanna hear me or give me advice but because i can't handle letting you go. I know you would be there to my friend and support me. It just hurts that i can't tell you anymore that i love you. Nothing else. Maybe not even my broken heart. Just i can't share my heart with you anymore. It is killing me but i can't share it anymore.

I'm sorry for every tears you spilled because of me. I'm deeply sorry. Wish i was better person. Better friend. Better soulmate. Better just better. Better lover. Better at understand what you go through now.

I gave everything i could give for us and for you.

Make your dreams come true. Dream about new dreams. Hang on to them. And make them true too.

Farewell 7 years of friendship.

Last edited by dodoli; 11th September 2017 at 3:51 PM..
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Old 14th September 2017, 7:53 AM   #981
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i hate myself for putting this much meaning to our relationship. I hate myself
for believe in each other and for us this much. I hate myself for believing us.
I thought we could solve everything.

I hate it. I hate how i can't do anything anymore. Can't focus my stuff. Can't focus my work,
can't focus my school or anything. We were supposed to do it together because you got in same
school which you did not even think before. We were supposed to do these things together.
We were supposed to chase our dreams together. It hurts so ****ing much that i have to let go everything.
You want to be friends. I can't. You said i don't wanna give you false hopes if it will end up hurting you more.
You still don't know what the **** is going on. It would not be like this if you cared little bit about me. It would be
a lot cleaner. Even after break up. I don't know what i should expect from myself anymore. I hate myself so much.
I ****ing feel like total fail.

Thought a lot. Did i put too much meaning in our relationship. I blamed myself for being dependent but what the hell
it was almost 7 years. People make plans their future together and people get dependent to these plans because isn t it what
long term relationship is. I don't know. Maybe everything i thought was wrong. I don't know how to move on.
Sick of thinking. Sick of feeling okay. Sick of thinking killing myself. I feel total failure. It is not about you. It is about me
I'm so tired and can't do ****.

Have truly happy life.
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Old 14th September 2017, 3:17 PM   #982
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I hope you enjoy your holiday, sorry im not there with you, but i dont think you wanted me there, do you remember all the times i had to ask you if you actually wanted me there with you, i dont think you did, its so painful that your still going, anyway have fun.
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Old 17th September 2017, 5:36 AM   #983
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Family fun day

3 months down the line.

I gave myself this period of time to grieve, because I beleived that after about 3 months, its starts becoming ridiculous to hope. It is ridiculos, isnt it? But that was 22 years of our lives, and you act like you can afford to just crumple it up and throw it away like it was rubbish. The same way you chucked all our small papers in the bin, like they were nothing either.

I loved you. I thought you loved me too. I was 'in love' with you up until the very ast days. Every day was valentines day in our house, I found it endlessly fascinating to be just be with you. I loved looking at you.

But after a certain period of time, you stop becoming the hurt partner, and start becoming the crazy ex, if you still hope. Am I seriously meant to tolerate seeing you and him around, and just shake his hand, like the 'best man won?' No, aint going to happen...

I am so hurt. You act like it's my problem, like everythings my problem. You been so unbeleivably nasty, I really don't know what youre going to do next. As correctly predicted by this board, you introduced the idea that you had met someone around the 4-6 weeks mark. Only we both know he's not so new. You cheated on me, betrayed my turst.

I can't see you. I don't want to see either of your faces again. Its distrbing and surreal to me that you wuld do this, I seriously think there's something wrong with you. Normal people have a concience, a failsafe mechanims that stops them breaking hearts of the people they love. Maybe you jus dont love me, and never did. And as for this a**hole_ by his very first act, he's shown he's not a decent bloke, because decent blokes do not whisper in the ear of other men's wifes. He's never going to trust you either, because he knows you broke the code too.

But yeah, youve always been hormonally led. And now we're in this messed up situation, as I predicted. No doubt you have feelings for him, youre infatuated, as B said the last time. Youre a woman in her 40s, who still hasnt learned the life lesson that sex generates affection.

We were togethre for 22 years, and you did love me- I saw your eyes, your smile, and thats what hurts so much. We had something worth saving, worth fighting for- but you rushed straight into this a**holes arms, and gave us zero time for reflection. And now there's no way back, what a stupid waste of a life. What a stupid waste of my life- youre making executive descisons that affect us both, and yet you just dismiss my thoughts and feelings as no more than 'selfishness.'

Now you think we can both go to this club and stand 20 feet away from each other, pretend we dont know each other, and 'have fun'?

Again, I think theres somehting wrong with you. You really feel nothing, and you have zero understanding of what Ive been struggling with for 3 moths now.

But I still love you. How could I not? To not love you, would be to not love my own life, and all the amazing things that have happened between us. I wanted the relationship to continue, because I believed in it. We had a serious serious love affair babe, it's devastating to think you're with someone else. It really breaks my heart, can't describe the overwhelming mixture of hurt, love, missing you, anger and sadness.

And yet now- I don't know where you live, I don't know your phone number. I don't know who you are. This is killing me, its by far the worst experience of my life.

Last edited by Fever of love; 17th September 2017 at 5:48 AM..
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Old 19th September 2017, 5:22 AM   #984
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I miss waking up and seeing a message from you. I miss talking to you on your lunch break. I miss you calling me on your way home.

I wish I could just tell you that I loved you and that you'd say it back. You've said so many different things that I don't even know what you're feeling about me, anymore. I wish I could feel what you're feeling so I KNOW. So I know whether you still care about me, or whether you don't at all.

I want to contact you later tonight, when you're in from work. But what would I even say? Everything I've already said? Will you get angry with me? Will you block me, again? All I want is your love. Why can't I have it?

I don't even want to go back to uni because I won't be able to talk to you about my day, or ask you for advice or input on something because you've already been to that uni (stupid, I know).

I don't even want to watch the TV because you're not there on the sofa with me, on your side, smoking out the window.

You see, even if I were to send you this, you wouldn't react. You'd just give me a very blunt, non-emotional answer. I feel like screaming most of the time; "Why can't you understand how much I'm feeling?!! Why won't you just take me back!?!?" It's horrible. Frustrating.
Kind of... Sometimes... Maybe

Last edited by clist8511; 19th September 2017 at 5:26 AM..
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Old 19th September 2017, 6:14 PM   #985
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I miss your face. I miss your expressions. I miss your laugh.
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Old 22nd September 2017, 7:36 AM   #986
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FACT: He didn’t love you as much as you loved him. He was too embarrassed of you to even tell his parents for OVER TWO YEARS!!! He didn’t appreciate you, no matter how much you tried to show it. The conversations, the gifts, the dedication. He still left you.

He’s selfish and immature, at 32 years old. He hasn’t gotten his **** together yet. He’s still a child in a man’s body. He’s unstable as ****. He wanted to break up to take time to fix himself, but he still wanted someone around to comfort him… AND IT’S NOT YOU, THE PERSON WHO WAS ALWAYS THERE FOR HIM. He threw away three years of your relationship, your love, for someone else. Don’t waste any more of your time because he’s still sick and he chooses not to get better.

He introduced his new gf in WEEKS, while it took you YEARS!!! He doesn’t care about you. He has no respect for you or your feelings. He should feel guilty, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t care about how hurt you feel. He was happy to flaunt his new gf at you, even though weeks before he was saying he still loved you and wanted to earn you back. He’s SELFISH AND FULL OF ****. He didn’t stand up for you.

Why would you want someone who was too afraid to show that he loves you? He’s weak. You need a man, not a spineless boy. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be shown love. He has shown to NOT love you. His words mean nothing. He wanted to go, so let him go. Make him feel the consequences of his decision. Screw trying to reconnect with him. He has to work for you! He’s messed up in the head. He’s depressed. It’s why he had so many failed relationships and still living in a tiny room as a grown ass man.

He’s the one who has to change. You can’t do anything to fix him, so don’t even try. You don’t even want to take him back as he is now. You deserve better. He doesn’t deserve you. If he really loved you, he would have stayed with you. He would have fought to be with you. He didn’t because he’s sick. He will never love you the same way while he is. It’s not fair for him to say he loves you but doesn’t want a relationship with you. It’s selfish and you didn’t spend two and a half years with him just to take that. Never accept that from him.

It hurts, but you can learn to laugh at his crazy shenanigans and not let them get to you again. Don’t wait for him. Thank him for the good memories and the lessons you learned. And holy crap, be thankful you didn’t have sex or married this dude.

Love yourself first and someone will show up to show you the same amount of love. You don’t have to prove anything. You were loving. You cared. You were loyal. You were respectful. You weren’t the one who gave up. You were the one he let get away.

You were nothing short of an amazing partner and any guy would be lucky to have you. You will meet someone who will appreciate you for who you are and what you have to give. He will be proud of saying he loves you. You are the PRIZE!


Last edited by CeciliaCylara; 22nd September 2017 at 7:39 AM..
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Old 23rd September 2017, 8:49 PM   #987
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Hoy soñé con vos.

No recuerdo exactamente qué fue lo que soñé, pero estabas ahí. No sé si te extraño, o extraño la idea de quién solías ser. Lo único que sé es que ambos cambiamos mucho, y no sirve de nada llorar sobre la leche derramada.

Sólo quiero decir que estoy haciendo lo posible por mejorar. Pero es difícil cuando mi cuerpo no acompaña a mi mente: estuve durmiendo todo el día, sólo me levanté para comer un sandwich y luego me acosté de nuevo. No sé si soy un holgazán, un indisciplinado o hay algo más detrás de todo esto.

También soñé que discutía con papá. ¿No te pasa lo mismo? ¿Nunca discutís con tus padres? A mí se me hizo costumbre.

Decime, ¿vamos a ser igual de desastrosos por siempre? ¿O vamos a mejorar?
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Old 26th September 2017, 3:34 PM   #988
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Love or loved?
I can't place a tense to the dull drum in my chest anymore.
It's either we're living this earthquake or these are the warning signs of the disaster to come. No casualty yet to direct me one way or the other.. but I know I will be the next to die.

Figuratively (always figuratively) and just like everything I saw in you.
Every inhibition you watered with alcohol. Every upturned nose success you buried in construction dust.
The uprooting and the destruction of us.
I don't know why I keep making your drug habits rich with poetry when they cost me.. everything.
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Old 28th September 2017, 11:44 PM   #989
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Damn, I'm starting to miss you. Do you know how much I want to message you right now? I need to know how are you.

I miss how good you made me feel back then, why can't I find someone who makes me feel the same?
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Old 29th September 2017, 7:22 AM   #990
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So here we are again

I need this thread right now, again.

Its been months now, and I cannot stop thinking about you. This 'pain' is the most excruciating thing I have experienced in my 50-odd years. I'm a grown man, who has become as confused as a teenage boy. Why do we even use the word 'pain'? for this combination of psychological distress and disappointment? Because it is the most appropriate word.

It hurts worth than every tooth in your head having toothache simultaneously, and is similarly inescapable. When you are in toothache pain, you can think of nothing else, it dominates your consciousness.

Similarly, this heartbreak overrides all other thoughts or activities, it's always there, whether as a slow thud of sadness at the back of my mind, or an overwhelming torrent of confusion and longing to make it right with you, as I feel now.

Of course there's no going back. I had this exact nightmare the first morning you were gone, where I was going round asking everybody where you were, if they had seen you, before I woke up by screaming.

Now, I'm living the nightmare, and I can't shout myself awake.

I believed in our love. I thought we were special. I am so hurt that the woman I believed to be my life-love, can do this and feel nothing.

I miss you. I love you. I hate you.

Trying that on for size, I don't hate you. I'm an idiot because I'm still in love with you, but I don't want you to known that.
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