seductress989 Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 Hey guys, I think I made a big mistake. Well......here goes, my ex has tried contacting me via MSN twice last week and a previous email. I chose to ignore all 3 attempts. Last nite, while I was online he suddenly popped up (i deleted him off my contact list) and said hello. I gave in and talked to him when my goal was 6 months NC! He said some nice things at first like how I looked good in the new display pic I had up and asked how school etc. was going. I thought we could maintain a nice, friendly conversation. He told me he was depressed and never went out on weekends. At first I actually felt sorry for him. (stupid me!) (I dont want him back, I dumped him 7 months ago, did NC for 2) One of the first questions he asked was, "Are you still living in the same place?" (he came to see me in my new apt. right after we broke up for a little while) So, why would he ask that? Just to make conversation? The conversation continued on w/ a few awkward moments. I had no idea what to say but I kept it cool and calm. Well........just when I thought we could be friends, he asks the dreaded question: "are u seeing neone?" I'm dating right now, but not seriously was my response. I asked him the same and he said he wasnt dating anyone. After that line, he immediately said he had to go and left. I replied, ok cya. dumbfounded. Why did he ask those questions when we've had NC for over 2 mos? And while did he log off so fast after he found out I wasn't single? Link to post Share on other sites
concrete rose Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 i'm thinking that hes missing you and probably wants you back! Once you told him that you were dating someone he probably got upset to find out that you weren't single and you have maybe moved on (which would mean to him that at this point your not going back to him)...so he got upset and logged off. Simple as that i think! If he said hes depressed, he might be hinting at you that hes not happy that your gone and basically hes miserable without you. he might even be trying to make you feel bad for dumping him, and may think that you'll go back to him for doing this?!?!...i dunnno just a thought! I don't think hes just trying to make conversation with you though...its probably him missing you and curious to know what you've been up to! if he was really attached to you, 2 months of NC isn't that long, hes still thinking about you. well, I was still thinking about my ex after 2 months at least... If you want to keep doing the NC thing, i recommend you blocking and deleting him off your list. It will probably make it easier for both you and him. Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author seductress989 Posted January 21, 2005 Author Share Posted January 21, 2005 I guess I dont know what I should do....I mean, he was so cruel to me after we broke the final time when I actually did want him back. Well, it seems now that I've moved on for good, he has to pop back up and say he's depressed and all this other crap. I'm thinking it was a guilt trip. I don't really care to talk to him b/c I dont have feelings for him, but I dont want to hear his pity story. I have him deleted but I'm not going to block him. I think eventually we could be friends but not now. Maybe I won't hear from him again since he knows I'm taken.......what do you guys think? Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewJ Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 If he seriously misses you i beleive u will hear from him again. I don't know what you should say to him if you do make contact again. But id say he left the msn convo quick sticks cause his heart was playing up. Link to post Share on other sites
upsetnhurt Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 So are you dating anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted January 21, 2005 Share Posted January 21, 2005 if you do not want him back and dont have feelings for him anymore then why cant you be friends with him now but are open to it in the future? Also, if you do not have feelings why are you posting on this forum asking what you should do (when logical answer is if you do not care about soemone you don't worry/wonder about it) and why would you keep him open to contacting you if you said you don't care to talk to him? Block him if you do not want to talk to this guy or tell him to leave you alone. Sorry but it all just seems a little off...me thinks you still have feelings for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author seductress989 Posted January 21, 2005 Author Share Posted January 21, 2005 I absolutely do not have feelings for my ex. I just wonder why he's doing this now since I started NC 2 months ago. I think he was a little surprised by me saying I was seeing someone. Although it's not serious yet, I am actually dating someone. I think it's funny that he had to be so obvious about leaving the conversation he started after I told him I was seeing someone. I dont feel sorry for him anymore. He sounds like the biggest loser now and it's like he's trying to blame for me his pity by telling me how depressed he is. I broke up with him for very good reasons, Weird. He manipulated me and bascially brainwashed me into someone that I wasn't. NC helped me to find that person I had lost while dating him. I felt like I was under a spell and now I feel totally different about him and about the relationship. After meeting new people, I know that I dont have feelings for him and I have peace of mind and happiness. Seeing him after the breakup was the wrong thing to do and I quit doing it. Now, he contacts me and expects me to come running back....(dont think so!) I'm not the person I used to be. I've grew in many ways and definitely moved on. I can be his friend but never again will I be "a friend w/benefits". I assumed that was why he was contacting me after 2 months. Not b/c he missed me, but b/c he missed what he got from me. That's why I'm questioning his true motives. Link to post Share on other sites
ion Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 You are second guessing yourself. If No Contact was working for you and this slight communication is causing you to have to intellectually contort yourself to either defend what you think or what you think he is saying or doing, it's clear not enough time has passed with No Contact. If you are still bringing up how he treated you while you were in a relationship in the past in method that tallys good or bad, then you're still in the middle of an ongoing conflict from the past. It's over. You're in new relationship now. Tell him the truth, if he contacts you again. You can be friends, but nothing more. If you can't honestly do that at this point, No Contact is better. Yea it sounds like it was a mistake. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
concrete rose Posted January 22, 2005 Share Posted January 22, 2005 I absolutely do not have feelings for my ex. I just wonder why he's doing this now since I started NC 2 months ago. I think he was a little surprised by me saying I was seeing someone. Although it's not serious yet, I am actually dating someone. I think it's funny that he had to be so obvious about leaving the conversation he started after I told him I was seeing someone. I dont feel sorry for him anymore. He sounds like the biggest loser now and it's like he's trying to blame for me his pity by telling me how depressed he is. I broke up with him for very good reasons, Weird. He manipulated me and bascially brainwashed me into someone that I wasn't. NC helped me to find that person I had lost while dating him. I felt like I was under a spell and now I feel totally different about him and about the relationship. After meeting new people, I know that I dont have feelings for him and I have peace of mind and happiness. Seeing him after the breakup was the wrong thing to do and I quit doing it. Now, he contacts me and expects me to come running back....(dont think so!) I'm not the person I used to be. I've grew in many ways and definitely moved on. I can be his friend but never again will I be "a friend w/benefits". I assumed that was why he was contacting me after 2 months. Not b/c he missed me, but b/c he missed what he got from me. That's why I'm questioning his true motives. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >>Ok! i just wanted to tell you that it sounds a lot like a situation i was in with my ex....my ex sounds like your ex!! what my ex was doing was that he was messaging his exs on msn and chatting them up, and basically after chatting for a bit, he would try to see if they would want to have sex with him. He would also (like your guy) tell them how depressed he was or whatever. He was doing this WHILE i was dating him, and i found out and thats pretty much why we broke up...along with a few other reasons! But HEy! I dunno maybe your guy is doing the same thing!?! maybe your ex is my ex!? haha! sorry it just kinda freaks me out because it sounds identical to what was going on with me...sorry i'm a little paranoid lol! Anyways, i agree with Weird on this one. If you don't care about him, Block him! Link to post Share on other sites
Author seductress989 Posted January 24, 2005 Author Share Posted January 24, 2005 I'm still questioning myself here and I know I shouldn't be. But don't worry my ex is not your ex. (concrete rose) We live in 2 different countries! I've decided that I will block him if he IM's me again and starts telling me about how horrible that his life is right now. Because, frankly, I dont want to hear it. I know that he's telling me this b/c he is angry with the way he feels right now. It seems that some people really dont know what they have until its gone and I mean, fully gone! So, it's like he's taking his feelings of anger and depression out on me and blaming me also. That is my feelings on this and I could be wrong. I guess he also expects me to come running to him like I have numerous times before. But that has stopped now. I think I've drilled enough holes in my heart. It always seems like when you truly get over someone, that they always try to come back. Well, in the past, that's always happened to me. It's like a test to see if you really are over that person when they do make a bleak attempt at contact. In conclusion, I appreciate all the responses on my thread. Hopefully, jerkoff wont IM me anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewJ Posted January 24, 2005 Share Posted January 24, 2005 Seductress I think you need to be honest with this fella. Would love to know how he manipulated you/ brainwashed you? A good freind wrote a song about your situation if i could send it to you would find it rather comforting. The chorus goes "Jasmine i cant see you no more my amulet has been broken". You feel his evilness has put a spell on you? Time to face up to him and tell the truth. Link to post Share on other sites
Author seductress989 Posted January 26, 2005 Author Share Posted January 26, 2005 I cant even began to tell you, andrew, how he brainwashed and manipulated me. When I wasnt w/him, I felt like he was there. I mean, he made me feel bad for going out w/my own sister!!! He sabotaged our relationship b/c he was jealous of me and my sister. He always said she would get me around boys and that I was "sluttin around" if I was with her!! Thats just one of the many ways he screwed w/my head and ruined the relationship I had w/my family b/c of his own insecurities. Guys, take it from me, dont ever get mad at ur girl for going out w/her sister! Thats just wrong! (and she may dump u over it) I have not ever cheated on him, but it's a wonder I didnt for the way he screwed me up. I used to hate him but now there are no feelings. Thats the way I felt about my other exes and I knew then that I was fully over them. There's no going back. Nothing he could say or do would make me come back. (not even a guilt trip) I will tell him how I feel if he asks, but hopefully he wont. I dont intentionally want to hurt him, but if he asks I will tell. I'm not the type of person to lead someone on. Link to post Share on other sites
AndrewJ Posted January 29, 2005 Share Posted January 29, 2005 He sounds like a peice of work. You should go and get your tv back! You said u have bene the happiest you have been in two years? Sounds like you are on your way to recovery maximus. Plenty of good guys out there Link to post Share on other sites
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