Shetland Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 And I checked her instagram...and I saw pictures of the guy so now I even know what he looks like. They are together, and they seem quite happy with their lives. And who cares right? Cause that's her life and not mine. I know I should only worry for my own life...but it's easier said than done. So even though I deactivated everything, now I am actually blocking those sites totally so I can't even access them. I'm declaring war on this whole mess. And since I am way too late into this game to bother my friends again for support, I really just wanna hear from you guys that everything's gonna be alright. Cause this really just really sucks. Isn't it crazy that the ones who can hurt you the most, are the ones you love? Link to post Share on other sites
10yearsgoneaway Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 And I checked her instagram...and I saw pictures of the guy so now I even know what he looks like. They are together, and they seem quite happy with their lives. And who cares right? Cause that's her life and not mine. I know I should only worry for my own life...but it's easier said than done. So even though I deactivated everything, now I am actually blocking those sites totally so I can't even access them. I'm declaring war on this whole mess. And since I am way too late into this game to bother my friends again for support, I really just wanna hear from you guys that everything's gonna be alright. Cause this really just really sucks. Isn't it crazy that the ones who can hurt you the most, are the ones you love? For the love of all things.....DO NOT check social media! (I did this same thing this morning. already having a bad 3 days, just spent the last 2 hours crying harder than ever) Block so you can't have weak moments. This is slowly sinking in. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I actually think that it's good that you saw her with her new boyfriend, appearing to be very happy. It should make your situation more real. It should confirm what you probably already knew, but didn't want to believe. She HAS moved on. Of course you'll be okay. You aren't the first or last person to see their ex posting pictures with a new boyfriend/girlfriend and feeling terrible about it. You lived to write that message, so everything will be okay. I won't tell you to worry about yourself either, because I know it isn't easy. As much as I want to focus on my life, my thoughts always go back to her. Obviously you shouldn't make a habit of this though, and you should block her everywhere for your own sanity. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shetland Posted May 11, 2015 Author Share Posted May 11, 2015 Yes definitely. I had thought deactivating social media was enough, but I had one account left open which I never used. Anyways these websites are all connected to each other now so I jumped from one website to another and ended on the one place in the internet I vowed never to enter. Not trying to make excuse, I messed up, and had a re-lapse. So yes, now I have taken more extreme measures not to check social media. And yeah it is WAY more real now. Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Whatever you do, don't check her social media again. I barely survived not knowing what he was doing. If there were another girl involved, I'm sure I would have gone on a murderous war path. It gets better. Some days are hard and most are easier. The universe has to keep itself balanced somehow. We deserve way more than we settled for. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Jonp219 Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 If I saw my ex with another guy I don't know if I would drink pills or bleach afterwards. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Bubberfly Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Shame on you! (Kidding!) I have been here. I had spent quite a bit of time away from the Internet period, and when I started back up again... I had forgotten that he and I were followers on certain websites... And oooops, there he was on my dashboard in all his glory. It's shocking really how intertwined these social media sites are (and how intertwined our lives can end up being with our partners). I spent the rest of the day feeling cold and like complete ****. But I deleted him off of everything, blocked him off of everything and I felt so much relief. It's really EMPOWERING when you think about it. "I have the power to completely delete you out of my life for good!" I get the biggest boost of self-confidence the longer I go NOT looking him up. Like others have said, it'll get better. We all have out setbacks (in all aspects of life). Nothing to be ashamed of. And think of it this way, if you ever happen to see the "guy" out in public (if you and ex live anywhere near eachother) you'll have the POWER to avoid him too! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I was wondering the other day: were breakups easier before social media, when all you really had to worry about was a chance encounter at the bar or an awkward run-in at the grocery store? It seems nowadays misery is just one click away. I too made the mistake of unblocking my ex on Facebook, seeing all the new girls he had friended and going back to square one. I tried with all my might not to do it but I am weak. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveiswar101 Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Made a mistake...we all do.. I don't do social media, don't believe my ex does either (old people lol). But cutting all ties is the only way. After my ex tells me she wants space, she joins my gym. I CANCELLED my membership. She drives out of her way to shop at my supermarket. I SHOP somewhere else. I go by her house on the way to work. I GO a different route. Her best friend dating one of my good friends. I REGRETFULLY don't hang out with him anymore. To move on sacrifices have to be made. DO NOT GO ON SOCIAL MEDIA ANYMORE MY FRIEND ! Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I was wondering the other day: were breakups easier before social media, when all you really had to worry about was a chance encounter at the bar or an awkward run-in at the grocery store? It seems nowadays misery is just one click away. I too made the mistake of unblocking my ex on Facebook, seeing all the new girls he had friended and going back to square one. I tried with all my might not to do it but I am weak. Both breakups and relationships were easier before social media. Before FB in particular one could simply have or not have a relationship without needing to broadcast to the world until married. There was gossip and mothing more. You'll be ok. Moving on faster does not mean moving on better. Link to post Share on other sites
TrevorDia Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Don't worry, this kind of thing happens. Last week my ex liked my picture on Instagram which made me click on her profile, and now for half the past week I've not been able to stop thinking about her. Today marks 3 weeks of NC though, and I think I'm "over the hump". You'll bounce back from this, don't worry about little mistakes like this Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 perhaps, what you need is a mantra. i have used them successfully during some of the most horrendous times in my life. pick a phrase, not to long, a sentence is good. say it over and over and over, out loud, 100 times a day. something like: "it's over, the end" or "remove these thoughts, their useless". this WILL work. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shetland Posted May 11, 2015 Author Share Posted May 11, 2015 Thanks for all the support guys. I'm sure everyone has gone through something similar so its good to know I'll get through this. It has certainly made the coping process difficult, but I guess feeling the pain is strangely enough the only way to move on. I was wondering if you guys believed that having your heart broken would change the way you approach break-ups in the future. My ex had always been the dumper and I feel like, if she had gone through what we have all gone through, she wouldn't have pulled the trigger so lightly. I dont know, i guess this is all part of growing up. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I was wondering if you guys believed that having your heart broken would change the way you approach break-ups in the future. My ex had always been the dumper and I feel like, if she had gone through what we have all gone through, she wouldn't have pulled the trigger so lightly. My last ex and I had both been dumpers and dumpees. Having been devastated by a past breakup, Mr. Sensitivity could really *empathize* with what I was going through during the breakup.... but it didn't stop him from cheating or dumping me for the other woman. They're going to do what they want to do -- and even knowing first-hand the pain they're causing, they'll find a way to rationalize doing it anyway. To hell with them! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gatema Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 (edited) All I can really say to help you with any further decisions about using social media to do, let's say, a little snoop doggy doggin; as in checking up on that special someone that has broken your heart; ask yourself if you are you truly ready for what is about to happen next. Just know to be extremely careful, and definitely brace yourself for whatever it is that you are about to discover; it's like the smell of death. Once you've clicked on a site that has the capability to expose even the tiniest bit of information about an ex directly back to you within seconds; everything changes. In other words, you'll never be able to take those moments back. End of story. There will never be another opportunity for you to simply blow off what just happened; no erasing the images, or no dismissing the words that you just saw. Unfortunately, there are no do overs in the social media experience(s); that's the risk. Especially when your purpose is to find something out about someone that you were not emotionally prepared for to uncover. Typically, my best guess would be, that one of two possibilities will probably be in your immediate future. That is, if you choose to continue to use social media as a spy tool. You'll either become totally obsessed with it, or you will fall to your knees with disbelief; none of which would be a healthy forecast for you to move forward, and for sure, to do so, any time soon. Again, equate looking on social media (in your case, as a way to keep tabs on your ex) much like the smell of death; it never, ever, really goes away. Edited May 11, 2015 by Gatema Link to post Share on other sites
Loveless86 Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 (edited) My ex left me 3 weeks ago for another man. IDK who he is and i never want to, i dont know his name or what he looks like. If shes happy with someone else those images will kill me ( she may not be happy ) Its none of my business, people are right about no contact, out of sight out of mind, im slowly forgetting about her. Every time my mind wanders and i wonder what shes up to, whether shes happy or not, if she'll come back or not, i interrupt my thoughts with....................................... " Its none of my business anymore" "She's not my concern" "She's someone elses problem" "STOP!!! You're only torturing yourself !" Its the worst thing in the world what you're going through im going through the same, i wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy ( which im starting to think is my ex) **** her for making me feel like this! In short stay away from the ****book! Edited May 11, 2015 by Loveless86 Link to post Share on other sites
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