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He was not that into me, but I still think about him


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I just need someone to share this with... it's really a stupid situation, but I need to get it out.

 

I recently got out of a +6 year relationship and I was emotionally exausted. As a result I needed to find a guy, but not for a relationship, just intimacy. I found one... and everything happened lightning fast, in the span of a week. I felt like I knew him for years (he claimed the same), we had amazing sex a few times, lots of fun and everything was just perfect. He used to text me every day, saying how he can't stop thinking of me, we talked about things we want to try together, etc. I felt really, really happy because that's all I wanted - an intimate friend.

 

A few weeks into it he just stopped texting. I found it odd, but gave him space anyway, because hey - he's not obliged to call non-stop. After 3 days of no contact (I see he's online on messenger though) I asked him if he had plans for the evening - he didn't reply. 3 more days passed. Then I messaged him again: "Hey, you suddenly dissapeared, is everything ok?". He said he was ok, that it wasn't supposed to happen like this and that he wants to have lunch so we can catch up. I happily agreed. 20 minutes before the actuall meet up though, he texted "Uh I can't come, really hungover from last night. Want to move it for tonight?"

 

I got a bit offended and did not reply. See, he suddenly stopped calling, I contacted him twice, he proposed to meet up and then said he won't come, and didn't even apologize. I've had my fair share of being spineless with men, so I decided not to budge this time.

 

Fast forward a few days, I learned that something very good and important for him has happened, and although we didn't really talk, I wanted to congratulate him because I knew it meant a lot to him. He was happy, said "Thanks so much! How are you doing?", I replied I was good, and he dropped it at that.

 

I realize the guy wasn't that much into me and that nothing would come out of this anyway. I still don't want a relationship, but I was ready to offer a liberal, open friendship with lots of mind blowing sex. I'm kind of hurt it actually turned out too good to be true and I can't stop thinking about him. Really *****ty :(

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You already said that you're not looking to be in a relationship. So basically this guy is a rebound, and he probably felt like a rebound. If he wants to go you have no reason to force him to be with you but to let him go. It's already bad enough for him to be in this situation..

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Well, I didn't think of him as a rebound. We talked about it, he also said he was recently single and was up to have fun and be friends. As funny as it sounds now, we did make plans for "the near future" but it was all about feeling good. We (well, I) were so comofrtable at one point, that I was worried I was exhibiting more emotions than needed in the situation, and I thought that drove him away.

 

I wish I could talk to him about it, but I don't see how I can ask without appearing clingy or desperate.

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I wish I could talk to him about it, but I don't see how I can ask without appearing clingy or desperate.

 

Yep, time to go Old School. Say nothing, do nothing, disappear completely.

 

For the next few weeks, either stay offline or make yourself invisible to him on every site and app and messenger you use. Just drop out of sight completely, if that means not posting on Facebook or where ever, so be it.

 

Disappear and spend some time focusing on YOU and your life, on healing and feeling better. Enjoy spending time with friends and relatives. I wouldn't be surprised if after a while he doesn't come back contacting you for another round.

 

Be aware though, it sounds like this guy is up for FWB only. ;)

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stillafool

You say you don't want a relationship yet you are acting like you are in one. You two are basically FWBs. If it's just sex you want I'm sure you can still get it but stop getting upset because he's not in constant contact with you. That's not what FWB do.

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Yep, time to go Old School. Say nothing, do nothing, disappear completely.

 

For the next few weeks, either stay offline or make yourself invisible to him on every site and app and messenger you use. Just drop out of sight completely, if that means not posting on Facebook or where ever, so be it.

 

Disappear and spend some time focusing on YOU and your life, on healing and feeling better. Enjoy spending time with friends and relatives. I wouldn't be surprised if after a while he doesn't come back contacting you for another round.

 

Be aware though, it sounds like this guy is up for FWB only. ;)

 

I'll do that. But what kind of FWB is it when we're neither friends, nor having sex? Am I missing something :D

 

You say you don't want a relationship yet you are acting like you are in one. You two are basically FWBs. If it's just sex you want I'm sure you can still get it but stop getting upset because he's not in constant contact with you. That's not what FWB do.

 

I want sex and I'm not getting it, so I don't see how this is a FWB. What gets to me is that he didn't say one goddamn word. He could've said "Back off" or "I don't want to see you anymore" or "I'm not up for this" or whatever, but he gave me no closure whatsoever and it pisses me off...

 

Women need to stop thinking they can separate their emotions from sex.

 

It's a cruel world, one has to at least try.

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Well, your situation is a bit different from a standard FWB because you're also using him as a rebound from your 6 year relationship.

 

Just be careful because you've got a lot of feelings -- that you describe as a kind of *instant comfort level* that you're projecting onto this guy, who presumably is just looking to get laid and have fun.

 

So, take it for what it is. You probably spooked him a bit, but give it a few weeks -- totally off line -- and see if he comes back around.

 

Really, if he doesn't, so what? You were never falling in love with the guy. It's probably better for you NOT to be with someone you might catch feelings for right now anyway. :)

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