First glimpse of indifference this morning?

[Jonp219]

It's been a couple of weeks since I've posted a thread in the break up section of LS, so since it's the first of the month i'm just going to go ahead and do it today.

 

Overall, I feel MUCH better compared to how I was feeling 2 months ago. I've been NC for about a month and 5 days (no calling, no texting, no checking social media etc.). I guess i'm just too scared to break it now. I don't have the heart to find out what she's doing or what she's been up to. I guess that's a good thing though, it's saving me from falling into the pit of doom again. There are times I feel very euphoric, just looking forward to an amazing day. But some days (normally during the mornings), I begin to feel those hurtful emotions again, I long for her and contemplate a future with her. But I know that cycle is detrimental, so I try my absolute best to steer away from that. Which is BIG for me, I was never good at breaking cycles in my mind, I was always on auto-pilot.

 

My therapist has told me that I've made HUGE breakthroughs in my sections with him, and he's been pleased with my progress thus far. He told me the progress I've made in the last 3 months has trumped everything I've done in the year prior to that, he's emphatically impressed. The book I've been reading for about a month now, "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle has changed my life. I've told him about the book and how it has accounted for the majority of my changes. He told me to continue reading it and to pay attention to my emotions, he sees alot of good has come out of it. Not only that, but he's impressed with my honesty, I'm showing less self-doubt and I don't beat around the bush with my answers anymore. Every time I see him now he constantly has a smile on his face, I guess he's really proud of me, and I am too.

 

I allow myself to cry as much as I have to throughout the week. I'm only human, I can't bring my feelings to a halt. There are moments when I get bummed out and start thinking about her, but those memories have become sort of an annoyance for me. I mostly get bummed out at the idea that I may not find someone as good as her, or the next relationship may not last as long. I would like to get the attention of some girls, but apart of me is still a little scared of moving on. I don't know how to explain it, you can't explain emotions they are what they are. I guess apart of me is going to miss the pain, as weird as that may sound lol

 

I've signed up to some Meetup groups for the next few weeks. I will be doing a couple of Toastmasters meetings since I've been wanting to improve my public speaking skills, and a few seminars on love and meditation. Tranquility has become somewhat important to me, I try my best to keep my energy levels on the positive side. I've been focusing on school as well, I'm graduating with my bachelors this summer, so i'm trying to finish on a good note

 

I like the improvements I've made thus far. Apart of me is like, "See you really do have what it takes to be a better man", another part of me is like, "Man, why the hell couldn't you of done this when she was around"? It took something as traumatic as a break up for me to finally realize that I've been on a downward spiral for years now, I guess that's what it took. I don't know what the future holds, but I look outside my window and it's a beautiful day, and that's all I see. Tomorrow it might rain, but I don't care, because today is right in front of me, right now is all we have, all we have is the NOW.

 

Yesterday was my mothers birthday and I took her and my brother out to dinner. Monday I reunited with my father for the first time in almost 4 years, and it was nice. Talking to him I realized something, I realized that I forgave him. I forgave him for everything he put me and my mom through, and I look forward to having a relationship with him again.

 

I'm optimistic, hopeful, and scared. But I no longer avoid fear, I walk towards it. You must sail through the fog in order to find the lighthouse, I hope I find mines soon.

Edited May 1, 2015 by Jonp219

[Simon Phoenix]

This is great to hear man. Keep it up. I remember how desperate and crazy you were for a bit after you got here and it's awesome that you're turning this setback into an opportunity. Keep it going man -- you're going to be all right.

[Jonp219]

This is great to hear man. Keep it up. I remember how desperate and crazy you were for a bit after you got here and it's awesome that you're turning this setback into an opportunity. Keep it going man -- you're going to be all right.

 

Thanks man

 

I'm doing my absolute best to not be who I was in my previous relationship, and i'm glad i'm FEELING the progress thus far. Only which I did all this when I was still with her

 

However, nonetheless, i'm feeling OK about myself.

[Jonp219]

This is the first morning in almost 3 months when I woke up with her in my mind. I rose out of bed telling myself, "Hmm, something is missing...". I went outside, I felt the cool breeze, saw the sunset from the train platform (normally makes me think of her), and I got to work it dawned on me, she just wasn't on my mind this morning, for the first time in just under 3 months (It will be 3 months since my break up on May 6th; 1 month and 6 days for NC).

 

Now thinking about it though, all of this is scaring the **** out of me. I spent 4 years with this girl, from my knowledge she didn't do me dirty, and just like that, I'm recovering like it was a scrap on the knee?

 

And since she was cold and distant with me since the break-up, if I'm feeling like this then I must be an afterthought to her lol. Kind of sad, but it seems like that's the reality of the thing. I know this summer is going to fuel a lot of emotions for me since its the time we normally go away and we also saw her favorite band in concert last year for the first time.

 

I don't know if this is a cooling down period but yeah I think this recovery is moving a little too smoothly lol. But maybe not, because if I were to see her outside I think I would have to double take.

[Ruby65]

Congratulations! Keep moving forward, you're doing great.

[SoThatHappened]

Enjoy this day. Tomorrow is another story, as is next week and next month.

 

If it hurt you as much as you say, you will have a down-turn. I HATE being negative about it, but it's an almost certainty you'll have another bad spell.

 

Don't let that discourage you. It's just how it goes. But you're better off being prepared for the lows, as they will come.

 

Again, enjoy the "up" days. Keep improving. That will lessen the sting of the down-swings and cause them to be less frequent.

 

Eventually, you'll be having a long string of good days and you'll be asking yourself, "why am I thinking about her today?" instead of the other way around.

[Jonp219]

Enjoy this day. Tomorrow is another story, as is next week and next month.

 

If it hurt you as much as you say, you will have a down-turn. I HATE being negative about it, but it's an almost certainty you'll have another bad spell.

 

Don't let that discourage you. It's just how it goes. But you're better off being prepared for the lows, as they will come.

 

Again, enjoy the "up" days. Keep improving. That will lessen the sting of the down-swings and cause them to be less frequent.

 

Eventually, you'll be having a long string of good days and you'll be asking yourself, "why am I thinking about her today?" instead of the other way around.

 

Oh this all too familiar to me lol

 

Since the break-up I've contacted her 2 times in 3 months so this is my first time going over a month without contact and trust me, when that month came strolling by I felt like I was falling back into the bargaining stage. Last week I cried like 3 times, but funny thing is crying has become protocol for me kind of like eating and using the rest room, it's just something I have to get done to put my body at ease. Yesterday I cried watching Tarzan with my baby cousin, it just hits you when you least expect it.

 

I know I'm a long way from TRUE indifference because I not only ask myself, "Why am I not thinking about her today?" but also, "Is she thinking about ME today?"

 

The summer was the time we saw each other the most, so I know I'm going to face many lows between late May-late August. But i'm not going to stay put i'm going to move around as much as I possibly can.

[10yearsgoneaway]

Enjoy this day. Tomorrow is another story, as is next week and next month.

 

If it hurt you as much as you say, you will have a down-turn. I HATE being negative about it, but it's an almost certainty you'll have another bad spell.

 

 

I agree with this. But it does mean you are on your way to freedom! (free from the hurt)

 

Don't be discouraged when you have your bad moments. They will happen.

The best thing I found is to expect them, and that makes it easier. Thinking you are out of the woods and then having a down turn happen can make you second guess any healing is possible.

 

Enjoy the good moments as they happen, and know eventually they will outweigh and outnumber the bad.

[na49]

I agree that although you might feel great for now, the bad feelings can creep back and hit you. They don't need to hurt as bad as they used to though. Life is full of ups and downs whether you are getting over a breakup or not. It's awesome to see how well you've been doing recently compared to where you were. I also know how you feel about the summer being a tough time. My ex and I also saw each other a lot during the summer, and would always do fun things together. It'll be the loneliest summer for me in a while, but I just have to embrace that she isn't part of my life anymore.

 

Keep up the good work man!

[Jonp219]

I agree that although you might feel great for now, the bad feelings can creep back and hit you. They don't need to hurt as bad as they used to though. Life is full of ups and downs whether you are getting over a breakup or not. It's awesome to see how well you've been doing recently compared to where you were. I also know how you feel about the summer being a tough time. My ex and I also saw each other a lot during the summer, and would always do fun things together. It'll be the loneliest summer for me in a while, but I just have to embrace that she isn't part of my life anymore.

 

Keep up the good work man!

 

Thanks man, I appreciate it

 

And yes, I do know the bad feelings will creep back from time to time, but this is the very first time she wasn't on my mind when I woke up. I'm just happy I've made to this point after all that i've been doing these past few months to improve on myself.

 

The next step is getting a few dates but i don't even know where to start or if it's even a good idea at this time. You know?

[na49]

Thanks man, I appreciate it

 

And yes, I do know the bad feelings will creep back from time to time, but this is the very first time she wasn't on my mind when I woke up. I'm just happy I've made to this point after all that i've been doing these past few months to improve on myself.

 

The next step is getting a few dates but i don't even know where to start or if it's even a good idea at this time. You know?

 

You're not that far out of the breakup, so it's okay if the bad feelings do come back. I remember reading your posts when you first joined here, and you have made great progress.

 

Everyone moves at their own pace. If you think you are ready to start dating (just casually) then go for it. If the moment is right, you'll know. I thought I was ready for that, but once the girl I asked out wasn't interested, I fell right back into the hole. I was longing for my ex, feeling I'll never fall in love again, etc. I've dusted myself off since, but I don't think I'm ready for that yet. I just want to focus on meeting new people, and having a great life that my next girl can be a part of.

 

If you still want your ex back, I don't know if it's fair to get involved with another girl. You know yourself better than anyone though, if you think dating is the next step for you then get out there. I read that you are in college, so there has to be people on campus you can talk to.

[Jonp219]

You're not that far out of the breakup, so it's okay if the bad feelings do come back. I remember reading your posts when you first joined here, and you have made great progress.

 

Everyone moves at their own pace. If you think you are ready to start dating (just casually) then go for it. If the moment is right, you'll know. I thought I was ready for that, but once the girl I asked out wasn't interested, I fell right back into the hole. I was longing for my ex, feeling I'll never fall in love again, etc. I've dusted myself off since, but I don't think I'm ready for that yet. I just want to focus on meeting new people, and having a great life that my next girl can be a part of.

 

If you still want your ex back, I don't know if it's fair to get involved with another girl. You know yourself better than anyone though, if you think dating is the next step for you then get out there. I read that you are in college, so there has to be people on campus you can talk to.

 

Unfortunately, yes. I do still want her back

 

It's not something I can control, it just comes with the territory. I heard the hope eventually fades after time, so I just try to take it easy not ponder on it.

 

I think I should only do casual dates and meet new people, I don't want to get involved in anything too serious just yet. I know I still have alot of work to do, so I think it's best I just handle my business first before even considering a new relationship just yet, at least until I'm fully healed.

 

I think I'm just going to enjoy the summer and continue on the path I'm on.

[fireflywy]

Good job Jonp. I've also been reading a lot of unique books lately and a lot on Western Hermeticism and meditation. I just, because you recommended it, bought the Tolle book. I'm reading it now at Barnes and Noble In between typing this.

[Jonp219]

Good job Jonp. I've also been reading a lot of unique books lately and a lot on Western Hermeticism and meditation. I just, because you recommended it, bought the Tolle book. I'm reading it now at Barnes and Noble In between typing this.

 

"The Power of Now" has made me look at life from a new set of lens. Never knew how unhealthy it was to immerse yourself in your own thoughts. No wonder I was such a mess I was trying to rationalize what happened to me with my own mind, that's ridiculous. I've been meaning to check out Hermeticism and other meditation books because they all deal with visualization.

 

How much have these books helped you on your journey towards recovery?

[fireflywy]

"The Power of Now" has made me look at life from a new set of lens. Never knew how unhealthy it was to immerse yourself in your own thoughts. No wonder I was such a mess I was trying to rationalize what happened to me with my own mind, that's ridiculous. I've been meaning to check out Hermeticism and other meditation books because they all deal with visualization.

 

How much have these books helped you on your journey towards recovery?

 

Well, I don't know if they've helped me so much as they've been interesting to experiment with and have been empowering for myself. Its the first time in my life when I've really asked myself "Hey, what makes YOU tick and how can you make yourself better?"

 

If you're going to get a book on Hermetics and "magick" get "The New Hermetics" blue covered book. There is a chapter there on balancing your elements which, when is all is considered, utilizes visualization and neuro linguistic programming. Time has been the biggest factor, that, good friends, and LS.

[SheleftmeforMichael]

Jonp219, I'm glad in seeing you do well on the path to recovery as I am and others here on this forum.

 

When I first started actively posting here, I remember reading about where you were before and comparing to how you are doing now, it gives me hope and reassurance that we will make it through this completely. We have to. It will just take time and continued healing.

 

I do not come to this forum as often as I did before due how busy work has been getting and i've been dating again. I'm not trying to jump into anything serious again, but I'm experimenting in "putting myself out there" again with good results so far.

 

I have reached the point of 85% indifference and acceptance towards my ex, Jenn. I still have my days when I do occasionally think of her, but slowly those days are few compared to how I was constantly thinking of her in the beginning of this year.

 

I'm happy for you, man. Keep fighting the good fight and let us learn from the past and move forward towards the futures we deserve.

 

Peace.