xxsilverdragonxx Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Well, I've been driving myself nuts lately thinking about Christmas coming up, and I'm still trying to deal with coping. What I've been debating internally is whether or not I should give my ex something for Christmas, and if I do, should it be something semi-thoughtful like a card, or something else. Or, should I not give her anything? I think mentally I'm dealing with our breakup pretty well, which was over 2 months ago. Halloween went by, Thanksgiving went by, and now that I want to be festive and giving, I have an ex to think about. Here's the facts, and thanks ahead for reading through it. 1. She is dating someone else. This is a pretty clear position that she doesn't want to be with me. Don't tell me this. 2. I know she still has to care for me somewhat. But I can't read minds, so I'll stop thinking there. 3. Deep down somewhere I care about her a lot. I do miss being around her. 4. What I am afraid of is that not giving her anything would tell her I'm absolutely freakin' happy that we aren't together anymore, which isn't true entirely. 5. Then on the other hand, part of my healing/coping is with NC. So far its helped, but the holiday season is really taxing the idea of not even speaking to her. She probably expects me to do something.... 6. What I'm leaning heavily towards is a card. A bland, average christmas card that I'll probably mail to her. I'm afraid If I decide to write something in it, it might get a little emotionally charged.... I really really don't know how to deal with this issue at the time of the holidays. I love her parents to death and still talk to them, and was wanting to get them something together, but I'm conflicted with what to do about their daughter, my ex. I think just a card is a safe idea, but I don't know how to convey to her how I feel without making me look weaker than I am or maybe even desperate, which will push a chance of reconciling back farther. Or is not getting her anything, but her parents something, a better way to handle things? Give some suggestions please. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 I don't think sending a card is that bad - particularly in the holiday season. Its a nice gesture. If it makes you feel good, then thats all that matters. What she chooses to do with it, or how she chooses to see it is her business. You could send your ex a fairly impersonal card with a pre-written message in it that you like, and sign your name. Then you could get her parents a really nice card, and include a personal note to them and a small gift if you like. If you are still close with her parents, then the friendship is between you and her parents and you can do any gestures for them you feel comfortable with. I'd think her parents would understand if you just got her a card. I don't expect they'd bring it up with her though, particularly if she has already moved on. Link to post Share on other sites
SpaceCoyote Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 I wouldn't do a card. I think only two things can come out of that, both bad: you'll say something overly emotional and she'll be turned off, or you'll say something generic and she'll read it and not think twice about it, i.e. it will have no significance to her. Neither seems like a great outcome. Me personally, I already know what I am getting my ex. It is something small yet has a personal significance to her and I. And I know it is something she wants, so I know she will keep it and use it, but at the same time will be forced to think of me when she does. Just trying to give her back a little of the heartache she has given me..... But barring something like that, I would recommend doing nothing. Why worry about giving her the idea that you are happy not being together? I don't know if you want her back at all, but showing you have moved on is more likely to accomplish it than letting her know you are still hung up on her. Link to post Share on other sites
EC Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 I think you should not get her anything. She has someone new..and I just hope you don't want to send her something in hopes that she will see it and leave him for you. If you do want to send her something then send it because you want to be nice but do not send it expecting her to return to you or to get her thinking about you. I think you best bet would be to send her Parents a little something and a card and then just put her mothers , fathers and her name on it, so that your not singling her out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxsilverdragonxx Posted December 2, 2004 Author Share Posted December 2, 2004 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia Its a nice gesture. If it makes you feel good, then thats all that matters. You could send your ex a fairly impersonal card with a pre-written message in it that you like, and sign your name. I appreciate the advice. I'll pick out a nice card, sign my name, and send it to her. I've been trying to figure out how the female mind works for years, but I know that a nice christmas card will at least let her know that I still know of her existance, and simply, that it all I really have and want to say at her at this time. For her parents, they get the works. Not only a card, but since they don't get to go out often, I'll include a gift certificate to a really nice italian place that me and the ex always went to. I had a few other ideas for small gifts for the ex...will think more about it and post later.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author xxsilverdragonxx Posted December 2, 2004 Author Share Posted December 2, 2004 Originally posted by EtErNaLlYCoNfUsEd She has someone new..and I just hope you don't want to send her something in hopes that she will see it and leave him for you. Nah, that would be baaaad. I would never send anything out with a million hopes attached to it. And If I get anything or nothing from her, it will probably hurt either way, but I am prepared, and its not going to be a big deal, unless she shows up christmas morning at my house crying her eyes out.... She dumped me, so therefore it's in her hands, and mine are clean. Link to post Share on other sites
Nick14 Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 have you two been in communication? If so, is she always making the attempt first to contact you? If not, I wouldn't bother with it, it just get worse and she just wants to move on. its been 3 months since my breakup for 2.5 years, I am the dumpee, I have tried on many occasions to keep the contact, but she has never once attempted first or even reply. I have since stopped since the 2 week of october and what not. I am don't expect myself to send her a card, its in her cards really, I am done with playing games. Link to post Share on other sites
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