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How to accept that..


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I like to think that I am making progress since my ex left me over a month ago. I've done the NC, blocking her, etc.

 

One thing just continues to eat away at me though, and it's the fact that she will have sex with another guy. We were each others first, and said we wanted to be each others last. Obviously that isn't going to happen though. It just kills me to think that this new guy will have sex with her.

 

How have you accepted this fact about your ex? If you have been able to accept it.

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What you two "said" while you were together is now voided. Nothing she said is of merit. I won't say it was a lie,but it/they were words spoken in the relationship. It no longer exists and neither do the words.

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As for the how to accept it part: You just do. There are things in all facets of life that we have zero control over(illness,death,ect..). Other people and their decisions are a big one. So, don't waste your energy trying to accept what you can't control. It just is. ;)

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I agree with PrayingforDaylight. Acceptance is just what you have to do, and it happens over time. You don't just wake up one day and reach acceptance. I think everyone has something different they struggle to accept. I've never been particularly bothered by the idea that any of my exes will have sex with other people, but that might have to do with me being a woman. I think you might also be having a difficult time since you were both virgins before dating each other. I also don't think you need to dwell on the idea of her having sex with someone else. I realize that it's impossible not to think of it at all, but, once the thought comes up, push it away. You need to become skilled at doing that, and it's actually helpful with many other things you will encounter in life.

 

Something that a lot of people are reticent to accept is that people can say or promise something, and maybe they mean it in the moment, but that doesn't necessarily mean that the same thing is valid in one year, 5 years, 10 years. People can easily overestimate their capacity to follow through with something, and we've all been guilty of that. No one wants to accept that reality, but the fact is that people change over time, and their needs become different over time. If you can work towards accepting that fact, you will be way ahead of most people.

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I struggled with this thought too and then i did something that helped push those thoughts away. This is what I did, try meditating and do this:

 

1) Self-Awareness: Tell yourself that this event is not happening at this particular moment. Or you can just tell yourself it's not happening period! The point is to convince yourself that your fears aren't happening at the moment you imagine them.

 

2) Mindfulness: Just clear your mind and focus on your body and the colors around you (eyes closed though). Imagine the colors of the icons on your phone, imagine the colors in your room, focus on how your body feels (are you bloated, tense, itchy etc.). Just focus on yourself , picture a blue aura around you giving you the energy to persevere through these thoughts.

 

3) Focus: After you feel relaxed and your anxiety has died down a little, just focus on something you love to do. Whether it be playing an instrument, playing a sport, playing with your children. Whatever you think of, just focus on something that makes you feel good and makes you smile.

 

This should help bring you back to a state of peace.

 

Takes a little practice, but try it!

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