Avante91 Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Hello forum. I feel ready to move on but I'm struggling with intimacy. I get female attention and I've even been on a few dates but when it comes to; hugging, kissing or anything more I totally freeze! I had a girl come over we ended up in bed watching Netflix and it felt so awkward that I acted tired so she would leave she finally took the hint after 5 hours... Why can't I be intimate? I've let go of all hope of any reconciliation I honestly do not wish to see or speak to my ex again - I've grown I deserve better I want better. I'm 4 months out of a 3 year relationship, I went NC then reached out, she told me she was dating so that sealed it for me. Nail in the coffin. Does anyone think I'm trying to force myself to move on? The longer I go without intimacy the more I feel nervous about it. Any advice is greatly received Kind Regards Avante X Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Perhaps you're just not ready. 4 months is still pretty early. Go easy on yourself. Also, I think you're working yourself up, convincing yourself you're somewhat broken. My advice is take a break from dating/dates/girls. Make a list of fun new things, ideas, adventures you have been wanting to do. Start ticking them off. This will help.you build confidence, self esteem, self awareness, whilst bringing you happiness, joy and good times. You know what??.. Make plans and go to a music festival. They're buckets of fun. Round up a crew. You will know when you feel ready for some tonsil hockey. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Avante91 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 Perhaps you're just not ready. 4 months is still pretty early. Go easy on yourself. Also, I think you're working yourself up, convincing yourself you're somewhat broken. My advice is take a break from dating/dates/girls. Make a list of fun new things, ideas, adventures you have been wanting to do. Start ticking them off. This will help.you build confidence, self esteem, self awareness, whilst bringing you happiness, joy and good times. You know what??.. Make plans and go to a music festival. They're buckets of fun. Round up a crew. You will know when you feel ready for some tonsil hockey. Thank you Poppy, I feel like by 4 months I should be dating, but perhaps I've forced myself too soon and I'm not ready. This sounds strange but I've lost attraction for women - I think you are right I need time away from dating just to focus on building up my confidence. I've got a great job but not many friends, they all work abroad. My closest friends are two females, but they only ever see the "happy" side of me I don't feel comfortable confiding in them so I come here instead It's my birthday on Easter Sunday I think I will buy myself a new motorbike, take 2 weeks off work and just hit the road Thank you for your reply Kind Regards Avante X Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 You may not have fully grieved the loss of your relationship. 4 months isn't that long. You can't force this. If it feels awkward, stop & take a break. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Avante91 Posted March 10, 2015 Author Share Posted March 10, 2015 You may not have fully grieved the loss of your relationship. 4 months isn't that long. You can't force this. If it feels awkward, stop & take a break. I think you are right I've accepted it's over but I'm still grieving a loss. I don't feel fully myself yet, a break is definitely needed. I feel a million times better than I did 4 month ago - but maybe I still have a little bit to go.... Thanks for your advice Kind Regards Avante X Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted March 10, 2015 Share Posted March 10, 2015 Yay, moterbike!!! Those things are a joy. I have a zipper of a scooter, I love riding around on it. Especially warmer months. Check your area or Facebook for moterbike meet ups, I'm in Vancouver. They have too many here, I can't keep up! Even island hopping! You will have a blast. Maybe book or organise a flight to see your buds, or a big group holiday. Even if its a year from now. I understand you. I have many friends, really great ones, but yes, they only usually see an upbeat positive me, when I split with my ex, I found myself reapeating the same oul ding dong of hurt, anger & sadness. So, I took myself away and did things that made me smile. Booked a flight home (UK) and made an achievable bucket list. Joined scooter groups. I felt refreshed. I started going on dates (not fully into it) at the 6 month mark. Its only now, 1.5 years on, I feel ready for new love. Hey, do me a favour watch the documentary The Long Way Down and The Long Way Round. Your two female friends, I'm sure would be there if you needed comfort. Here is a great place!!! Read other posts and advice given. Wise words spoken here!!! Best wishes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
2GunKate Posted March 13, 2015 Share Posted March 13, 2015 I have been separated 10 months and my divorce is nearly finalized after 18 years together. Someone told me once that it takes 1 month for every year you are together to heal........I figure that's about 18 months for me. So I am not in a hurry to date or become intimate with anyone, still trying to fall out of love with the love of my life. I am trying to go with the flow and do things I enjoy and not rush a new relationship or intimacy. I am hopeful it will happen when the time is right and I am hoping the same for you. Hang in there:) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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