Mad at myself, I broke NC.

[grabaka]

I had to break no contact with my stbx wife today, I made it 30 days with no contact. My back story is my stbx cheated on me with a married man, and when that mad dumped her she tried running back to me in which I told her I was done and led to our divorce. Anyways I had to contact her in regards to holding her accountable on somethings we agreed upon in our settlement agreement that she was not doing.

 

It sucks so bad I had to call her. When I called she picked up instantly and sounded super surprised...see she told me right before I moved out she wasnt ok with never hearing from me or seeing me again. She hoped one day we could be friends, or potentially work on us and date (Stupid I know). Well too bad! So I know she thought I was calling her to say I missed her or that I was checking up on her. She probably thinks or hopes Im sitting around pining for her. But I said what I had to say in which she didnt like it, and ultimately she hung up on me. I just hope I didnt feed her ego anything like that.

 

Im trying to move on and forget her, but its hard. Even though she lied and cheated on me...I still love her. Im going back to no contact again, Im just going to get a lawyer to handle the issues. Any advice for me or motivation would be great. I appreciate everyone on this site. My biggest fear is that I fed her ego, or gave her a sense of control or power over me by calling her. I sure hope not!

[Purepony]

Don't beat yourself up over boost her even if you did or you didn't it really doesn't matter.

Because if she gets an ego boost show feel bad about it a few hours later so don't let it get to you as long as you're happy and you're working on yourself and moving on that's really all that matters just make sure that's what you want.

 

Sometimes a reconciliation will help but that is up to you since you mention that she wants to work things out

 

I think you did well you didn't tell you Mr you didn't get all soft about things I think you did good

[KBarletta]

I had to break no contact with my stbx wife today, I made it 30 days with no contact. My back story is my stbx cheated on me with a married man, and when that mad dumped her she tried running back to me in which I told her I was done and led to our divorce. Anyways I had to contact her in regards to holding her accountable on somethings we agreed upon in our settlement agreement that she was not doing.

 

It sucks so bad I had to call her. When I called she picked up instantly and sounded super surprised...see she told me right before I moved out she wasnt ok with never hearing from me or seeing me again. She hoped one day we could be friends, or potentially work on us and date (Stupid I know). Well too bad! So I know she thought I was calling her to say I missed her or that I was checking up on her. She probably thinks or hopes Im sitting around pining for her. But I said what I had to say in which she didnt like it, and ultimately she hung up on me. I just hope I didnt feed her ego anything like that.

 

Im trying to move on and forget her, but its hard. Even though she lied and cheated on me...I still love her. Im going back to no contact again, Im just going to get a lawyer to handle the issues. Any advice for me or motivation would be great. I appreciate everyone on this site. My biggest fear is that I fed her ego, or gave her a sense of control or power over me by calling her. I sure hope not!

 

This was necessary contact to get important information across. As long as you stuck to only that essential information, then in my book, that doesn't really count as "breaking NC." If that's the case, I break NC every other day by exchanging texts and e-mails with my wife about our daughter.

 

That said, if you can have your lawyer initiate the contact on these issues in the future, it will be better for you and likely more effective.

 

I have my doubts as to whether this conversation did anything to boost her ego. You were basically calling to tell her she screwed up, no? And she hung up on you? I doubt that did much to feed her ego.

 

Don't be mad at yourself - as long as you stuck to the essentials of what needed to be communicated and didn't waver, then you did good.

[grabaka]

Don't beat yourself up over boost her even if you did or you didn't it really doesn't matter.

Because if she gets an ego boost show feel bad about it a few hours later so don't let it get to you as long as you're happy and you're working on yourself and moving on that's really all that matters just make sure that's what you want.

 

Sometimes a reconciliation will help but that is up to you since you mention that she wants to work things out

 

I think you did well you didn't tell you Mr you didn't get all soft about things I think you did good

 

Reconciliation is not an option. I cant get over the fact she cheated and slept with another man while married to me. Plus the only reason she came back and offered to potentially work on our marriage is because he dumped her and went back to his wife. If he wouldnt have dumped her, I would have never of heard from her nor would have see made an offer to potentially work on us.

[Ruby65]

No kids = no reason for contact.

 

You've been posting about her a lot and I have a hard time believing you HAD to initiate this contact yourself.

[grabaka]

No kids = no reason for contact.

 

You've been posting about her a lot and I have a hard time believing you HAD to initiate this contact yourself.

 

No, frankly I did have to contact her. She took all of our income tax refund and spent it when it was supposed to be split 50/50 if you have to know. So therefore I had to contact her, and get her to admit it while voice recording the conversation so I can use it in court for contempt purposes.

 

And yeah I have been posting about her a lot....why? Because Im trying to stay strong and get over her...and sometimes venting helps. Thanks for your tidbit

[KBarletta]

Bottom line is that if one phone conversation with her has you asking these questions, then you need to stick to NC. Have your lawyer initiate these kinds of conversations in the future so you don't have to. If reconciliation is not an option as you say, then block/delete/ignore and don't look back.

[KBarletta]

No, frankly I did have to contact her. She took all of our income tax refund and spent it when it was supposed to be split 50/50 if you have to know. So therefore I had to contact her, and get her to admit it while voice recording the conversation so I can use it in court for contempt purposes.

 

And yeah I have been posting about her a lot....why? Because Im trying to stay strong and get over her...and sometimes venting helps. Thanks for your tidbit

 

Sorry - I posted before I saw this. Yes, I can understand the need to call, because if that is the case she needed to be called out on it. Still, my point remains: Lawyer up so that he/she can handle these calls in the future. That way there is no "relationship" drama attached to them, it's just business.

[coryreply]

Sorry - I posted before I saw this. Yes, I can understand the need to call, because if that is the case she needed to be called out on it. Still, my point remains: Lawyer up so that he/she can handle these calls in the future. That way there is no "relationship" drama attached to them, it's just business.

 

Exactly.

 

Sorry you're having to go through all of this, bro. Are you seeing a counselor to help you process through all of the emotion involved?

[grabaka]

Exactly.

 

Sorry you're having to go through all of this, bro. Are you seeing a counselor to help you process through all of the emotion involved?

 

No Im not doing counseling, Im kinda just winging it. Been taking a lot of emotions out at the gym. Its getting better, but I'll never forget the betrayal and the fact she threw everything we had away for some putz that used her and dumped her within 2 months...and ultimately killed us.