Moving on, forgetting, turn off my mind

[grabaka]

Im trying to move on. The crying has subsided more so now but it happens occasionally, I just wish I could stop thinking about my soon to be ex wife. She left me in November for a married man, who ultimately used her and dumped her 2 months later. Yes my stbx tried to come back to me after that but I declined. I now live in an apartment I hate, its a reminder I left my home due to the divorce and because of her choices. I literally think about her and what she is up to all day long. We were together 6 years.Yes I know people divorce after being together longer than that, but I truly dont know how to move on. Im guilty of looking at her facebook, and she seems like she is so happy and lifes great....could be a front she's putting on, but ultimately she screwed me over and broke my heart and it hurts to see she is happy. Does anyone have advice for me? I am trying so hard to just realize its over, she lied and cheated, and divorced me. But I still love her although I shouldnt. Im just lost and I know Im getting depressed. I deactivated my facebook, and plan to just fall off the radar and disappear. I just want to be healed and be over her. And on or if the day comes and she makes contact because it is known that exes always do, I will be over her and tell her to get lost.

Edited March 8, 2015 by grabaka

[Ruby65]

Good for you for disabling your Facebook! Make sure she's also blocked on any other sites or apps you use.

 

When you've had more time without her, you'll come to realize how terribly she's treated you and that you deserve MUCH MUCH better!

 

Keep moving forward. Your future is bright!

 

[Light Breeze]

What you're feeling is akin to a withdrawal to drug addiction (same chemicals working in your brain). Just, ride it out and don't feed your addiction with added stimuli, in this regard, you deactivating fakebook is a great step. In addition to that, you might want to block her in everything and just cut all lines of communication. Also box up all things that remind you of her and stack somewhere and forget about it.

[grabaka]

Good for you for disabling your Facebook! Make sure she's also blocked on any other sites or apps you use.

 

When you've had more time without her, you'll come to realize how terribly she's treated you and that you deserve MUCH MUCH better!

 

Keep moving forward. Your future is bright!

 

 

As far a social media goes that is it. It will be 1 month no contact on Mar. 14th. Granted she does know where I am living but I do not know if she will ever show up at my doorstep. This is so hard. Just knowing she cheated and took everything we were and threw it away kills me, especially since after the guy got sex out of her he dumped her. I cannot ever talk to her again, and its literally like the girl I knew and loved died. Like Im mourning a death. Out of blue it hits me sometimes like wow this really happened, 6 years is now lost. Im afraid it is going to mentally affect me for the rest of my life. It's been so hard since the day she left. I do not understand how someone can do this to someone else, especially after making the commitment of marriage. I could ramble on and on, does no good. I just want my mind to shut off. I still think about the good and special times then it hits me what has happened. I hate this.

[devilish innocent]

You need to be patient with yourself. Four months isn't that long of a period to get over somebody that you've been with for six years. Especially when somebody just leaves you out of the blue to be with somebody else like she did to you. You'll get there. You just need to hang in there and ride it out.

 

The best you can do in the meantime is focus on taking care of your physical and mental health. Try to stay on a good sleep schedule. Get regular exercise. Spend time with friends and family. Try to find hobbies you can enjoy. Know that someday you will find somebody better. Things will improve with time.

[Satu]

It's not long after the shocking events, so it's no surprise that you're still feeling a lot of pain. That pain will lessen over time, but you're still in the thick of it.

 

Here are a few tips that I put into action to help myself:

 

 

1. Recognise that you're still in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce.

 

2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps.

 

3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right.

 

4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person.

 

5. Tell yourself frequently that you can and will love again.

 

6. Take care of your body:

 

Eat enough and eat healthily.

Drink enough water. Thats 2 litres for a male.

Get a bit more rest than you think you need.

Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous.

If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor.

 

7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn.

 

8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media.

 

9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do.

 

10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate.

 

11. Post here as often as you want to. People here want to help.

[grabaka]

You need to be patient with yourself. Four months isn't that long of a period to get over somebody that you've been with for six years. Especially when somebody just leaves you out of the blue to be with somebody else like she did to you. You'll get there. You just need to hang in there and ride it out.

 

The best you can do in the meantime is focus on taking care of your physical and mental health. Try to stay on a good sleep schedule. Get regular exercise. Spend time with friends and family. Try to find hobbies you can enjoy. Know that someday you will find somebody better. Things will improve with time.

 

All of your advice is spot on and I know thats what I need to be doing. Life is so different now. I live in an area where my family is not near me, all my friends are married and have their own busy lives. Its the first time I have ever lived on my own as well. Just a day at a time is all I can do. I hit the gym, and frankly avoid going to my apartment. Its lonely and it makes me feel like I am here because of her choices...and ultimately I am. I just want to thrive to beat her in life...be successful, find true happiness..so that one day she looks at her life as a failure. Yes I sound bitter but I think I have that right to be. I dont know. I appreciate everyones advice. Loveshack and the helpful members here have helped me more than I can explain.

[grabaka]

No matter what facade she is putting up, she is hurting worse than you.

 

Dumped by the other guy! What a shock.

 

It sounds like it's too soon, but maybe in a month try to go out with a nice woman for coffee, nothing heavy.

 

Yeah but that kind of hurts me more you know. Its like she is grieving the fact he dumped her, and could careless about me...the person she was with 6 years. As for your comment of a facade, I think your may be right. Her facebook posts were over the top, like hey facebook peeps Im doing this, I went here, Im going there. My friend told me after I deactivated my account she took those posts off her facebook. So I am presuming they were meant for me to see and perceive she is soooo happy.

[AaronSG]

after I deactivated my account she took those posts off her facebook. So I am presuming they were meant for me to see and perceive she is soooo happy.

 

Bingo!

 

Congratulations, it took me a lot longer than you to figure this all out! I had wondered for a long while why people in both my 12 step Codependency group and my local breakup support group were calling Facebook "Fakebook"! It took me a couple months after my breakup to realize that Facebook wasn't helping me anymore, there was no longer any fun to be had by it, plus on top of my temptations to always look at my ex-fiancé's page, all of it was hindering me, not helping. So in the long run I just went ahead and deleted my account! It's now been little over 5 months since I left Facebook, to tell you the truth I feel better for it.

 

Like you a common friend of ours told me that within days of deleting my account a lot of stuff came off her page! All the gleaming "I'm so happy" crap was removed. Now I'm being told that her posts mostly deal with the hardships of her life. Some posts even go as far as regret for some her life's choices. We're thinking leaving me is one of those choices she's had a hard time with.

 

But good for you! Keep it up................sometimes the "not knowing" can make all the difference!

[grabaka]

Bingo!

 

Congratulations, it took me a lot longer than you to figure this all out! I had wondered for a long while why people in both my 12 step Codependency group and my local breakup support group were calling Facebook "Fakebook"! It took me a couple months after my breakup to realize that Facebook wasn't helping me anymore, there was no longer any fun to be had by it, plus on top of my temptations to always look at my ex-fiancé's page, all of it was hindering me, not helping. So in the long run I just went ahead and deleted my account! It's now been little over 5 months since I left Facebook, to tell you the truth I feel better for it.

 

Like you a common friend of ours told me that within days of deleting my account a lot of stuff came off her page! All the gleaming "I'm so happy" crap was removed. Now I'm being told that her posts mostly deal with the hardships of her life. Some posts even go as far as regret for some her life's choices. We're thinking leaving me is one of those choices she's had a hard time with.

 

But good for you! Keep it up................sometimes the "not knowing" can make all the difference!

 

Yeah it was too coincidental that as soon as I deactivated my facebook her public posts disappeared, and now the posts are few and far in between rather than one every few hours showing what she is up to and who she is hanging with. Its all just mind games. She wants me setting around stewing and pining for her, she doesnt want me moving on. Its her fault she chose to cheat and lie.