who here can understand my Exs behaviour?

[heartbroken1357]

Hi all, I'll try keep this short

 

me and my ex who were together for 2 years, but hadn't spoke for the last 2 and a half,

have recently again, I bumped into her on a night out, and suprisingly it wasn't

all that awkward and she was civil, we drunk and spoke for hours, she said it was nice to see me and wished me well, afterall although our breakup was a bit messy and emotional, we just grew apart neither cheated and it happend quite out of the blue.

 

anyway, the next day I messaged her saying it was surreal but good to see her and that it'd be nice to catchup, about a week later she replied and apologised for taking so long to do so,

the situation had messed with her head she said she didn't know how she felt, and that feelings are strange things?!

 

Since then in the last month, she's been over for dinner, been to one of my parties and stayed, and spent a couple of weekends over just watching TV and whatnot.

 

I bit the bullet and asked her out for valentines day and she didn't know what to say, she didn't say yes or no, but she wasn't difinitive either, since then I've seen her twice, she asked to come and get her stuff which was some cigars and she had some alcohol here.

once she got here she stayed and chatted for around 30 minutes, left the alcohol for another weekend and said I could keep the Cigars?

 

Can anyone read her behaviour for me? I must note that while she makes an effort to see m, it always seems that I have to message her first..

[Lion Heart]

If I were you I'd:

- do NC, she may call, she may not. No real loss.

- drink the alcohol. If she does come back, act surprised and say "didn't know you'd be back so I drank it"

- buy some chocolates for Valentine's. If she comes over give them to her. If not eat them.

- make alternative plans for V day. One V day many moons ago I had ended a LTR 4 yrs and another man was "interested". No invitation for anything from either was extended to me for that day SO a week before I planned a huge party for all my single girlfriends at my house! Big heart balloons everywhere! Heaps of drinking and lots of laughing about. . Yeah men. Excellent party.

And do you know what happened? BOTH men turned up to my house without an invite. One left promptly (prob expected I'd be a mess on the floor without him and got the shock of his life) the other one stayed. I married him 2 years after that.

 

You have to tell people like these what you expect with your actions and if it's not up to scratch when you're dating? Show them you're JUST FINE THANKYOU VERY MUCH without them. They either nick off or smarten up their game.

 

If you want her don't chase her.

 

What's her game? Who knows. People are weird. Not all but some. If you had communication issues before then this shows SSDD. Or Same Sh** Different YEAR in your case.

 

Act cool, chuck a party or "be out" having a lark all day and night. Don't you dare sit at home and wait for her to contact.

NC best thing. Rock on and have a blast!

 

Lion Heart.

[elaine567]

Hi all, I'll try keep this short

 

me and my ex who were together for 2 years, but hadn't spoke for the last 2 and a half,

have recently again, I bumped into her on a night out, and suprisingly it wasn't

all that awkward and she was civil, we drunk and spoke for hours, she said it was nice to see me and wished me well, afterall although our breakup was a bit messy and emotional, we just grew apart neither cheated and it happend quite out of the blue.

 

anyway, the next day I messaged her saying it was surreal but good to see her and that it'd be nice to catchup, about a week later she replied and apologised for taking so long to do so,

the situation had messed with her head she said she didn't know how she felt, and that feelings are strange things?!

 

Since then in the last month, she's been over for dinner, been to one of my parties and stayed, and spent a couple of weekends over just watching TV and whatnot.

 

I bit the bullet and asked her out for valentines day and she didn't know what to say, she didn't say yes or no, but she wasn't difinitive either, since then I've seen her twice, she asked to come and get her stuff which was some cigars and she had some alcohol here.

once she got here she stayed and chatted for around 30 minutes, left the alcohol for another weekend and said I could keep the Cigars?

 

Can anyone read her behaviour for me? I must note that while she makes an effort to see m, it always seems that I have to message her first..

 

Who actually initiated the break up?

Are you sleeping with her or are you just hanging out together?

[heartbroken1357]

Who actually initiated the break up?

Are you sleeping with her or are you just hanging out together?

 

she did, no we're just hanging out

[heartbroken1357]

If I were you I'd:

- do NC, she may call, she may not. No real loss.

- drink the alcohol. If she does come back, act surprised and say "didn't know you'd be back so I drank it"

- buy some chocolates for Valentine's. If she comes over give them to her. If not eat them.

- make alternative plans for V day. One V day many moons ago I had ended a LTR 4 yrs and another man was "interested". No invitation for anything from either was extended to me for that day SO a week before I planned a huge party for all my single girlfriends at my house! Big heart balloons everywhere! Heaps of drinking and lots of laughing about. . Yeah men. Excellent party.

And do you know what happened? BOTH men turned up to my house without an invite. One left promptly (prob expected I'd be a mess on the floor without him and got the shock of his life) the other one stayed. I married him 2 years after that.

 

You have to tell people like these what you expect with your actions and if it's not up to scratch when you're dating? Show them you're JUST FINE THANKYOU VERY MUCH without them. They either nick off or smarten up their game.

 

If you want her don't chase her.

 

What's her game? Who knows. People are weird. Not all but some. If you had communication issues before then this shows SSDD. Or Same Sh** Different YEAR in your case.

 

Act cool, chuck a party or "be out" having a lark all day and night. Don't you dare sit at home and wait for her to contact.

NC best thing. Rock on and have a blast!

 

Lion Heart.

 

Some sound advice there, especially the part about the chocolate, thanks! We didn't really have communication issues I think she just got gigs

[elaine567]

Ok so she is the dumper and she will see nothing wrong in now being friendly with her ex.

She will actually feel good about it, any guilt she felt about being responsible for your heartbreak will disappear.

Any niggles she may have felt re you as a bf will disappear too, as you are now just friends.

Even as the dumper she will have felt some loss, but being friends is perfect, all of the company and none of the complications.

Trouble is those who were dumped rarely want to just remain friends, they cannot do it, it is too hard.

 

Had she truly wanted you back, she would have jumped at the chance of seeing you on Valentines, but I guess she is happy to have you in her life, but not as a partner.

She may have other plans for Valentines, you have to consider that.

[kenmore]

Ok so she is the dumper and she will see nothing wrong in now being friendly with her ex.

She will actually feel good about it, any guilt she felt about being responsible for your heartbreak will disappear.

Any niggles she may have felt re you as a bf will disappear too, as you are now just friends.

Even as the dumper she will have felt some loss, but being friends is perfect, all of the company and none of the complications.

Trouble is those who were dumped rarely want to just remain friends, they cannot do it, it is too hard.

 

Had she truly wanted you back, she would have jumped at the chance of seeing you on Valentines, but I guess she is happy to have you in her life, but not as a partner.

She may have other plans for Valentines, you have to consider that.

 

Ouch!! but sadly probably true. You are now the "old friend" with no real possibility of anything real anymore.

 

Ask her. Say "I want to try again. I'd like to take you out to dinner and talk about it". If she says no, there's your answer. If she says she just wants to be friends, there's your answer. If she says OK, let's talk, there's your answer (pretty much.) Just be prepared for the wrong answer.

 

I have been very concerned with the "friends" bullsh*t. I can see it coming. My wife stayed friends with every old boyfriend she ever had, except for one and he's still trying to steal her identity, so I guess that's one step too far for her.

 

I have told her that if our divorce goes through, we will not be together anymore. She says things like "call me in 5 years" or "call me when you are making my salary" and sh*t like that. I said no, once we're done, we're done. Her response was "don't say things you'll regret."

 

I have thought about that and I will regret even meeting her if we end up that way (though I will also take away many wonderful memories and feelings.) The more time that has passed, the more I feel I would not like to be dragged along and toyed with. Either she accepts me fully as her husband, or forget it!

 

In your case, it doesn't seem you were married, so there's not such a definite breaking point. you must decide what you want or can stand. If you want her back as a full-on girlfriend, then say so and if she won't, then f*ck her. If you are OK with being friends, then go ahead and be friends.

 

The NC thing now seems like sulking. It is not a firm stance and will really only drag the issue out forever. Take a stance!

 

Best of luck to you on this oddly "romantic" day coming up. I went out and bought cards for both her and my step-daughter for Valentines day and for our anniversary (on the 23rd.) I walked to the checkout with tears in my eyes because I read so many cards I would have loved to send normally but they didn't apply so put them back. You know, things like (I'm so happy being your husband), hello, we're f*cking divorcing!! I ended up with some lackluster BS like you made me so happy all of these years. It's still too much, but I decided I won't let it go.

 

Same with the anniversary card.

 

The only real positive upshot? After our anniversary, that's it until the divorce, and I don't think Hallmark makes a card for happy divorce. No more cards!!

 

Good luck with your relationship my friend, and I truly hope you can get what you would like out of it!! And her too, because if she doesn't, you won't either in the long run!

 

Ken