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Feeling lost and anxious about the future..


Demoralised_10

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Demoralised_10

I haven't posted on LS for sometime but always lurk from time to time to read others experiences.

Here's my story, I'm 6 month post BU and as much as my heart is still broken and I miss her everyday I thought I was doing well.

Immediately after the split I landed a new job, a new venture, starting wage was excellent and there was a real sense of excitement about the challenges ahead relating to it. I received a pay rise in the first month, I finally moved out of rented accommodation and found a reasonable house to buy, I got myself a dog for company, and in month 3 I got given a company car as a reward for all my hard work and effort in those months.

Took a trip to Berlin the week before Xmas to clear some of the cobwebs of the move, job etc

Xmas and New Year were a bit of a bind, thinking about the Ex and how nice it would have felt to be together over the holidays.

Then came the bombshell - last week out of nowhere I get made redundant, company not doing as well as first forecast, cut backs need to be made in your department.. It hit me like a freight train but it came tinged with a mixture of relief, my gut had been telling me for the last few weeks that something wasnt quite right and the anxieties started to resurface.

Directly after I threw myself into decorating my place, getting it how I wanted it. Then this week whilst applying for jobs I've had little to occupy myself. I've been NC for 5 of the 6 months, no calls, text, social media nothing.. Then yesterday I started to think about her, what we had together and all my insecurities have risen to the surface. No job, a mortgage to pay, no beautiful girl in my life, my hair loss and how I'm unattractive , got no confidence and low self esteem.. The future seems bleak, I'm 36 and just for once I wish that life would deal me a break - instead of offering me up little glimmers of hope and happiness only to snatch it away and tumble me back into the abyss again. I honestly feel like I'm at day 1 of the break up, not eating, fitful nights sleep and missing her more than ever.

Sorry for the long story, felt I needed to vent! Any advice would be welcome as I know you good people at LS have been helpful to me in the past.

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All perfectly natural mate, currently you have too much time on your hands to dwell and ruminate, I work from home and run a nice little business that provides a decent income, at the moment your latest loss is just another of lifes curve balls and you are struggling to cope with it, my advice to you is simple and is something I am trying to heed myself, so here goes, don't be too hard on yourself none of this is your fault, take each day at a time, don't try to project too far in to the future because none of us can see in to the future and if you try then it will overwhelm you and drive you potty, you sound to me like a switched on sort of bloke and I think you will find work soon enough and when that happens you will have something to occupy you again, you will get your pride back, and with work comes opportunities for social intercourse in which case you will meet new people, maybe one of those new people will be the love of your life, right today is Friday and you deserve to enjoy it and the weekend, so why not go out for a pint and a nice bit of lunch or go out tonight with friends for a few beers and a curry, or failing that order yourself a nice takeaway for your tea ?, either way take care be gentl and kind to yourself and stop piling pressure on yourself, you have enough to cope with at the moment without making life even harder for yourself.

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Re-read the first bit, all that stuff you did initially is great, give yourself a pat on the back. It sucks that you got made redundant but judging by what you said at the start, you seem more than capable of landing another job, especially since your old company was so impressed by you.

 

You're thinking about your ex more because you're at a low point, plus not having a job anymore means a lot of free time which results in your mind wandering.

 

36 isn't old either, you still have plenty of time. Try not to focus on the negatives and look at the positive aspects of yourself. We all have flaws but you won't get anywhere unless you're confident. I understand that it is probably hard to feel confident having just lost your job but if you feel you've hit rock bottom, remember that it can only get better now.

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Your unexpected job loss turned your world upside down. You have time on your hands to examine everything & human nature we go to the negative.

 

When you find yourself dwelling on her, refocus on your job search or take the dog for a walk

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