mj108 Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 My ex & I have been split up since September 22. We were together for awhile & I've been having NC with him since then. His friends are my friends & it's been hard for me to cope because he's always asking about me. Just wondering if anybody has a story to share out there about the No contact rule & how long it took you to get your ex back if you stayed in NC? Or if you have an ex out there that doesn't give a ***** about you...how long did it take you to get over them? Link to post Share on other sites
Nick14 Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 Well in my experience, I had 2 ex's in the past before my most recent one. Its funny, I didn't have any deep feelings for my past 2 ex's, but like months later they would call back and what not. Usually I would shut the door on them because, nothing was there and thats that. Now my current ex, I loved her deeply, wanted to be with her. I was her first love, etc.. she dumps me and I bugged for the month of september on and off(not the wise thing to do, but thats what happens when your crying emotions get the best of you). This led to pushing me away and probably resentment on her part and also since she's already seeing someone else a month after the breakup. Now its the 1st week of november, its been 2 months and a week since the breakup. 4 weeks of NC. Took my personal site down last week. So basically everything to know about what i am doing is not existable now. Do I think she will realize she will mess up now? No, because obviously she's happy and not contacting me. Since Day 1, she has never initiated contact first and never return my phone calls or reply to my emails. Ya, pretty sad after a great 2.5 year relationship. I have no urge to contact her since the 2nd week of october. More or less, because, she's not intrested, she doesn't care and probably because I bugged like hell in september. Maybe she does need to go thru this and realize how it feels what I went thru. Would I take her back? Thats something I am not thinking about right now, I am not saying yes and I am not saying no. Its just better to put it to rest and not stress out about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mj108 Posted November 3, 2004 Author Share Posted November 3, 2004 I feel the same way Nick14. Don't stress out about it. Go with the flow but don't wait on anyone. 4 weeks for you...of NC. Wow! I know it's hard but eventually we'll get use to it. ha It has been hard for me. I love him STILL but he doesn't feel the same & I have accept it. I'm trying to move on. The NC is hard because I saw his car around the corner from my house today. That's when it gets hard for me. I need to move! lol I do think that what our exes go through they are going to realize the good people they had. Then they will want us back...& it's according on what we want to do afterwards. It's been hard with the NC...I wanted to call him today because seeing his car but I didn't. He's living his life now without me....it's about time I live my life without him, don't you think? Link to post Share on other sites
seductress989 Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 I agree, MJ108. If you ex is living his life without you, then you should start living it without him! That is a great way of promoting NC! I am also promoting it on my most recent thread. Anyways, I don't think my ex gives a "***" about me and I've been doing NC for over a month now. Although I've been weak at times, I feel much better now! I am not completely over him: our relationship lasted 1.5 years and I ended things. It really depends on how strong your feelings were for him on how long it will take to get over him. I've heard an average to get over an ex is around 4 months. NC will definitely speed it up in my opinion. I'm in a situation very similiar to yours. I pass his apartment all the time, but I never stop. I figure that if wanted to see me, that HE would contact me. Tell me more about your relationship with him like how long did it last and who ended it.....Maybe I could give you more helpful advice with that information. Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 tooo funny .........i am in a similar situation and it has been about 30-40 days of NC.............. ex called my best friend about 5 days ago about a stupid computer we shared ....no point to call except for finding out about me.... i just wish my friend told the whole truth: i am doing great and have dated 1 girl who was very fun and a hottie.... and i have a first date with another great looking and very compatible young lady when i come back from Haiti! The other girl and i still talk, but she moved to Georgia for her job (i knew that going in) and she is hinting that i should go visit and that there are some really good med schools to transfer to down there! Wow..i only have been talking with her around 1 month or a little longer but i made sure to make her feel special each time i see her so she feels like a million dollars when she is with me.... i cant say that when i cooked elaborate meals and brought her flowers for my ex she ever really appreciated it, well at least not as much as this girl did....anyhow i want to stay in touch with her bc i am extremely attracted to her and her personality too... she helped me forget about my ex after the first two weeks......those first two weeks were weird but after that i just treated her like a new person and not so much like i would my ex....IT WORKED ! I can finally see that i was the catch in the relationship and all that i have going in my life is very very lucky and fro mthe grace of god! praise be to him in my case-----dont take this off administrator! Last time i mentioned God it was taken off... I can finally wish my ex happiness and hope she finds herself and becomes happy and lives a prosperous life... dont know how much i will be posting on here since i dont have much feelings (at this time, we all know there are ups and downs- i am up up up now----just test drove a lincoln LS black on black leather with all the extras!!!!!!!!!!!! getting loan info b4 i leave for haiti at 6pm! stay up while i am gone! and no contact..........they dont deserve our time! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mj108 Posted November 3, 2004 Author Share Posted November 3, 2004 Thanks for you input seductress989. Please share your situation on here...so maybe I can help you also. My situation is I was with him for 2.5 years. He has 2 kids that I was close to also. He decided to go back to her...the mom of his kids. I've accepted this. I mean, it is for the best....I keep telling myself. The thing that *****s me up is I got close to him & his kids. That's what hurts deeply. See, while he was with me...the mom of his kids had a boyfriend for awhile. She lost the boyfriend & decided to call my ex back. He didn't go back to her for the longest but then he finally went back to her. I got the call on Sept. 22...he was going back to her. I agree--NC will speed it up. It's a hard thing to do but it will speed up the healing process. We do get weak...but we have to keep that stubborness inside us to keep us going. I know I'm stubborn. ha Exactly I agree---If they want to contact us...they will. I feel the same way. I'm now wondering if I want him to even contact me at all, you know? Do I want the hurt & pain he put me through? Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 what happened? if u r not over him..........why NC when U dropped him? what gives? he cheat? if so i hate him! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mj108 Posted November 3, 2004 Author Share Posted November 3, 2004 H/H--I know the feeling--my ex has been calling my friends & asking about me. He asks "How is she? Is she going out with someone?" I'm going to move on too. I will be honest with the guy that I date. If my heart is with my ex still then I will tell him. I don't even think it's with my ex anymore. My heart does have to heal but I will not mope around wondering what should had been. I'm tired of that...I'm through with that. If I keep on moping around---I may miss an opportunity with a good guy. Good to hear you dated a hottie. Have fun in Haiti! Also, I wanted to tell you that your words have been uplifting to me. Know that & I know your words have got to others beside me. Always look up---he's always there. Any girl would be lucky to have a man cook her a meal & bring her flowers. If your ex didn't appreciate this I don't know what's wrong with her. Take care! Have fun on your trip! MJ Link to post Share on other sites
Nick14 Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 Thats funny that I too did the same thing for my ex in the last month of our relationship. I took her to the zoo, took care of her while she was sick with strep throat and gave her flowers. Cook her a suprise candlelit hawaiian dinner and some margaritas. Took her out on our 2.5 year aniversary night in August, that included a romantic outdoor Italian restaurant and caught a movie. I left happy notes in her truc 3x's a week in the early morning in her truck. Also, I would go out of my way on my lunch break and get her a surprise lunch and drop it off at her lifeguard tower. See, what I don't get was she was soo happy about all these things or maybe she was just faking it. But knowing her, I can tell it was true happiness or maybe I feel like the most stupidest idiot about the whole thing. We were always together every night, mostly her house. Things were fine. Maybe she did play me, but she's not that type, then again she hangs out with these new people and its just confusing and really disappointing. Obviously she's happy now, is seeing someone a month after the break up and not contacting me even once since the breakup. Here I am, just buying my time and not rushing into anything or meeting anyone, I think its not fair for the other person to be around a rebound deal, guess thats because I am much mature and grown up 23 year old. Link to post Share on other sites
Urban Rubble01 Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 Well, I'm sure there's no set time that NC takes, and I'm sure it only works some of the time. From what I understand, NC is about healing yourself, not getting the other person to come back. If your partner still loves you then there is a good chance they will come back to you. If they don't love you no amount of NC is going to bring them back. I think NC is only really useful is some cases. I think that it should, for the most part, be used if your partner is telling you they don't want to be with you anymore or that they don't love you. If you are on good terms with your ex or you just strongly feel that it would be best (best in your head, NOT your heart) to talk to them, call them up, screw the No Contact. It isn't the word of God. But if you guys are on not so good terms or they are telling you specifically not to call them, then leave them alone, it's all you can do. I'm trying to do a kind of moderate NC. We're "on a break". There was no real change in our relationship, she says she still loves me and we're on great terms. So what I'm doing is going on limited contact. I don't call very often, but I do every now and then. When I call it's just small talk unless she brings something more serious up. I don't persue her, I don't ask her hard questions and I always get off the phone first. I can definitely tell that it's serving it's purpose, it's making her miss me. The thing is, I'm not trying to use this as a way to get her back, and I don't think anyone else should. I'm simply giving her as much space as I can because I love her and she asked for it. Basically, I know that we want each other in our lives but I also know that we aren't together, so I try to determine if she really does want to speak to me and if I know I'm not intruding I'll give her a quick call. Only you know your situation. Listen to other people's advice, but don't take it for the word of God. Do what YOU think is best. But be honest with yourself, don't be calling her up when you miss her and lie to yourself by saying it's necessary for one reason or another. If she's being cold or seems uninterested, stop immediately. You DO NOT want to bother her/him. But if everything is cool you'll know it, and if it is, then don't drop off the face of the earth, because that makes them think you are over it or you don't care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mj108 Posted November 3, 2004 Author Share Posted November 3, 2004 Wow Nick14! I don't know what the heck is wrong with your ex. If I had a man treat me the way you treated her I'd be in heaven. I cooked my ex his favorite meal with candlelight. I bought him cards & gifts all the time. Left him cute voice messages. Everything! One thing is for sure....our exes will never forget us because the way we treated them. They won't find someone that has a heart of gold like us. It sucks I put all the effort into the relationship just to get dumped on. I agree with you about not rushing into anything. It's going to take me awhile to heal & get back out there. I have people wanting to hook me up but I'm scared, you know? Well, you take care of yourself. Talk to you soon. MJ Link to post Share on other sites
atlous Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 NC is awesome. I rarely think of him anymore and if I do it is not anger I am frickin thankful that I am not with him. I feel as though I can finally concentrate on me and do things for me and not worry why and if and wonder when the next time he is going to cheat on me? I feel good for the first time in months. I really do.Keep your head up guys I really miss all of you I have been so busy. Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 sound as if we have very good gameplans as to how to get our life going back in order and to the next level!!!! MJ, Nick, Atlous, UR, Seductress..... it seems we all were the givers in the relationship and we were with TAKERS!!!! We are what the opposite sex dreams of and if it is wrong that we love too much and give too much then i dont want to be right....just find someone that accepts us as ones who have hearts of gold and would do anything for our loved ones.... I realize i am like that with my family and friends too.....Well not romantic dinners that i have learned from the food network, but just doing whatever they need done whenever they need me.... We are blessed by the lord above and you are right MJ,... any girl would be crazy to part with you NICK...just let her go and if she does come back, then you will be able to decide...if she doesnt ......she will be thinking about how you treated her through all of her other rough relationships with meatheads and degenerates....no one will compare and she will deep down know it but her head will try to convice her otherwise because she doenst want to accept she made a mistake... MJ and Atlous....guys would also kill for a girl that raises their men up and admires them... Men want: acceptance, admiration, and adoration (white knight complex..) we need to feel competent and confident that our girls feel protected in our arms/prescence.........we finally need to be needed by our girl.... What do women want and ...??? have you all heard that woman are ERASERS, and men are REPLACERS???? i heard this is how most deal with break ups....is there any truth to the fact that once it is over the men try to replace ex with a new girl (i seem to be doing this- even if i know it and take things likely, i am still trying to hard i feel to find a good girl that will be leaps and bounds better than my ex...) do woman just erase it all and start new with the new bf if they did the dumping>>? hope not... i dont want to feel anymore forgotten then i already do! finally, someone told me today a way to not let her possible intimacy with the guy she left me for (this is if she comes back) by not asking about if it happended or not...just accept her as she is and dont ever mention it or ask...it shouldnt matter if it is going to work anyway...right? WHAT IS YOUR THOUGHTS ON THESE TOPICS ALL? SEE YOU ALL NEXT WEEK (nov 11) after my trip! Go out and have fun and meet with new people of both sexes! We are so much more relationship material than our exs and they can never take that from us! ps i will get some voodoo doctor to do some voodoo spell on our exes! to either want us back...or in atlous's case....to have him unexplainable have the urge to play in traffic!! love you all and will pray for you constantly Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 I wasn't in any real contact wiht my ex for almost 1.5 years and now we are talking again and occasionally hang out. She's funny because she sorta seems to be taking a mentality lately that I revovle my life around talking to her online or something and because she has been online the last few days and I havent really talked to her so she thinks I must be ignoring her or am mad at her when the reality is that I have just been busy doing other stuff and we haven't been at our computers at the same time to talk. Hilarious....but if I call her out on this and say she is easily showing signs of more interest than just a friend would she would start harping at me. Link to post Share on other sites
head/heels Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 an away message! or dont go online! do you think she wants back?............do you? why was there a first breakup? Link to post Share on other sites
Nick14 Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 Ya Wierd just leave a away message stating "I am out!". Thats all.. Link to post Share on other sites
Urban Rubble01 Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 Head/heels Where you going on vacation ? Anyway. I definitely gave alot to the relationship, but I don't feel like she was a "taker". Like I've mentioned, for most of our relationship she's been in college and I've been working. So, in alot of ways I was the "giver", I paid for our trips, dinners, spent more on her for holidays. I was also the one driving up to see her most of the time. But that wasn't her fault, she was in school and she really did make up for that in other ways. When I came up she did all she could for me and I have no problem with her in that respect. I can't hold it against her that she needed some time, even if she doesn't come back. I can't be bitter, though sometimes I think it'd make things easier, if I had something to hold against her. But I don't, she's been honest and that's all you can expect from another person, especially someone you love. I respect her for doing what she knew was right even though her heart didn't want her to. That's part of the problem as well, everything was fine and I really believe her that it was nothing I did, so there's nothing to "fix", I just have to leave it up to her to come back in her time. But I think she will. As far as "what do women want", that's not something you should even bother wondering about. People want different things, regardless of gender. I've met alot of women from mars and alot of men from venus, I'm sure you have to. Don't worry about what a specific gender wants, it comes down to the individual. I guess all we can do is worry about what we can give, the better we are the quicker we'll find what we want. Weird How do you know she feels like you're mad at her ? If she mentions something like that, just politely say that you're not mad, that really, you weren't thinking of her at all, you just weren't around. That's bound to get her wondering ! Anyway, I hope everyone's doing well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mj108 Posted November 4, 2004 Author Share Posted November 4, 2004 Urban Rubble01 is right. People want different things out of a relationship. I did adore my ex. I know deep within my heart...I gave him everything...love, honesty, loyalty...I could go on but apparently that wasn't enough. I can say...I can walk away with no guilt feelings because I was faithful to him & kissed the ground he walked on. That's why I know he'll always remember 'MJ.' Full of memories that he will never forget. At the beginning, he treated me great. There were always good times. He just wasn't honest at the end with me but he's the one that has to live with that & his decision to let me go. All I've ever want was for someone to love me, respect me, be honest with me, & not cheat on me! He changed at the end. Everyone goes through changes & stages as the years go by but he changed for the worse. Our last conversation, I even asked him "What happened to the man that respected the ones he love...what happened to the man I use to know?" Anyway, it's not just me he's ignoring. He's even isolated himself from his brother, mom, & dad. They are concerned about him. So, I don't know what's going on but I just know I have to heal...& that's what I'm doing. Time is a healer & I will get through this just like everyone else. Link to post Share on other sites
Weird Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 i do leave up an away message. that is what is funny about it. she i geuss thinks i sit there with my away message and see her message me and dont reply on purpose rather than i am just...AWAY. haha it is funny and it doesnt bother me or anything because again, I find it funny. Usually what happens is I pop on my IM proggy when I get home from work and am downstairs playing video games or some **** so I slap up an away message. She often will sign on when she gets home from work, message me something and then by the time I am back on my comp she has signed off for bed. Just recently she phoned me asking if something was wrong because I wasn't saying much lately. It's like duh, I havent been at my comp much lately so that is why havent said much. hehe Just is too funny. If you guys knew her you'd get a chuckle out of it too. Oh and I am way pastthe stage of doing the games and crap with her. Again we went almsot 1.5 years of not talking so it isn't like many here who are just starting their periods of NC. I'm in the stage those people will soon get to where you still love the person and would seriously consider reconciling but have the mentality that it is no biggie if nothing comes from it. I am fine being friends with my ex right now. Link to post Share on other sites
seductress989 Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 I still love my ex, and no, he never cheated on me. One thing that was great about our relationship was that we had a good, solid base of trust that was never broken. My whole family including myself trusted him and my family don't trust that many people. What gives? Well....I'm truly just afraid of being rejected again by him. I couldn't handle that right now. BTW.if you wanna a more in-depth look at this check out my thread in Second Chances. Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 All, I can't believe they shut us down!!!!.... well actually i can... it was dreadful finding the end of that thread Anyways, HELLO ALL!.......... I have returned........ new and improved! After the last telephone conversation she had with my mother...... it took me a week to get over the idea she might be considering reconciling........ i think that i'm 85% over her............. WHICH IS FANNNNNNNNNNNNNTASTIC! Good job starting an new thread mj108.... i'm sure everyone will catch on. As far as how long it takes for them to realize it....... I don't know......... I think it all depends on how much they're willing to lie to themselves...... how hardheaded they are...... how proud....... how long it takes them run into complete and utter LONELINESS..... with absolutely no one to call, talk to........ how long it takes them to reach a point where they begin to think.. "oh my god...... no one knows i exist" I've been considering dating again....... but.. it's rather difficult..... because it's been such a long time taht I've approached another woman/girl with the intent of more than just friends......... it's funny... i don't remember it being this hard Would it be wrong for me to date someone who's older than me? I mean.. i'm 25.. but I think I'd like to meet a woman who's 30/2. For some reason, I think taht's what I need, a woman... not this girl i don't know what want type.......... i don't know........ i don't like being my age..... it's just a big 'mess' and hassle........ atlous, when your done with school........ can i buy you dinner?? well... it's been a while... but i forgot how much 'fun' it was to post here............ will be back for more! Link to post Share on other sites
atlous Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 Why when I am done school why not now! LOL Hey Wantan nice to hear that you are doing well. I am glad mJ started anothe one it feels like you guys are my second family. I just wrote another exam this morning and my eyes are burning and I want to sleep. I feel good today another good day. The days seem to appear managable with time. I rarely think of the devil himself anymore. I feel lucky that I am not that girl that he can hurt anymore. My birthday is on November 20 and I will be 27! I feel so old! I feel good about who I am and where I am going. Our exs will never find anyone to replace us and when they find that out they will call and WE will not answer. Seriously if they were so quick to jump into another relationship what makes us so special that they would not do it again. Obviously they did not have any feelings if they did that in the first place. The ones that are hurting are the ones that opened themselves up and loved to their full potential. Our exs are not hurting because its possible their love was not as strong or deep as ours. We are all very bright and outgoing individuals that deserve better and I know that we have been told this a million times over again but this idea of us deserving better can not be overstressed enough. Have a good day keep your head up and laugh. This is sexy to many people. You will be surprised who notices you! Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 atlous, Okay.... whereabouts do you live? And what time should i pick you up!? Link to post Share on other sites
atlous Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 I live in Canada hey! Where are you from? Are you done school to? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WantanS4 Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 atlous, Check your PM... PM..... Link to post Share on other sites
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