Trapito Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 Hello people, I feel like **** for hurting someone I really care about. I have this coworker who became my close friend, like my male buddy. In may he told me he had feelings for me, I told him I didn't feel the same and that I'm sorry. A couple of weeks later I thought about it: He is funny, very sweet, caring and a real good person. Why not give it a shot and see where a date would lead us. I thought I felt a tiny spark. We went on two dates which were lovely and fun, except for the fsct that I didn't feel any progress in my feelings. I still see him as this awesome guy friend and nothing more, no spark, no nothing. I didn't want to lead him on (he was already talking about future plans), and I told him I was very sorry but I didn't feel the same. He started crying and told me he was falling in love with me. I felt horrible, I hurt my best friend and I hate how he was in pain. I told him it might be best to not be friends for a while because it will only prolong his pain. We are coworkers, so we see each other every day. I kept it professional and was polite but kept my distance to not give him any false hope. After two months he told me he was over me and we could be friends again. We hung out again, first in groups, later also just the two of us. I thought we were friends again. Fast forward: This saturday there was a party from our work. He requested to crash at my house, I declined because I was feeling a little tired lately and didn't want to make it an all nighter. He found himself an other place to crash. I went to the work party a couple of hours after it started together with my girl friends. We had a blast and decided to hit the town and go to a bar with a large group of coworkers. After a while everyone was pretty drunk and I danced with a male coworker who suddenly leaned in and kissed me. I kinda like this guy so I kissed him back. My guy friend apparently saw this. He later send me a text telling me he was really hurt by me kissing with my coworker. I feel sick to my stomach for hurting him. I thought he was over me and we were friends again. I called him last night to tell him I am sorry for hurting him, but I think it's time to keep our distance. Today at work was weird, I was polite and sat as far away from him as possible. I don't want to hurt him but I would also like to continue with my life. I feel like I am walking on eggshells trying not to hurt his feelings. Other coworkers tell me he is staring at me when I talk to my male coworkers from the technical department to solve problems for costumers. What do I do now? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 I'd probably pick the coward's way & just talk normally to your friend until things get back to normal. The better thing to do would be to apologize for hurting his feelings but again make it clear that you like him as only a friend. You will then have to let him set the pace & boundaries on your "new" relationship. FWIW, it took about a year for my guy friend to come back to being my friend after I rejected his advances Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trapito Posted December 1, 2014 Author Share Posted December 1, 2014 Thank you for taking the time to reply. He this time agreed to take time to get over me. I already told him I was very sorry for hurting his feelings, but I am not the one who can help him with this. Talking to me is hurting him, I don't want him to hurt. Wouldn't acting 'normal' and being his friend hurt him more than keeping my distance? I mean, I don't act like a bith to him but I am being professional and polite. I am afraid if I act like his friend he would get false hope, which would hurt him more in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted December 1, 2014 Share Posted December 1, 2014 By acting normal I mean saying hello at work. Sitting with the same group of people even if it includes him. Not making a scene if you have to sit by him in a meeting. I do agree that space is needed in that you shouldn't call or text him outside of work about non-work related things. Think of him as a broken puppy. He has to come to you. Until he does, leave him be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Trapito Posted December 1, 2014 Author Share Posted December 1, 2014 Aaah, thanks for the clarification. That's exactly what I'm doing. I'm not ignoring him, but I'm also not approaching him. Link to post Share on other sites
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