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Ex-gf has changed into a person I cannot recognize and it hurts?


Coping Learning to deal with one's emotions and loss.

 
 
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Old 28th September 2014, 11:15 PM   #1
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Ex-gf has changed into a person I cannot recognize and it hurts?

We were together for 3 years and were each other first serious relationship. We both shared our first time and I always thought she would be the perfect girl I would marry. However, during our 3rd year, she broke up with me twice. The second one was her finalized decision. Just 3 months after the break up, she already got herself a new guy while i was grieving for the loss. It has been 9-10 months of NC and just recently I stumbled upon an old picture of her when she was in highschool. So innocent and pretty. As a result, I went up to her Twitter out of curiosity. I was extremely heartbroken. She has turned into a complete different person. She definitely looks prettier but she pick up smoking, drinking and clubbing. Her new boyfriend doesnt even look promising at all. i dont mean to judge but I cant help it.

It crushes me to see what she has become. She left me to pursue such kind of life, engaging such unhealthy activities. And to think that she chooses him over me hurts me a lot. and to think she is sleeping with him crush me even further.

I am not posting a question but more of sharing my feeling with you guys. Perhaps it would be helpful if anyone of you shares with me your similar encounters. Thanks...
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Old 29th September 2014, 5:09 AM   #2
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I don't know how old you are but its all part of growing up. Everyone has a different path in life. There is nothing wrong with smoking and drinking and partying. I dated a girl a long time ago in high school and then into college and it didn't work out. People are still becoming who they are at that age and experimenting with different ways of life to figure out what sues them. Love hurts and I am sorry you are in pain but its your life and she is not a part of you. Find someone who enjoys the things you enjoy who doesn't want to party. Also the guy she is with now is likely not someone she is even remotely interested in staying with. He is just Mr. good for right now and whats fun. Continue on with your life, maybe you guys will hit it off down the road. All the best.
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Old 29th September 2014, 5:39 AM   #3
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I know how you are feeling. I feel the same way about my ex. About 3 weeks ago I viewed his social media for the first time since about 8-9 months. It was a real weak day for me and I gave in. I didn't even browse his page for long but I didn't need to to know the difference with him now. The feeling is unlike any other I have ever had. We were not together as long as your relationship but it is very much painful still. Though I actually was the one to break up with my ex, it was because I saw/felt him changing. In one way I am glad that I saw his profile again because it was just a slight push in re-realizing that he HAD changed and he had been deceptive to me. When I think about us together it seems like a dream, or like something I imagined. When I saw his page it was just an empty and yet sharp feeling. I really don't have much advice, but everything just has to be taken a day at a time, because there really is no other choice.
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Old 29th September 2014, 10:29 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by serges View Post
I stumbled upon an old picture of her when she was in highschool. So innocent and pretty.
We were all there once - and we all lose our innocence.

You fell in love with that illusion of purity and girlhood and are shocked that she has become a woman.

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Originally Posted by serges View Post
i dont mean to judge but I cant help it.
Well, you are judging by standards of an era that no longer exist. You want to keep her in that life and time you knew her by and - in your mind - part her will always be that innocent young girl. Sorry, but everyone grows up.

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Originally Posted by serges View Post
We were together for 3 years and were each other first serious relationship.
You were each others' FIRST relationship; one born out of experimentation in becoming adults. No relationship will ever be like that again; nor should it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by serges View Post
It crushes me to see what she has become. She left me to pursue such kind of life, engaging such unhealthy activities. And to think that she chooses him over me hurts me a lot. and to think she is sleeping with him crush me even further.
Stop looking at her social media. Just stop. Block all of the accounts immediately.
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Old 29th September 2014, 1:09 PM   #5
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People can be changed just anytime, whether for good or bad. It is always our own fault when we trust too much.
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Old 29th September 2014, 2:33 PM   #6
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Some people make it through their developing years fine, others are crushed by their own stupidity, narcissism and ignorance.

The girl you knew is dead, and I'm sorry, but this one isn't even worth a few clicks.
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