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'What next'


CT98

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Something that's been crossing my mind the last few days:

 

My now ex and I were saving for a deposit on our first home together, I had a plan on how things were going to turn out, and I was happy with the way my life was heading.

 

Then we broke up 9 days ago.

 

I'm kind of struggling with the idea of where my life is going now.

 

I know that I'll meet someone else, but I can't help thinking where? when? how!? How is the big one, I live in a fairly small town and I'm pretty sure I know 99% of the people in it.

 

When I do try and imagine myself with someone else I can for a minute or so and then thoughts of being with anyone else but my ex paralyze my mind and I find it impossible to imagine doing the kind of things I used to do with my ex with anyone else.

 

 

Just feeling lost is the easiest way to describe it.

 

I know these feelings are normal after a BU and I know people eventually move on and figure out what they want from their life, but I'm just finding it hard right now to see it.

 

Any stories from users about their own moving on, or any advice with dealing with these kind of emotions would be gratefully received.

 

I am taking it one day at a time but my mind can't help but wander into what the future may hold.

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HeartbrokenNewbie

I kinda get the impression u may be relying on others to make you happy x

 

I was guilty of it, my bu happened 14 months ago & since then I've set up my own business & am concentrating on myself so when someone else does come along they will be an accessory to my life & not be in a position to pull the rug from under my feet x

 

My advice would be to stop thinking about meeting someone & build your life the way that u want it x

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I understand what you're saying, and I know that I have to get myself happy.

 

Life's just better when you've got someone to share it with, I'm that kind of person I think, one that likes to share his life with someone.

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Being alone in a small town is not very easy, especially if you are not use to being independent.

 

I can show some of how my independence worked for me.

 

I never felt rooted in any particular place, so moving to various locations was not a difficult choice. I only had 3 years and my way of thinking a job security is a pipe dream, it was nothing lost.

 

So I moved away from California to be with my GF, as she had rooted herself in the job she had.

 

Sometimes the best thing one can do is allow yourself to see more than what you are given. Living is not to be squandered by getting by, even if you have limited means, there is always some place you never been. Whether or not you find what you are looking for, getting out is all for the better.

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Try not to spend too much time dwelling on what the future might hold. When my breakup was fresh, I didn't believe I'd ever be with someone else. Then I realized if you'd told me a month earlier that we would break up, I wouldn't have believed that either. Just as bad things happen suddenly and slap us upside the head, good things also happen in ways we couldn't foresee.

 

For me, my ex was everything. When everything came crashing down two months ago, I decided that I would use this as an opportunity to show myself how strong I could be. I realized that the thing I feared most had happened: I'd been rejected by someone I was completely devoted to. After that, you can be kind of fearless. If I'm in a situation which would have scared me before, I say to myself "What's the worst that can happen? Is it gonna be more painful than that rejection?", and the answer is always no.

 

So, I've trained for and completed a 10k race. I've put myself in new social situations, even though I'm shy and awkward. I'm looking into buying my first apartment. This week, I will be quitting my very safe and very boring job in order to accept a demanding position within a field I'm passionate about. Do I still hurt from the breakup? Yes! Do I still feel worried about the future sometimes? Yes! But I also feel very alive, and very capable.

 

There is no doubt about it, break ups are horrible and painful. But they can also give you a kick in the backside. They take you out of your comfort zone, and it is easier to make changes when your life is already in a state of flux.

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strong-hearted

I know what you mean, I'm going through the same thing and yes you depended on people to make you happy I know cuz that's how I feel, I depended so much on him I thought my life was over the minute he would leave, well guess what? he left me, he's gone and I'm still alive I'm still here, yeah it's hard and painful and everything but this will eventually go away, you need to be surrounded by your friends and family and it will also help if you see a counselor, I honestly thought my life was over without him but not all I'm doing is just starting my life all over again that's all..a new life and you gotta do what makes YOU happy you gotta make yourself happy and love yourself cuz if you don't then no one else is gonna do it, I had to learn this lesson the hard way.

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