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10 months later and I need to get this off my chest


brokeNlost

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My story recap: My ex-gf of 4yrs broke up with me about 10 months ago for another guy. I was devastated, hurt, and depressed. I did everything I could think of to get her back (beg, cry etc). Eventually, I reluctantly accepted the relationship have ended and went into NC. However, I'll admit that I did got weak and broke NC throughout the 10 months separation. She would occasionally strung me along and tell me she still loves me and her parents likes me better than her new bf etc. Long story short, in July, she texted me saying that she and her new bf (the guy she left me for) broke up. She kind of hinted that she wanted to get back together with me but I told her I didn't love her anymore. It was more of a prideful response for me. But in truth, I still love her but there no way I can come back after everything that happen during the relationship and even after it. Nevertheless, we remains as friends. Which in retrospect is probably a very bad idea. All the emotional pain and heartaches that I endure during the 10 long months are coming rushing back at me. Just yesterday she told me she is getting married soon to someone she knew from her childhood. Apparently, he is "Mr. Right". He is rich, handsome, and even have her parents approval. Recently, I've been depressed and can't understand why. I should be happy that she moved on with her life. Maybe subconsciously, I'm afraid that I have messed up my 1 and only chance to be with her again. It will hurt like hell when her wedding day comes. I don't know what I'm going to do. Looks like I'll be drinking and gambling this weekend.

Edited by brokeNlost
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You got an old wound re-opened so of course it hurts. You can drown your sorrows this weekend if that gets you through but safe & smart about it. No driving.

 

You need to keep yourself busy & find things that make you happy. Do them. Stay active so you have less time to think about her.

 

Maybe you will get lucky & not learn the date of her wedding so you can't dwell on it.

 

If you do find out, take some of your gambling winnings (I'm being an optimist here) & book yourself a nice vacation or even a great long weekend someplace fabulous so you have a distraction

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Peacock_Tail

It's normal to feel weak even after many months of NC. But you broke it and look how are you feeling now. She dumped you for another guy, which completely sucks but it's common, and then she messes with your mind for telling you later that she is going to get married (with another one!!). I really believe that this girl is bad news and it's much much better and healthier to not hear a single word from her.

 

I have to quote you but also change a few things. I'm afraid that you messed up your only chance chance to be with her again and have a miserable and depressing emotional life. ;)

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The logical side of me is asking why do you keep torturing yourself?

She left you. She never did loved you. She was insecure, controlling, and manipulative.

Our whole relationship has been a lie. I thought in a relationship, both party have to compromise to some extent to make the relationship work but in my case I was the only one compromising to keep her happy but all the while I was suffering inside.

Despite all that, the emotional attachment side of me keep wanting to be with her.

Keep wanting for her to see that I have always loved her. Keep wanting her to know that I tried my best to give her everything she ever wanted.

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She kind of hinted that she wanted to get back together with me but I told her I didn't love her anymore. It was more of a prideful response for me. But in truth, I still love her....

 

I stopped reading here. Pretending to like someone less (or more) than you actually do is one of the most hurtful things you can do to them. I would take some time to re-evaluate who you are and want to be through some serious self-reflection.

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Itspointless
Just yesterday she told me she is getting married soon to someone she knew from her childhood. Apparently, he is "Mr. Right". He is rich, handsome, and even have her parents approval.

Just wow. Within ten months 2 guys and now getting married :eek: I think you have been spared lots of headache.

I stopped reading here. Pretending to like someone less (or more) than you actually do is one of the most hurtful things you can do to them. I would take some time to re-evaluate who you are and want to be through some serious self-reflection.

I can't really blame him. It would be worse if he had believed it himself. I see this as self-preservation.

 

I hope you will feel better soon.

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Ha ha ha as if she is! Lol this is a blatant attempt to get a reaction out of u.. !

 

I wished you were right but it actually true, she is getting married. This guy that she marrying is the same guy she told me about 4 years ago when we first dated. He is a family friend and they knew each other for a very long time. He coming to see her this Sunday.

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HeartbrokenNewbie

Alright I'll believe it when I see it lol what is it an arranged marriage!? He's popping over Saturday to arrange the wedding lol x

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HeartbrokenNewbie

Just laugh at her.. IF this wedding goes ahead which it WONT then what an absolute laughing stock she is! Seriously tell her she's an idiot & if u can't see she's doing this to get a reaction out of u then you're a bit of a plum yourself x

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First and foremost you must acknowledge the fact that you have dodge a bullet. That woman is utterly unstable and her method of coping with things is to jump from relationship to relationship as she has clearly demonstrated. First, she leaves your for someone else, fine, that doesn't work out and now she's getting married? you can only feel sorry for her and wish her the best. Work on yourself and do not mask your emotions with other activities. Self medicating will only prolong your healing process. Acknowledge the fact that you are better off without her and that life goes on. Nothing remains stagnant and neither will you. Start by working on yourself as you have a long road ahead of you, start paving a better future.

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I feel you but you are right. You could never be together after what happened. I did the same thing, she called me crying wanted to see me blah blah and I would have taken her back that night but she couldn't tell me the truth. Its really hard and I think about that night all the time as I still miss and love her very much but its over and you will just have to find someone else as hard as that is and trust me I know how hard it is. I still cry about her, hope you get feeling better and sorry she is such a bitch.

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I believe you both have very deep emotional wounds - far deeper than those inflicted by each other - which you would each benefit from exploring.

 

You each have your own unique way of coping. But what you both share is the desperate need for another person to numb the pain. When that person fails in the impossible task given to them it would seem that you each turn to another coping mechanism. For her, it's another relationship. For you, it's booze and gambling. I truly hope that your weekend is a one-off and not a recurring pattern.

 

What exactly is it that you love about her?

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bubbaganoosh

Best thing you can do is get the needle and thread out and re stitch you old wounds and move on.

 

You learned a good lesson. The trick is not making the same mistake twice.

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