TheUnthoughtKnown Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 I recently found out that my ex's dad has a brain tumour. This is the ex who dumped me 4 years ago and whom I spent the best part of a year trying to get over. Occasionally I relapse and think about her, and have considered breaking NC after 4 years to see how she's doing, but this is different. I always really liked her dad. He was a lovely guy who I could sit and chat with for ages about anything from architecture to the latest Schwartzenneger movie. I was sorry to hear about his condition and I'd like to pass a message on that I'm thinking about him. Unfortunately that means going through my ex. A few of my friends think its a bad idea; that I'm opening Pandora's Box and it'll unravel the last 4 years of my life until I was the guy who was struggling to get over her all over again. I really don't think that'll be the case. I'm living with my gf now and I'm happy and settled enough in our relationship that I just don't think a relapse would happen. That being said, I posted earlier on the dating forum that I saw another ex of mine yesterday and had flashbacks to our relationship and briefly considered how things might have turned out for us. I don't want to go through that with this girl too, I just wanted her to tell her dad I hope he gets better. I'm not sure if I should do it or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 yeah, bad idea.. keep your focus on the GF you live with. I would think getting something from you about his diagnosis after 4 years would seem a bit thinly veiled, let her deal with this on her own. However..If she reaches out to you then reach back Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 yeah, bad idea.. keep your focus on the GF you live with. I would think getting something from you about his diagnosis after 4 years would seem a bit thinly veiled, let her deal with this on her own. However..If she reaches out to you then reach back Yeah I was concerned she might see this as an attempt to get back into her life, which is absolutely not what this is about. Her dad and mine were close friends several years ago, which is how she and I met, so it's conceivable that my dad told me the news and I just wanted to pass on my condolences, given he is a friend of the family. But I won't do it if it looks like I'm trying to worm my way back into her life. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 I don't think I would do it since she didn't tell you about it. It's just a sad fact that we usually fall out of touch. The father of an old ex of mine died, but I never said anything to my ex. This was years ago, but I just let it be. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 I'd send the dad a card. I have often send sympathy cards when I learn of the passing of the family member of an EX. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 I'd send the dad a card. I have often send sympathy cards when I learn of the passing of the family member of an EX. That's what I want to do, but unfortunately I don't know what hospital he's in. I've sent her a message asking for the address of the hospital so that I can send a card. I hope that she replies cordially with the details I need, and doesn't read into anything. I have just realised (with horror) that today is actually the 4th anniversary of our breakup. I hadn't realised that when I sent the message but hopefully it'll go unnoticed. Its a strange feeling; four years NC and I'm now faced with the possibility of speaking with her, and that makes me somewhat nervous. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 I'd send the dad a card. I have often send sympathy cards when I learn of the passing of the family member of an EX. This sounds like a good solution. My recent ex's dad was not in good health when we broke up, so I have often thought that when he dies, I will send a sympathy card to my ex's step-mom. Link to post Share on other sites
forgetmenot75 Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 Who told you about the brain tumor? And no, not a good idea to contact her.after 4 years and still she is popping out in your head? Really? Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 How would your current gf feel if she knew that you had contacted your ex, who you still think about occasionally? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted March 31, 2014 Author Share Posted March 31, 2014 How would your current gf feel if she knew that you had contacted your ex, who you still think about occasionally? Oh, she knows. I've told her. She also knows I still think about her occasionally and agrees that some break ups are just really difficult to get over. I'm not romantically interested in my ex anymore. Yeah, I think about her from time to time but it feels like a hangover from our relationship, albeit an extremely long one. Who told you about the brain tumor? And no, not a good idea to contact her.after 4 years and still she is popping out in your head? Really? My dad told me. My dad was very close with hers a few years back, which is how she and I met. Her family are friends with my family, see? It isn't just a 'my ex's dad' scenario, I actually knew her dad before I knew her. All I really want to do in this situation is send a card or at least just let him know I hope he's okay. I have to go through my ex for that, sure, but I won't let it get me down. The likelihood, if she even replies to me at all that is, will be a simple response giving me the details I need to send him a card and that'll be the end of our situation. I've been thinking this through all day and I think it'll be okay. I hope so anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 How would your current gf feel if she knew that you had contacted your ex, who you still think about occasionally? If the new GF has any humanity whatsoever she should be proud that the person she is dating has compassion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted March 31, 2014 Share Posted March 31, 2014 OP, given your father told you, it would appear that your families became close over the years so my advice would be to find out, through whatever means, how to contact the man and do so and offer your sympathies and remembrance in this difficult time. On a positive note, I had dinner last night with a good female friend who is only two weeks post-op of a brain tumor and she's doing real good, even if her hair has somewhat fallen out from the chemo. Medical help can be miraculous. Human support and love can be vital. Life is brief. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheUnthoughtKnown Posted April 1, 2014 Author Share Posted April 1, 2014 OP, given your father told you, it would appear that your families became close over the years so my advice would be to find out, through whatever means, how to contact the man and do so and offer your sympathies and remembrance in this difficult time. On a positive note, I had dinner last night with a good female friend who is only two weeks post-op of a brain tumor and she's doing real good, even if her hair has somewhat fallen out from the chemo. Medical help can be miraculous. Human support and love can be vital. Life is brief. Good luck. Thank you very much Carhill. Her dad is still a relatively young guy, only in his mid-to-late 50s I think. It's a shame that these things are so common. I still have both my parents and I couldn't imagine losing them at all. I've messaged my ex and asked her for an address I can send a card. I'll update the thread if/when I eventually hear from her. Link to post Share on other sites
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