blacknoir Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 So, this was from my post in the "How are you coping" thread, from last night.... Stupid softball. I couldn't hit the ball worth crap - she was the pitcher, and I was distracted. I maintained NC completely. I pitched when she was up - I concentrated on the catcher, not her. After practice, my daughter ran to catch up with her as she walked out. I caught her glance ever so quickly at me as my daughter gave her the small gift that she had made. I had my sunglasses on. *sigh* I'm coping, but barely. It was hard being near her. I so wanted to talk to her, to tell her how cute she looked in her pony-tail, how much I'm still in love with her, even after she destroyed me. Dammit. So....Followup. Today, I got a breadcrumb (well, maybe - you tell me) from her, at work, via IM: "that was very sweet of <daughter> to make me the glass stone. tell her i put a magnet on the back and it's on my fridge holding up my grocery list" What do? I ignored it and went to a meeting, but it's still sitting right there in front of me, like a rich creamy chocolate milkshake just wanting me to pick it up and drink it.... Part of me says "ignore", part of me says "set up workplace boundaries right now, but do it tactfully". If I go with #2, I'm thinking something along the lines of: "Look, I'm not trying to be hostile here, but let's try and keep work, work. If you need to say anything to me not related to work, you know how to reach me on my cell." Too harsh? If so, how do I soften it, get the message across that I'm not necessarily adverse to contact (even if I do ignore it unless it's "those words"), but still set the boundary? Not gonna lie - the breadcrumb has me completely spun up at the moment - I've said before and I'll say it again - if I get "those words", I'll jump back, despite the hell she put me through. Link to post Share on other sites
ithappenedagain Posted March 3, 2014 Share Posted March 3, 2014 That's tough man.. My and my ex also played in softball leagues together.. My season started last night (but game was cancelled due to weather). Back to you though.. I would just ignore her IM.. There really isn't a need to respond back to it. She just told you to tell your daughter that she put a magnet on the back of it so she could put it on her fridge... I mean I guess if you wanted you could respond back with a simple "Ok, I will". But even that is stretching it. So what are those magic words? Link to post Share on other sites
Author blacknoir Posted March 3, 2014 Author Share Posted March 3, 2014 (edited) That's tough man.. My and my ex also played in softball leagues together.. My season started last night (but game was cancelled due to weather). Back to you though.. I would just ignore her IM.. There really isn't a need to respond back to it. She just told you to tell your daughter that she put a magnet on the back of it so she could put it on her fridge... I mean I guess if you wanted you could respond back with a simple "Ok, I will". But even that is stretching it. So what are those magic words? So, a buddy just gave me option 3, which is very truthful, and sounds pretty good. Reply with: "I was pretty surprised when <daughter> made something for you and <other person who she also made one for>. I'll let her know." This shows that I had no part in my daughter making the "gift" (which I didn't). The one thing my buddy said was that now, every time she goes to the fridge, she's not going to be thinking about my daughter, but she's going to be thinking about how *my* daughters adore her, and how much *I* adored her. (In his words) "you need to take your daughter to Toys R Us...." Those magic words are "I screwed up, I'm sorry and I want you back" Edited March 3, 2014 by blacknoir Link to post Share on other sites
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