ithappenedagain Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Yesterday and today have been pretty terrible days for me. I just cant seem to shake her out of my head. In fact, I even broke down in tears I miss her so much guys. Nobody knows the pain I am in except you guys, so this is why I am posting this message. The BU happened a month ago so it is still fresh, but man.. the pain I am feeling right now is comparable to the night she left me. So much has happened in that one month yet it feels like it was just yesterday that she left me. I have moved into a new apartment, got promoted at work, and bought a bunch of new clothes for the ''new me'' yet all I want to do is show her and tell her all about it. Sometimes I will just go to the store hoping just to see her, or hoping she sees me. I know this is not healthy, and it is going against NC -albiet indirectly - but I need to know how to move on. I know I know.. That is the age old question on broken heart websites. But it is the truth. I wish I had a magic wand or something Anyways.. Just need some love, prayers and support guys and gals. Thanks for reading. I'll be praying for everyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Gemini x Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 I'm going through the same thing right now. Post BU about 5 weeks. 7 days NC. I'm the dumpee as he disappeared on me. I've been having a horrible day today wanting to break NC. Sundays were kind of special for my ex and I and I've really been missing him today. The only thing that's going to help us is time. It really sucks but that's the truth. Nothing I, nor anyone, says can soothe your pain or make it disappear. Time is the only way. Literally, 10 mins ago, I typed out a message to him and as soon as I started to hit send I stopped myself for fear of being rejected/ignored. I come on here for support but at the end of the day I'm still missing him and sometimes crying myself to sleep. There's nothing I can do except let time run its course. Just know that you're definitely NOT alone. *hugs* Link to post Share on other sites
Author ithappenedagain Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 Gemini - Thanks for taking the time to read my post and reply. I am so sorry that you are also having a bad day. Big hugs are being thrown your way right now. You are probably remembering the great times you shared with your partner - just like I am. I am also wondering how 2 people can go from being best friends and lovers to all of a sudden being complete strangers It sucks. Whatever you do, please dont contact him. I know how much you want to, but just know that NOTHING good will come of it. Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 The pain is still so fresh, it really does stem down to giving it time. Heartbreak is so common yet you feel like the only one who knows the pain. You spend time with someone and then once the rug is yanked from under your feet, you hit the floor so hard and end up with a heart-cussion. You're in withdrawal from love. You replay the special moments, you can only think of how happy they must be moving on with their lives and you feel stuck. You know what the good things are? 1.) they may be "moving on" but they will have those moments of feeling like they may have made the wrong choice. 2.) they will make an attempt to reach back to you when you've moved on, you have to prepare yourself and show them the mistake they made. Show them that they may have knocked you down, but you got back up with your middle fingers in the air. 3.) When the day comes for you to open your heart again, you'll be ready and you'll be ready to really look for what you value in someone. Best wishes, and remember, every day is hard believe me. Check out a book Called "how to survive the loss of love" They describe the uphill battle as a zig zag lightning bolt. You feel you're making progress, but you hit those slumps but you're still on the rise. Ps; if you're having a hard day... Just think "some guy in Seattle is dealing with the same pain, I'm never alone" <3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gemini x Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 You know what the good things are? 1.) they may be "moving on" but they will have those moments of feeling like they may have made the wrong choice. Do you believe this is true for every dumper? I wonder how mine can leave me so easily and not look back after having me, and often no one else, by his side for over 3 years. I wonder why I'm here being so miserable and struggling to make it through the day while he's feeling nothing and not even giving me a second thought. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ithappenedagain Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 Do you believe this is true for every dumper? I wonder how mine can leave me so easily and not look back after having me, and often no one else, by his side for over 3 years. I wonder why I'm here being so miserable and struggling to make it through the day while he's feeling nothing and not even giving me a second thought. I guarantee you that he still thinks about you. He might be living his new life feeling like he is on cloud 9, but trust me.. there are probably moments during the day where he is alone, and his mind starts thinking about you. He might not think of you as much as you think of him, but I truly believe that if someone meant so much to someone for several years - the thought has to be on the back of their mind. you know? Link to post Share on other sites
Gemini x Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Gemini - Thanks for taking the time to read my post and reply. I am so sorry that you are also having a bad day. Big hugs are being thrown your way right now. You are probably remembering the great times you shared with your partner - just like I am. I am also wondering how 2 people can go from being best friends and lovers to all of a sudden being complete strangers It sucks. Whatever you do, please dont contact him. I know how much you want to, but just know that NOTHING good will come of it. I stopped myself from sending it. The urge to break NC has been really strong today but I've forced myself not to. Right before I got ready to hit send, I thought how I'd feel if he replied back and said he was with someone new, and that stopped me dead in my tracks. I couldn't handle that right now. I'm having a hard enough time with this BU without hearing that $h!t. This is the hardest break up I've ever endured. All I keep thinking about is the good things for whatever reason. I have *plenty* of bad things to think about but my mind goes back to the "loving, passionate kissing, cuddly" moments. It fkn sucks. I only wish he was missing me like you are your ex but I doubt that's the case. I'm sure, since I'm the one so damn miserable, he's the oh so happy one right now. I'll be so glad the day I can come on here and post that I've moved on and am so happy again. I can't wait to get my old bubbly, giggly, happy self back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ithappenedagain Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 STM206 - Man thanks so much for replying back to me. I just got a chance to read your story, and man.. I feel your pain Isn't it weird how the person we once loved can become a stranger overnight? I bet he is thinking of you. He will reach out to you at some point. It always happens. I've been the dumpee many times, and sure enough.. they always reach back once or twice. But like you said, when that happens, hopefully you have healed and are ready to give them the double barrel with both of your middle fingers :) Hey man. Just know that I'll be thinking of you and praying hard for you tonight. I havent read all of your other posts, but that will give me something to do tonight. I hope you are feeling a little better. We are all here for eachother on this site. Hang in there bud. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ithappenedagain Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 All I keep thinking about is the good things for whatever reason. I have *plenty* of bad things to think about but my mind goes back to the "loving, passionate kissing, cuddly" moments. It fkn sucks. You and me both. Seriously... Just like you, there are a MILLION (ok well maybe not that much LOL) bad things about our relationship that I SHOULD be focussing on (we fought a lot, she was immature, she hated certain things i did, etc etc) but for some damn reason all my mind wants to do is torture me with the great times we had together. All of the vacations we took, all of the holidays we shared together, her family loved me, etc etc.. THIS ****ING SUCKS!! Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Do you believe this is true for every dumper? I wonder how mine can leave me so easily and not look back after having me, and often no one else, by his side for over 3 years. I wonder why I'm here being so miserable and struggling to make it through the day while he's feeling nothing and not even giving me a second thought. Here's how the scenario plays out in my head. They've left, they've got other "plans to look forward to" they may move forward into their life's thinking "ah, this is what I needed" however, give it time... Judge them by their past... I personally know my ex had many sleepless nights due to his anxiety, and I know it was because he has ended things on bad terms with precious friends. Once the "high" of the new life dies down, they're going to realize they're at home alone (unless they're filling it with sex or have already rebounded or simply a sociopath) they're going to look back and think of your touch... Of course they would never let you know this, they're feeling guilt, they're swallowing their pride. Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Here's how the scenario plays out in my head. They've left, they've got other "plans to look forward to" they may move forward into their life's thinking "ah, this is what I needed" however, give it time... Judge them by their past... I personally know my ex had many sleepless nights due to his anxiety, and I know it was because he has ended things on bad terms with precious friends. Once the "high" of the new life dies down, they're going to realize they're at home alone (unless they're filling it with sex or have already rebounded or simply a sociopath) they're going to look back and think of your touch... Of course they would never let you know this, they're feeling guilt, they're swallowing their pride. Don't let this be "hope" for getting back together, but fuel and perhaps some compassion for what someone you care about might be dealing with as well... When the time is right. Once the fog begins to lift, you'll see clearly... You'll see that they are human and do hurt. Love isn't enough (sadly) there's so many factors... Relationships are complicated for a reason lol. Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 STM206 - Man thanks so much for replying back to me. I just got a chance to read your story, and man.. I feel your pain Isn't it weird how the person we once loved can become a stranger overnight? I bet he is thinking of you. He will reach out to you at some point. It always happens. I've been the dumpee many times, and sure enough.. they always reach back once or twice. But like you said, when that happens, hopefully you have healed and are ready to give them the double barrel with both of your middle fingers :) Hey man. Just know that I'll be thinking of you and praying hard for you tonight. I havent read all of your other posts, but that will give me something to do tonight. I hope you are feeling a little better. We are all here for eachother on this site. Hang in there bud. Likewise! It does suck, you went from "I love you and want to spend my life with you" to "ugh"... You know what? YOUR LOST! If that's how they treat you, then that's a personality trait in themselves. It just shoes that they in the end are self motivated people who aren't willing to put in REAL work for what a relationship requires. You deserve someone who is willing to fight for you as you would them. The 50/50 thing shows it's true colors when breakups happen. Just think, thank god this didn't happen 5 years down the road when more of your heart was invested. You were able to be freed now, free to find someone who is WORTHY of your time. Let them run along and create more messes in their life and come crawling back when they've finally hit rock bottom. You'll be in my prayers too! Link to post Share on other sites
Gemini x Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 What about in the case of a rebound? If the dumper has already moved on do they still think of their recent ex? Do they still feel guilt? I've never done a rebound thing so I don't know how those work. Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 What about in the case of a rebound? If the dumper has already moved on do they still think of their recent ex? Do they still feel guilt? I've never done a rebound thing so I don't know how those work. I haven't either, but I would imagine that if they are ALREADY rebounding, their new partner has some big shoes to fill! It doesn't matter what people say, there was a reason your ex was with you, you had qualities that he didn't see in other people. He will compare you constantly to his new flame, even if he does it in silence. Rebound relationships almost never work for a reason, because they simply aren't moving forward like they think they are. They're filling a void as well. I could be wrong but I just imagine myself in their shoes. Link to post Share on other sites
Gemini x Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Let them run along and create more messes in their life and come crawling back when they've finally hit rock bottom. Omg.. this is so going to be my ex. His life was a total mess when I got with him, during our relationship and I know now after, as well. There was always some dramatic thing happening in his life. He's had a horrible life from basically childhood. No one has ever been there for him. He's always hitting rock bottom and I was the *only* person that was truly there. I know he will hit rock bottom again one day. It's happened all throughout his life, and he's 36. It's sad but in some way that makes me feel a tad better because while I'm here crying my eyes out it's only a matter of time until something bad happens to him. It never fails. Link to post Share on other sites
Gemini x Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 You and me both. Seriously... Just like you, there are a MILLION (ok well maybe not that much LOL) bad things about our relationship that I SHOULD be focussing on (we fought a lot, she was immature, she hated certain things i did, etc etc) but for some damn reason all my mind wants to do is torture me with the great times we had together. All of the vacations we took, all of the holidays we shared together, her family loved me, etc etc.. THIS ****ING SUCKS!! It does suck. I can't even play Call of Duty anymore because he was the one got me playing it. That was kind of like "our" game. I see him everywhere. If ex's do forget, I sure as hell don't know how. Mine seems to be all around. Have you tried making a list of all the bad things about your ex? Write down all of the negatives and look back on it when you're missing her or wanting to reach out. Link to post Share on other sites
STM206 Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Omg.. this is so going to be my ex. His life was a total mess when I got with him, during our relationship and I know now after, as well. There was always some dramatic thing happening in his life. He's had a horrible life from basically childhood. No one has ever been there for him. He's always hitting rock bottom and I was the *only* person that was truly there. I know he will hit rock bottom again one day. It's happened all throughout his life, and he's 36. It's sad but in some way that makes me feel a tad better because while I'm here crying my eyes out it's only a matter of time until something bad happens to him. It never fails. It never fails. I know you're hoping he crawls back, but try and put YOU in focus. Think about the mess he left you in when he left. I know out of the goodness of your heart you might want to take him back, but this is his mess. He crawls back, reaches out... And if you ever think there's a slim chance it could REALLY work... You make him walk the walk... I just wait for the day to hear from my ex, but I'm also preparing myself. I am expecting 1 of 2 things. 1.) I am so lost right now and need to talk to you Or 2.) hey! I'll be in Seattle with my boyfriend and would love to get coffee sometime! I've already for 2 responses prepared in my notes lol... I threw my pride away, invested so much time trying to win him back... It's time to try and take that back. Until then, self healing time, and trying to put focus into positive places. ****, by the time they come crawling back, are we even going to care anymore? We might be at a stage where we're not replying to their texts because were maintaining NC, but simply because they aren't a factor in our daily life's anymore. It's like "meh, I'd rather clean my house then have to waste gas going to meet them for coffee" Link to post Share on other sites
Gemini x Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 It never fails. I know you're hoping he crawls back, but try and put YOU in focus. Think about the mess he left you in when he left. I know out of the goodness of your heart you might want to take him back, but this is his mess. He crawls back, reaches out... And if you ever think there's a slim chance it could REALLY work... You make him walk the walk... I just wait for the day to hear from my ex, but I'm also preparing myself. I am expecting 1 of 2 things. 1.) I am so lost right now and need to talk to you Or 2.) hey! I'll be in Seattle with my boyfriend and would love to get coffee sometime! I've already for 2 responses prepared in my notes lol... I threw my pride away, invested so much time trying to win him back... It's time to try and take that back. Until then, self healing time, and trying to put focus into positive places. ****, by the time they come crawling back, are we even going to care anymore? We might be at a stage where we're not replying to their texts because were maintaining NC, but simply because they aren't a factor in our daily life's anymore. It's like "meh, I'd rather clean my house then have to waste gas going to meet them for coffee" I do hope he comes crawling back but to be honest I'm not sure it's because I *want* him back. I'd love to know that he knows he screwed up. I think that's it more than anything. Regardless of whether I ever hear from him again or not I know it's only a matter of time until something bad happens in his life. It always does. He either loses his job, his home, ends up in the hospital for some "accident" or one of the other million dramatic things that happens to him. There was always some dramatic soap opera thing happening to him. Bad karma? I have no idea but it will happen again. I don't really expect him to reach out to me but I've made it hard for him to do so. The only way he can contact me is by my home phone and in order for him to do that he'll have to actually talk to me and he knows better than to do that right now. He knows I'm fuming and he'd wait until the dust settled. But I believe by that point I'll have reached indifference and will be less likely to deal with any bull$h!t. I'm maintaining NC and whatever happens, happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Colton Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 Yesterday and today have been pretty terrible days for me. I just cant seem to shake her out of my head. In fact, I even broke down in tears I miss her so much guys. Nobody knows the pain I am in except you guys, so this is why I am posting this message. The BU happened a month ago so it is still fresh, but man.. the pain I am feeling right now is comparable to the night she left me. So much has happened in that one month yet it feels like it was just yesterday that she left me. I have moved into a new apartment, got promoted at work, and bought a bunch of new clothes for the ''new me'' yet all I want to do is show her and tell her all about it. Sometimes I will just go to the store hoping just to see her, or hoping she sees me. I know this is not healthy, and it is going against NC -albiet indirectly - but I need to know how to move on. I know I know.. That is the age old question on broken heart websites. But it is the truth. I wish I had a magic wand or something Anyways.. Just need some love, prayers and support guys and gals. Thanks for reading. I'll be praying for everyone. Want to know something? You are so lucky to be on this site only one month after BU. I didn't find this site until about 7 or 8 months into my BU. And I made so many damn mistakes to hinder my progress that I feel I wouldn't have done if I had found LS sooner. Everyone says go NC immediately. This is true. No more stopping by the store. Don't even think about picking up the phone or texting her back until you are ready yourself to talk and she initiates it. There is a user on here named xUnknown, he told me something that I kick myself in the a** for not thinking of sooner. He said for his situation "she made her bed, now let her sleep in it". She chose to break up with you so let her see what it's like to not have you in her life PERIOD. Unfortunately there are no magic words to make you feel better, nothing you can do to make the pain go away. Everyone is different but for me, one year later, I still think about her everyday. I hate it so much. One problem I had was that we talked on average about every other month. I never showed her what it was like to have me absent from her life, I helped her move on by being there for her to get over me :/ One thing that slapped me in the face was her contacting me a few weeks ago. She texted me asking me to be friends again after months of NC and a year after BU. I told her yeah we should be, then she went silent on me. She wanted to see if she still had power over me because just a few days before she contacted me I posted a picture of me and a friend who I have history with on instagram (because she is after all a good friend of mine). She got her ego boost and went dark on me again. That's never happening again. Like I said everyone is different. Over the past year I've been back in the gym 5 days a week, been seeing other women, work 30 plus hours a week, and go to school. Still I can't shake her. Honestly it's probably because I kept in contact with her. But i did just move to a new city to try and shake things up in my life to help forget about her. It's been helping so far. You'll be alright man, it's going to suck but you're going to get through it, I'm going to get through it, and everyone else in our shoes are going to get through it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
h3braica Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 strange. I only remember the bad things about us not the good ones. Link to post Share on other sites
The Situation Posted February 17, 2014 Share Posted February 17, 2014 It's been 10 months for me, 'ithappenedagain', and I'm still heartbroken, miss her a great deal and want to get in touch. This won't give you much hope, but I really don't know when the pain will go completely. Length of time the relationship lasted is irrelevant, it depends on your ability to block the past out and try new things. I find it really though, but wish you all the best. Keep focused at work, no matter what! Love or heartbreak doesn't pay the bills. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ithappenedagain Posted February 17, 2014 Author Share Posted February 17, 2014 Thanks everyone. I'm finding the stress and anxiety to be the worst part of it all. I really hope one day she will leave my mind. It's tough. Everyone on this site can relate. I guess I just have to stay positive. Good things happen when you have a positive mental attitude. Things will be better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ithappenedagain Posted February 19, 2014 Author Share Posted February 19, 2014 Not knowing if my ex has moved on with someone else is another thing I have been having a hard time with... I almost think it would be easier if I knew that she has moved on with someone. This has been on my mind lately. A lot! Mainly because she instantly deleted EVERYONE from my family from her FB page.. She also deleted all mutual friends.. Some of which really had no clue that we even broke up... My mind is telling me she did this because she is hiding something. But then again, the mind can play tricks on you.. UGH! The day was so well today... Went skiing with my co-workers.. Weather was fantastic.. etc etc... Yet now that I am alone thoughts of her start to arrise UGH. It's been a month already dammit. I wish I wasn't still having these thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
LostConfused123 Posted February 19, 2014 Share Posted February 19, 2014 Believe me, it would not be easier if you knew. Ignorance is bliss!! of course this is only my opinion. Keep pushing forward. You'll make it!! ((hugs!)) Link to post Share on other sites
Author ithappenedagain Posted February 19, 2014 Author Share Posted February 19, 2014 Thanks Lost It's sucks either way. No matter if they have moved on with someone or not... The fact that they CHOSE to leave us will always hurt the most. But these games my mind have been playing on me lately SUCK! How are you doing? Making progress? Hugs back at ya! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts