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F my life and damn fb to hell!!!


robbysurfs

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Since I broke up with my ex last yr I have been on a emotional roller coster. I have been nc almost a yr and the love we shared and memories of her still linger on. I met her at a time when I was super vulnerable we went on and off a bit and one day she did not call me and I did not call her almost a yr later here i am. This past yr my birthday came and went and so did hers and holidays ect. and NC at all.... I went to check her fb page to see what she has been up to and my worst fears have come true she went to new orleans to see a guy that I assume is her new interest. She posted a video of them having fun and laughing the way we used to. I get it! she has moved on so should I but it hurts and it has been so hard for me to let go I really loved her. I feel like dirt and this guy is like a effin saint everything I am not. I feel horrible I hope these emotions pass soon I am devastated.

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Philosoraptor

You played with fire and got burned. Happy now?

 

Stick with NC until you feel indifferent. Then you won't even care to see what is going on with her anyways. Just focus on you. Life gets better when you are able to keep yourself as your number one priority.

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Bro, I know actually how you feel. I dated my ex for 4 years before she dumped me. In my case, she met her now BF one day after she dumped me. Man did that hurt like hell. Just like you, I found out through FB that one week later, they started to date. Deactivate or block your ex off your social media now!! It will save your sanity. I deactivated mine for 4 months already and it done me wonders. Although, I'll admit that I still have some lingering feelings for her but not knowing what she been up to is a huge relief. Ignorance is bliss.

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FB is not the problem though, is it....?

 

Hundreds of thousands of people are on FB with absolutely no problem whatsoever. it's fun for them, enjoyable and a way to interact with friends, family and others, alike.

No, the problem isn't FB.

 

It's you.

And you will only begin to move on, when you allow yourself to let go.

While you cling to the past, that's where you're always going to be.

'There' instead of 'here'.

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Robby. Let this give you the incentive to focus on yourself and the way forward.

 

Stuff her man. She might be having fun now but it will probably end for her and this new guy at some stage, like most relationships do. And if they get married and live happily ever after then that is also fine, it doesn't matter in your life.

 

There might well be somone out there that you have a contract with, waiting to be fulfilled. Know what I mean?

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ty for the comments I always feel better after I write it out. A part of me is feels like weight is lifted because now I know and she has moved on. And the stuff in mind is not true and I must let go and stop living in the past. The initial feelings were painful but necessary for me to realize a few things.It is taking a long time tho and I wish it would go faster.

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FB is not the problem though, is it....?

 

Hundreds of thousands of people are on FB with absolutely no problem whatsoever. it's fun for them, enjoyable and a way to interact with friends, family and others, alike.

No, the problem isn't FB.

 

It's you.

And you will only begin to move on, when you allow yourself to let go.

While you cling to the past, that's where you're always going to be.

'There' instead of 'here'.

I think this is an interesting and important point. Let's look at the outcome for the OP after some consideration:

ty for the comments I always feel better after I write it out. A part of me is feels like weight is lifted because now I know and she has moved on. And the stuff in mind is not true and I must let go and stop living in the past. The initial feelings were painful but necessary for me to realize a few things.It is taking a long time tho and I wish it would go faster.

I think that endlessly "picking the scab" by looking at Facebook, etc. is counterproductive and masochistic, but I am wondering if sometimes, in just the right dose, it can be therapeutic.

 

This poster has gone a year of NC, and has had problems moving on, so these new images came as a traumatic shock. But here's the thing: is that partly because he had closed off and held a static "fantasy" in his head, and absent outside information, he could just avoid with the need to acknowledge that she moved on?

 

So the Facebook trauma - which could have happened by running into her and her new boyfriend in person, or hearing about them from a mutual friend - in some form, was almost a helpful thing in that it helped to shatter the static fantasy image of things unchanged, shoved to the back and ignored, and forced the OP to deal with and begin to truly accept that she has moved on. "... a weight is lifted, because now I know..."

 

I am still a staunch advocate of NC, because so often "reaching out" is really a pathetic way to maintain a connection instead of acknowledging that it has broken. And if you're really moving forward and dealing, I say: stay away! But I think in certain cases, when a person is having trouble moving on, a small trauma like this - or hearing about "her" from a friend or whatever - can be a useful slap upside da head, to break you out of denial, and keep you from avoiding the brutal truth and avoiding moving on.

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Looking at her Facebook is only setting you back, STOP. In fact do yourself a favor and block her so you won't be tempted to check anymore. It's better when you don't know what they're up to at all, trust me.

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It often takes playing with fire once, for some several times to eventually internalize the fact that it's time to move on. Understand that you also have a life, and you have a million things going on, don't sell yourself short. A full year has elapsed and it appears that you remained stagnant while others decided to take charge and move on with their lives. You should do the same.

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Robby - the worst part is over now. Hopefully this will kill off any remaining hope you were clinging to and now you can fully begin to heal.

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Im not on fb anymore i deleted it awhile ago.

I wont try to contact her that i made final but it just reminded me of the love we had when I saw the video and I got sad.Basically I just went looking for trouble and found it. I admit it was a impulsive action and I get it shes gone and is not comming back. The fantasy in mind of us is diminishing it has been a rough yr for me. I am trying to bounce back from it and I believe I will she doesn't define me. I am not jaded I still believe in love and passion.I have been on dates and even had some flings with women but I still miss my ex I do really miss her and she will always have a part of my heart. Maybe in a few months I will laugh and say to myself man you were crazy but not today. just like everything else in my life that has came and went so will this pain and empty feeling.There will be another I hope (hahaha) but I can get caught up in the "vanity of despair"

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Maybe in a few months I will laugh and say to myself man you were crazy...

Ha ha, hey man, I'll tell you that right now! Anything to help out a bro... :cool:

 

You're gonna be OK. You don't have to ignore the past, but keep it in it's proper perspective (realistic views, not fantasies) and in its proper place (behind you.)

 

Hang in there - keep looking and moving forward.

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