I feel really pathetic for feeling like this. :-(

[NoDistanceLeftToRun]

OK, this story start 5 years ago with an on/off relationship that lasted for a year. In that time, we split up at least 7 or 8 times. She had been in an abusive relationship which had finished a year previously (she said she'd been abused by every significant male in her life) and found it hard to commit. So much so that she wouldn't even tell people we were dating. Also, the last abusive ex was still contacting her occasionally. I tried to walk away a few times (in the nicest possible way) but she always pulled me back in. Now, don't get me wrong, I own my role in this relationship - I know I should have been stronger and walked away for good but we got on so well that it was just too damned hard! Anyway, she eventually split up with me for good (via instant messenger, yeah thanks!) a couple of days after I told her I loved her for the first time (a few days earlier, she had told me that I was her sunshine and her life was empty when I wasn't around, so I felt fairly confident throwing the L word out there). Destroyed doesn't even begin to describe how I felt. Looking back now, I'm fairly sure I was just a rebound to help her get over a bad relationship.

 

At this point I should mention that we worked in the same office (big place - approx 1500 staff). I insisted that, whilst I would be friendly and courteous if I saw her in the office, I couldn't be her friend. A few months after that she left for another job and we totally lost contact. I never really forgot about her though.

 

Fast-forward almost 4 years and she came back to work at the same place. We started messaging each other, just random/light-hearted and, whilst it was clear we still got on, it felt like both of us were kinda holding back. That didn't stop my stoopid brain concocting all sorts of scenarios whereby we reunited and lived happily ever after. I'm not even sure if I would've got back with her if the opportunity presented itself, it was just my thoughts running ahead of themselves. At the same time stoopid brain was still holding onto a lot of resentment and anger for how she treated me way back. I really could write a novella of the crap she put me through and I never really got any explanation or apology. Yeah, it's safe to say her coming back to my work opened up a whole can of worms that had been sealed for years.

 

Shortly before Christmas just passed, she stopped messaging me as much and really only got in contact when she had a work enquiry. She shouldn't really have been approaching me directly for these enquiries so it still felt to me like she was trying to stay in contact. The human mind really does have an amazing capacity for self-delusion! The reason for the drop-off in messages was obvious.....

 

..... I found out last week that she's seeing someone now. I don't know why but it's got me really, really down. I've barely been out of the house this weekend, I've been so sad. I'm not even entirely sure why. She treated me badly - I know this and she admits this. So why am I feeling so down about this? Part of it I guess is sadness but also I'm resentful that she seems to be getting on with her life and I'm now stuck in the past again, with reopened wounds.

 

How do I let go of this relationship and its associated sadness, anger/resentment and false hope for good and move on, once and for all? This has been a monkey on my back on and off for 5 years. That's far too much of a life wasted and I feel so pathetic right now. Any help would be greatly appreciated and apologies for the "War and Peace" length of post.

[confusedsoul14]

I think you should let her go for good! I mean why would she call it off with someone who said her "the L word" just a few days back? She is so not worth ur time any more.