Running into my Ex

[Bishop556]

I was having a great day today. I was truly enjoying my college classes, and I told myself that I would only focus on the positives of my life, as I have a lot to be grateful and appreciative for. I have improved myself a lot the last two months. I feel a lot happier, healthier, and more hopeful for the future. I realized it is my ex's loss that she does not want me any more as I treated her with respect and beauty.

 

However, I was walking to the science library to work on some physics, and I ran into her. I looked at her and said hi, but she just looked down and ignored me. You see, this didn't mortify me, but it did damper my day. All the feelings of sadness and loss hit me like a tornado, and with the help of my friends and my lovely long board, I picked myself up. I'm still hurt, however, as my ex started dating someone a month after we ended. She is doing everything we used to do with him, it feels like she replaced me with him. I know I will be okay, I have dealt with worse situations, but I need some kind words and advice. Will I ever get through this? I feel as if I will never find a woman as caring as she was, but those feelings always conflict on how she treated me post breakup. She lied, manipulated, slept with other men within weeks, asked me for favors, and put all the blame on me. I am not perfect by any means, but I would not have done that to her. I would have been respectful as she would be undergoing worse pain than I would (if she was the dumpee, of course).

 

Than k you for reading this. If anyone has any words of advice or kindness, I would greatly appreciate it.

Edited January 22, 2014 by Bishop556

[Mondmellonw]

Hey there

Idk what's the background of your story, but for what you wrote I can relate a little to you.

I am also at college, good thing for me is he got graduated when we started dating, so I won't see him there, unless he has to go for his title.

I was the dumper, for some trust and respect issues. After just one week he was flirting/dating with one friend who supported me on the break up. When I left him he told me I was crazy and didn't got sad, but angry. He said a lot of awful stuff.

 

 

There is a lot more, but let's leave my story behind.

 

You wrote this: "Will I ever get through this? I feel as if I will never find a woman as caring as she was, but those feelings always conflict on how she treated me post breakup. She lied, manipulated, slept with other men within weeks, asked me for favors, and put all the blame on me. I am not perfect by any means, but I would not have done that to her. I would have been respectful as she would be undergoing worse pain than I would."

 

Yes, you will get outta this! Me too. You know? It's always encouraging to find out that there's a million people out there passing through difficult break ups. At least, it has been that way for me.

We all have flaws, but it is also a great sign that you can take your part on this.

Maybe both of our exes acted like crap after the break up, but do you think they realized what did they do wrong? They will maybe even keep on doing it.

And of course, we don't and shouldn't wish them bad, but the thing is... If we can accept that "Hey, maybe I did this wrong, but I will learn from it and I will become a better person." We're one step closer to our recovery.

 

 

 

Keep posting if needed

[Bishop556]

My story is this in a nutshell: I was experiencing depression due to traumatic events that have occurred to me in the past. It got pretty bad the last month of our relationship. I had a bad fight with my ex one time, I was undergoing a panic attack, and she broke up with me the next morning. I begged and pleaded, offered couple counseling and therapy, but she didn't want anything to do with me.

 

Well, when we were in a LDR, she emotionally cheated on me with another man. I forgave her and worked through it. Once she broke up with me, she got pretty intimate (to say it nicely) with him only a week after we ended. Two more weeks in, she met a guy in her class, bedded him, and is dating him now. I did make many mistakes due to my emotional nature. I did harass her at one point, but I forgave myself for it. I will never do something like that again to my next love interest.

 

I am just disgusted by the fact that my ex cannot be alone for more than a month after a year and a half relationship. I also feel angry that I apologized for my actions, and yet, I have not received one apology from her for the manner in which she treated me.

[Mondmellonw]

My story is this in a nutshell: I was experiencing depression due to traumatic events that have occurred to me in the past. It got pretty bad the last month of our relationship. I had a bad fight with my ex one time, I was undergoing a panic attack, and she broke up with me the next morning. I begged and pleaded, offered couple counseling and therapy, but she didn't want anything to do with me.

 

Well, when we were in a LDR, she emotionally cheated on me with another man. I forgave her and worked through it. Once she broke up with me, she got pretty intimate (to say it nicely) with him only a week after we ended. Two more weeks in, she met a guy in her class, bedded him, and is dating him now. I did make many mistakes due to my emotional nature. I did harass her at one point, but I forgave myself for it. I will never do something like that again to my next love interest.

 

I am just disgusted by the fact that my ex cannot be alone for more than a month after a year and a half relationship. I also feel angry that I apologized for my actions, and yet, I have not received one apology from her for the manner in which she treated me.

I see.

I keep on thinking that is a point to your favor if you're able to see that clearly the times you didn't acted well on your relationship, so you avoid doing those things on the future.

But there's no return, there's only a chance to move forward.

 

The question is, do you still want her back at some level? She sounds selfish, and chances are you'll never get an honest apology from her.

 

Because if she does, maybe it will be after things with this new man get bad.

So that wouldn't really be an honest apology.

[Mondmellonw]

I see.

I keep on thinking that is a point to your favor if you're able to see that clearly the times you didn't acted well on your relationship, so you avoid doing those things on the future.

But there's no return, there's only a chance to move forward.

 

The question is, do you still want her back at some level? She sounds selfish, and chances are you'll never get an honest apology from her.

 

Because if she does, maybe it will be after things with this new man get bad.

So that wouldn't really be an honest apology.

Oh, and well, about the last sentence...

I also felt like that.

I guess some people can't stand being alone.

But that shouldn't be bad for us. We should focus on ourselves, more than ever.

[Bishop556]

I see.

I keep on thinking that is a point to your favor if you're able to see that clearly the times you didn't acted well on your relationship, so you avoid doing those things on the future.

But there's no return, there's only a chance to move forward.

 

The question is, do you still want her back at some level? She sounds selfish, and chances are you'll never get an honest apology from her.

 

Because if she does, maybe it will be after things with this new man get bad.

So that wouldn't really be an honest apology.

 

I want her back due to my feelings towards her, but my rational side is telling to me to avoid her and never deal with her again. For example, I confronted her once about the guy she emotionally cheated with, and I asked if the fight was an excuse to leave me, and she basically told me she could have sex with anyone she wished due to being single, which is true but shows complete disregard for my feelings and shows no respect. Hell, she even sent a text to me saying, "I'm sorry that I hurt you, but I am allowed to sleep with whoever I want and I still do." It was just a giant **** you to me.

 

I'm not perfect, but I am working on my faults, and I want to become the best version of myself for no one else but me. I just feel she never took the time to develop herself, I think she ran away to not deal with the pain. I don't think she realizes how hurtful her actions can be.

[Mondmellonw]

I want her back due to my feelings towards her, but my rational side is telling to me to avoid her and never deal with her again. For example, I confronted her once about the guy she emotionally cheated with, and I asked if the fight was an excuse to leave me, and she basically told me she could have sex with anyone she wished due to being single, which is true but shows complete disregard for my feelings and shows no respect. Hell, she even sent a text to me saying, "I'm sorry that I hurt you, but I am allowed to sleep with whoever I want and I still do." It was just a giant **** you to me.

 

I'm not perfect, but I am working on my faults, and I want to become the best version of myself for no one else but me. I just feel she never took the time to develop herself, I think she ran away to not deal with the pain. I don't think she realizes how hurtful her actions can be.

I understand. The anger I have towards my ex goes almost the same way.

I hate the fact that he could just made me look like everything was on me. He did all of his crap and got away with it. He even turned some mutual friends against me, and told them I manipulated him onto having a relationship with me, when it was always mutual and for the ones that actually, saw him chasing me, it's pretty obvious he was interested... a lot.

He just treated me like if I had all the fault, all the time. Then he slept with his other ex, started dating my "friend".

 

Yeah,... it makes me very upset, cause like you, I still have "something" about him on me. But I would never go back to him.

 

 

 

You can try to release your anger by focusing on other activities.

[Bishop556]

The same occured to me. I just feel that in relationships when two partners experience a rough spot, they work through it because they love each other dearly. I was willing to do this with her, but she was unwilling to reciprocate. It just seemed like such a switch from who I believed she was. She was loving and caring as long as I could remember, and even post break up she was for the first few days, but afterwards she became someone who I never knew. I mean, I wanted to help her be happy even after post break up. I did many favors for her so she wouldn't fail her classes, I wanted to help her because I cared for her. I don't understand her logic, however, she basically wanted to have as much sex as possible, be free to date whoever in a very short timespan, manipulate me by telling me that our fight traumatized her and that the reason why she will not take me back is because I need to learn my lesson, and yet, she wants to be friends with me. It makes no sense.

Edited January 22, 2014 by Bishop556

[Mondmellonw]

The same occured to me. I just feel that in relationships when two partners experience a rough spot, they work through it because they love each other dearly. I was willing to do this with her, but she was unwilling to reciprocate. It just seemed like such a switch from who I believed she was. She was loving and caring as long as I could remember, and even post break up she was for the first few days, but afterwards she became someone who I never knew. I mean, I wanted to help her be happy even after post break up. I did many favors for her so she wouldn't fail her classes, I wanted to help her because I cared for her. I don't understand her logic, however, she basically wanted to have as much sex as possible, be free to date whoever in a very short timespan, manipulate me by telling me that our fight traumatized her and that the reason why she will not take me back is because I need to learn my lesson, and yet, she wants to be friends with me. It makes no sense.

Sounds like she wants to control you.

Will you let that happen only because you still have feelings for her?

Because she is taking advantage of it, and you should think about your integrity first.

 

I dunno what my ex is into nowadays and I really don't want to know. It would, surely, make me feel more upset.

 

I think that you should stop trying... Don't even say "hi" to her, or anything.

She might be confused, but in her confusion she broke your trust and is harming her.

That's on her, as I said, we can't know how they are really feeling or what they're thinking. We can only know what do we feel and think, and we can make it better.

[Bishop556]

Not at all. I have not spoke to her for over a month. I was a great boyfriend for her. Hell, she used to tell me two weeks before we ended that I made her feel like she was beautiful and worthwhile. Hopefully, I will find a woman who will appreciate me even during the difficult times, who won't leave when things go bad but will work through the issues with me. Thank you for hearing me out. You seem like a kind, intelligent woman.

[Mondmellonw]

Not at all. I have not spoke to her for over a month. I was a great boyfriend for her. Hell, she used to tell me two weeks before we ended that I made her feel like she was beautiful and worthwhile. Hopefully, I will find a woman who will appreciate me even during the difficult times, who won't leave when things go bad but will work through the issues with me. Thank you for hearing me out. You seem like a kind, intelligent woman.

Then just keep it that way!

You're welcome every time you need to vent or anything, just post. It's helpful to see other perspectives and relate to experiences from others.

Be the best you you can be and you will find that woman someday.

[Bishop556]

I feel better, but it will take months to get over her. It is not so easy to rid yourself of a year and a half of memories. Thank you.