How to Get Over Her

[StringsAttached]

Ok so i've been feeling much better lately. She still pops in my head from time to time but I want to share my wisdom with you on how to get over your ex.

 

First off, take full responsibility.

 

Your ex is not a God nor Goddess. Truth be told your ex is probably even more messed up than you are and nobody deserves to be put on a pedestal like that, least of all someone who broke your heart. You made a choice. You agreed to enter the relationship you cannot blame anyone for your misfortune. I used to blame my ex for the breakup and yeah she was immature through the whole thing but I made mistakes too. The biggest one being giving her my trust and believing her promises. I know this might seem obvious and you've probably heard it a million times but picture the negative aspects/traits of your ex and your relationship with him/her. What I do is whenever I think of my ex I shudder right after and say something nasty. I'll always love her and she's a great person but this will help you. Overtime whenever something reminds you of your ex you will automatically shudder. (doesn't have to be shudder, you can curse, punch a wall idk...)

 

Change yourself!

 

If you truly loved your ex then the breakup and the fallout will be a heart-wrenching, disastrous period in your life. If you do not change your life for the better you will be caught in the loop hole and never escape from it. I'm not talking get a haircut or go for a walk. I'm talking EXPLORE! Go see the world, meet new people. If you're introverted and shy find ways to get out there and express yourself. If you're obese and have been for years, make a commitment and stick with it! Forever. If you suffer from addiction or depression, treat it as soon as possible and root out the causes of your problems. Ever since my BU i've been working out every other day. It's been 8 months now. My skin is glowing, girls can't take their eyes off me. I love all this attention but it's a lifetime commitment for me since she was the first woman I gave my heart to...not just my body. You shared a special moment with this person and getting dumped by someone you love is almost as painful as a death in the family. Trust me I know.

 

Embrace the pain

 

You're a human. You are imperfect. You will make mistakes. Your ex no matter what you think was a MISTAKE. Close the blinds and cry for days if you have do. Smoke pot, drink (in moderation), punch a llama. Idgaf what you do but do it! If you do not go through the mourning process it will delay the healing. You'll trick yourself into thinking that you're fine only to realize 6 months later after your 5th brandy that you're not over your ex.

 

Visualize success/NC

 

NC. Obvious one. Stick to it though. This means don't even dare to look at your ex's FB for even a second and think 'oh just this once'. Trust me you'll end up at square one every. single. time.

 

Apart from that think positive thoughts. Google images about how life is one big learning experience. What does not kill you will only make you stronger. This is the truth. When you start thinking about your ex. Just yell out loud NO! I'm better than this. I am the master of my mind and this thought is banished from my head.

 

I used to be a very weak person but only because of my ex. She was my kryptonite and now that I am systematically erasing her from my memory I am going back to my old, confident, positive ways. Every single one of you has the capacity to do the same and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

Anyways thanks for reading i'll keep updating this as I learn more. I know there are other 'how to guides' but imo the only true way to fully get over your ex is to learn/experience these things on your own.

 

God bless all of you and I hope you make the right choice next time.

[StringsAttached]

If a mod can change the title to how to get over your S/O it would be much appreciated. This is kind of like an epiphany for me and was excited to share.

[Hoosfoos]

Thank you. I needed this this morning.

[StringsAttached]

np i'm glad to help.

 

Edit - Since I can't edit this for some reason when I said smoke weed and drink I meant in moderation. Don't make it a habit. When you've tried everything else and need to get through the hour or day then go ahead and indulge. If you make anything a crutch while you're healing it will only delay the healing process!

[StringsAttached]

Just give me some of what you are on eh?

 

Aww I feel your pain. It's a process, trust me you'll go through the same thing and eventually feel better.

 

I'm not saying i'm 100% over her but i'm very close, only because I have had to change myself and embrace the pain.

[stillfiguringitallou]

I understand where you are coming from with this. However - calling your ex a mistake is still "letting yourself off the hook"

 

Very seldom in life do relationships end because of ONE persons faults. A breakup period is a time of reflection of ones self as well as the other person.

 

If you ever hope to have a healthy relationship it is wiser to looks at the full picture. What did you do that made this person feel treating you in such a way was okay? What made you feel the way they were treating you was acceptable.

 

Confidence without reflection is a false sense of confidence. If you don't correct the behaviors in yourself that led to the position you were in - you're likely to end up in a similar situation with a different person

 

I agree with what you have said here - and viewing the ex as a mistake works in the getting over it part - but you're never really over it until you can move on.

 

And sometimes - we find that when we look deep - our ex may not have been the mistake - we just may not have been healthy enough ourselves for a mature relationship.

[StringsAttached]

I understand where you are coming from with this. However - calling your ex a mistake is still "letting yourself off the hook"

 

Very seldom in life do relationships end because of ONE persons faults. A breakup period is a time of reflection of ones self as well as the other person.

 

If you ever hope to have a healthy relationship it is wiser to looks at the full picture. What did you do that made this person feel treating you in such a way was okay? What made you feel the way they were treating you was acceptable.

 

Confidence without reflection is a false sense of confidence. If you don't correct the behaviors in yourself that led to the position you were in - you're likely to end up in a similar situation with a different person

 

I agree with what you have said here - and viewing the ex as a mistake works in the getting over it part - but you're never really over it until you can move on.

 

And sometimes - we find that when we look deep - our ex may not have been the mistake - we just may not have been healthy enough ourselves for a mature relationship.

 

Thank you, you're absolutely correct. For the initial stages however I feel it's healthy to view your ex as a mistake, it will lessen the pain and gradually overtime (if you haven't received closure) either you'll be at a point where you don't care about it anymore or you'll find out on your own and then can you accept the relationship was your fault too.

 

Thanks for the input.

[Insanityisdoingsame]

Strings-attached all those example you gave totally work ESPECIALLY the working out/ gym part. The gym and getting ripped probably contributes to about 30% of my healing process.

 

I want to share one more aspect that has helped me tremendously ..friends and family! I am 3 months NC and the first 2 1/2 months were horrible. All i wanted to do was lay on the couch all day watch Netflix and think about my ex. This past 2 weeks I have been chilling with my family, doing simple things like play poker or xbox or going to the park to shoot hoops. I am a only child but feel so blessed to have my cousins and can honestly say when I am hanging out with them, my ex doesn't occupy the farthest corner of my thoughts. She is GONE!

 

Except now she does come back , its 11am on a monday, my cousins are back ay school. I just woke up and since she popped back on my mind, here I am on LS lol.

 

Besides family, friends or "a friend" can help a lot too. I dated my ex for about 2 1/2 years and during that time pushed away all of my friends. I now currently only have 1 friend left. This can be difficult to cope , but thankfully the one friend who was willing to rekindle our bromance was my old best friend. This past 2 weeks we went to 2 concerts, got bottle service at a show where lil john was DJ"ing and he came over for a huge Superbowl party my family had yesterday. When we chill this also had the same effect as with family. The thoughts about my ex were completely gone cause we just had too manny other things to talk about or do.

 

Right now I"ll probably be lurking on LS for a bit to calm my racing thoughts cause I am alone. But thats okay its all part of the process..

[StringsAttached]

Strings-attached all those example you gave totally work ESPECIALLY the working out/ gym part. The gym and getting ripped probably contributes to about 30% of my healing process.

 

I want to share one more aspect that has helped me tremendously ..friends and family! I am 3 months NC and the first 2 1/2 months were horrible. All i wanted to do was lay on the couch all day watch Netflix and think about my ex. This past 2 weeks I have been chilling with my family, doing simple things like play poker or xbox or going to the park to shoot hoops. I am a only child but feel so blessed to have my cousins and can honestly say when I am hanging out with them, my ex doesn't occupy the farthest corner of my thoughts. She is GONE!

 

Except now she does come back , its 11am on a monday, my cousins are back ay school. I just woke up and since she popped back on my mind, here I am on LS lol.

 

Besides family, friends or "a friend" can help a lot too. I dated my ex for about 2 1/2 years and during that time pushed away all of my friends. I now currently only have 1 friend left. This can be difficult to cope , but thankfully the one friend who was willing to rekindle our bromance was my old best friend. This past 2 weeks we went to 2 concerts, got bottle service at a show where lil john was DJ"ing and he came over for a huge Superbowl party my family had yesterday. When we chill this also had the same effect as with family. The thoughts about my ex were completely gone cause we just had too manny other things to talk about or do.

 

Right now I"ll probably be lurking on LS for a bit to calm my racing thoughts cause I am alone. But thats okay its all part of the process..

 

Yes! family and friends are there to help bro, i'm glad you brought that up and i'm really happy you've made tremendous progress.

 

My situation is the same I invested so much time into the relationship all my friends moved on or I just dropped contact with them. Since then i've gotten in touch with the old broskies and it's much, much better now.

 

Thanks for your input and sharing your story.

[Tripz]

Interesting that you use the word Kryptonite in that context, Strings.... I feel the same way, but have never made the correlation to Kryptonite. I have always felt like my wife has held me back. Not anything immediately noticeable, but over time, I can moments along our 23 years together, where I should have taken more risks, but didn't. I just figured it was due to my being afraid to fail at things, thus dragging her down with me. But, I think it's actually something deeper. She only just moved out last Friday, but it's been 60 days of knowing we are divorcing. I am slowly coming out of the stages of grief cloud and self pity party. What I am starting to see are age old feelings that I used to have when I still believed the world was ripe for my picking. At 47, it's a little more scary than when I was 24, but exciting nonetheless.

 

Kryptonite...Good food for thought there....

[StringsAttached]

Interesting that you use the word Kryptonite in that context, Strings.... I feel the same way, but have never made the correlation to Kryptonite. I have always felt like my wife has held me back. Not anything immediately noticeable, but over time, I can moments along our 23 years together, where I should have taken more risks, but didn't. I just figured it was due to my being afraid to fail at things, thus dragging her down with me. But, I think it's actually something deeper. She only just moved out last Friday, but it's been 60 days of knowing we are divorcing. I am slowly coming out of the stages of grief cloud and self pity party. What I am starting to see are age old feelings that I used to have when I still believed the world was ripe for my picking. At 47, it's a little more scary than when I was 24, but exciting nonetheless.

 

Kryptonite...Good food for thought there....

 

Yes my friend, I know it sounds sad that we use others to find happiness but I guess when you really love someone you can't picture your life without them. Life is just one big lesson you know? It may seem as if we'll never be happy again but when you really think about it, how did you meet your ex? Probably at a time when you felt really good about yourself right?

 

Feel good about yourself again and you'll find someone better and this time taking into account what made your last relationship a bust.

 

All the best and thank you for sharing bud, hope you feel better.

[siochana]

Yes my friend, I know it sounds sad that we use others to find happiness but I guess when you really love someone you can't picture your life without them. Life is just one big lesson you know? It may seem as if we'll never be happy again but when you really think about it, how did you meet your ex? Probably at a time when you felt really good about yourself right?

 

Feel good about yourself again and you'll find someone better and this time taking into account what made your last relationship a bust.

 

All the best and thank you for sharing bud, hope you feel better.

 

 

You might not find someone better.

 

 

There is no guarantee of that. Especially, as you get older.

[StringsAttached]

You might not find someone better.

 

 

There is no guarantee of that. Especially, as you get older.

 

That mindset.