INTJ Insight? Dealing with lack of closure?

[EnigmaWolf92]

I've been over my breakup for a while now but it still seems like the tape still runs in my head to an extent. The problem is I can't seem to get anything to make sense and my brain seems to treat that as an excuse to make things into a puzzle and come back to them every night if not more. I was hoping maybe there was some sort of trick to kicking this that I'm missing other then time. It's been a good 3 months or more give or take.

[Thamesz]

Hey there!

 

I've been through the same as you twice, broken up without any real closure or reason. I know it's tough to get your mind off it, especially at night. Thing is, you need to twist the way you look at it. Instead of thinking about him or her and going on a downward spiral with negative thoughts, try and remember the good times and just be grateful for them. Whenever you find yourself trapped in your own mind, consciously remind yourself to just STOP. Overthinking will never solve anything, and it will most likely just lead to you being sad and missing your old partner.

 

So, my advice would be next time you start thinking about it, focus on some happy memories you've had, take a second to let it sink in and then stop your thinking with a feeling of gratitude and happiness.

 

I'm not sure if I was of any help, but I wish you the best of luck!

[EnigmaWolf92]

It's not so much negative thoughts. It's just thoughts in general breaking things down piece by piece when its not needed. things said or did motives, patterns, parts of character just over analytical. ex) "Did I portray a true version of my self and give it my all or did i adopt some elements that were not really me. fakeness vs true self." all sorts of things. and trying to make sense of things that cant be made sense of.

 

I guess what I stated kinda falls into what your saying. I will give that a try thanks. I spend a lot of time trying to tell myself to stop the thought process in general. It seems my mind thinks its a game sometimes to bring it up when I have nothing to focus on but trying to sleep.

Edited January 3, 2014 by EnigmaWolf92

[Thamesz]

Those thoughts should be left in the past together with your actions. There's really no use in thinking about what could have happened if this or that.

 

I know what it feels like to have an overoccupied mind, but maybe you could also look forward to things that you would like to happen in the future instead of pondering about the past?

[EnigmaWolf92]

Yeah i try to. I guess the main problem is kicking the thoughts. Right now I'm in a transitioning phase of life I guess (then again who isn't really) I'll have my Bachelors Degree in Business in like eight months. I'm looking into being an Officer in the Navy. I'm exploring new things. Ways of thinking world views ect. So I'd think all that would be enough to keep my mind right. Just sometimes it wanders. I guess I really need to get better at finding satisfaction in the now. I look at my future and see a great career path potentially. As far as relationships I just don't see it happening and it bums me out from time to time but seems like that's getting into a whole different topic. It's like I know what I want I've had it and lost it. The not dwelling on it all is what gets the mind.

[Coping17]

In my past relationships I was always seeking closure. That one talk with that special someone that would make sense of it all. The fact is that person breaking up with you is the one you are allowing to hurt you, it's kind of funny that you expect them to make it better. People tend to be less than honest with their reasoning or only give you half of the story. Your closure should be the relationship has ended. You can try analyze it but you will never be certain of what is going through another persons head. The only thing you can do is accept that it has ended and you need to move forward with your life.

Hope that helps.