I am unable to cope!

[bob the brave]

You can see from past threads if you dare, I am not able to heal this wound.

 

Me and another guy liked the same girl. After asking my height (5'9" she is 5'7") she runs from me, makes short jokes and makes fun of the fact that I liked her. That hurt, but I took in stride, was still nice and not mad, but distanced myself appropriately.

 

Then she hooked up with a married guy at work with 2 little girls. He has no education, minimum wage job, drinks heavily and cheats on his wife all the while lying to his wife while braiging to coworkers. She knew all of this. After they hooked up, he came to me in private and said, "I ****** her and there is nothing you can do about it." just to stroke his ego. Then some time later, she gets hurt by this guy and comes running to me wanting to know if I still cared for her? She is serious. I was hurt and felt a girl like this was no good, so I said no. She was very hurt and wouldn't speak to me all the next day.

 

Now, 2 years later I still hurt terribly every day, yes 2 years! I work with both of these people. I haven't spoken to either one in a year and I beat up the player for what he said and got in trouble with HR (nothing bad, he bullied me a lot too, I just needed him to backoff and this was the only way). He is now divorced with a new gf and the girl has been married to another guy for a year now and they are expceting their first child. She met him within a month of me rejecting her and they married only 5 moths later.

 

She used to say I was a 'good' guy and we would laugh for hours. Now everyone at work thinks I am psycho. She thinks I am the bad guy. I want to talk to her only to help her understand. She doesn't know what the player said to me, she doesn't undertand the context.

 

I have tried to bury this unsuccessfully. I have tried councelling unsuccessfully. I have been rejected before without issue, but for some reason this is killing me even two years later and I fear always will. Do you think talking to her is ok? I know it hurt her that I quit speaking to her and she dosen't know why. I don't want her to care for me, nor be friends, nor interfere in her life or disrespect her (I have done that enough thruogh silence). I just think her understanding my actions, her actions may help ease my pain and let me find peace. I think it may help her as well. I know she is not proud of some of the choices she made, although her current marriage seems good and for that I am happy for her.

 

What do you think? Am I just nuts? Everyone tells me not to talk to her, but it is the only way I believe I can find peace with myself.

Edited December 24, 2013 by bob the brave

[lil hoodlum]

I say you should do what your heart is telling you. If you think that talking to her may help bring some peace into your life about this, then do it.

 

It may not work out as you may have hoped for, but at least you tried to do what you thought is the right thing to do.

 

Takes a pretty big man (or woman) to do what they think is right.

[robbysurfs]

Hey bud, I would honestly leave it alone and ask yourself why does this bother you so much? All that stuff she did to you has got nothing to do with you really its her problem. One time this guy asked me hey do you go over to this hangout I said no because I dont like this one she bothers me and I dont like that he bothers me. He said to me you have to thank those people because its shows you something about yourself its not there problem its your problem there ok with being ...holes. Thank her and keep it moving....