So my ex is a Narcissist after all...

[Ethereal]

The Three Phases of A Narcissistic Relationship Cycle: Over-Evaluation, Devaluation, Discard - Esteemology

 

I just read this article and I feel utterly sick.

 

Those three stages describe the relationship I had with my ex to a tee. If only I saw this early when I was in the first stage so I could have got out as fast as possible.

 

I feel like getting in touch with his new girlfriend to warn her, I honestly do, but I know she will just think I'm jealous... I feel for the poor girl.

 

That POS shouldn't be allowed to get away with this...

[Logan oO]

The

 

Three Phases of A Narcissistic Relationship Cycle: Over-Evaluation, Devaluation, Discard - Esteemology

 

I just read this article and I feel utterly sick.

 

Those three stages describe the relationship I had with my ex to a tee. If only I saw this early when I was in the first stage so I could have got out as fast as possible.

 

I feel like getting in touch with his new girlfriend to warn her, I honestly do, but I know she will just think I'm jealous... I feel for the poor girl.

 

That POS shouldn't be allowed to get away with this...

 

 

Why bother? So, if you prevent this girl from making the mistake, what about the next, and the next? Are you really willing to dedicate your life to trying to interfere in that piece of trash's life?

 

Or perhaps you should count your lucky stars, you are out of that relationship and can see him for what he is, and look forward not back!

 

'When Life gives you Lemons!, Say 'F**k' the Lemons and Bail!'

[elbe]

I feel like that can describe lots of relationships.. First you love them so much, then you relax a little and true banter erupts periodically, finally you realize you weren't right for each other.

 

Either way, you need to let that new relationship run its course. You don't want to come off as crazy ex girlfriend.

[FrostBlaze]

It's sad how all that is very similar to what i went through...similar but not the same.

She did show what seemed like remorse and was sorry for sortof putting me through it.

Well, damn, a lot of odd people in this world, sorry for you.

ANd what the poster above said, maybe you can STOP this girl, but you can't stop them all.

 

Then again you probably won't achieve nothing even if you tried.

They will probably be like "that's just the jealous x-girlfriend interfering, i won't listen to her" :\.

[Ethereal]

Haha yes, of course you're right guys. I will NOT do something as silly as message his new girl and warn her.

 

Best to just be glad he's out of MY life now. Phew!

 

And at least I know the signs to look for future Narcissists.

[Logan oO]

Haha yes, of course you're right guys. I will NOT do something as silly as message his new girl and warn her.

 

Best to just be glad he's out of MY life now. Phew!

 

And at least I know the signs to look for future Narcissists.

 

Don't go forwards, whilst walking backwards...

 

Just because people can have issues, doesn't mean before you get close to anyone you need to psycho analyze them beforehand. Just look at it as a learning curve. you won't need to 'look out' for anything, because your mind and body will notice things like that naturally.

 

Actively looking for problems can prevent you actually finding happiness in the long run, it's like comparing the new partner to the old one, you just don't do it. Every relationship is different.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

I had one of this unfortunately had a child by him exactly the same behaviour, finally walked away and to this day he sniffs around...

 

Walk away, keep your head high, he will make a return because these people don't like being rejected...

 

You will get over his. Unfortunately it has left me a little scarred but time is the greatest healer x

[Ethereal]

Walk away, keep your head high, he will make a return because these people don't like being rejected...

 

In the beginning I liked it when he came running back. He did twice in our on-and-off 2 year relationship. I thought he always came back because he realised he loved me, but I know now that's not the case. I blocked his number yesterday. It's just got to the point where I DON'T want to hear from him ever again. He's so messed up. He has been switching between me and two other women the last 2 years for his 'supply'. I want that toxic out my life.

Edited November 29, 2013 by Ethereal

[Meadowgreen]

In the beginning I liked it when he came running back. He did twice in our on-and-off 2 year relationship. I thought he always came back because he realised he loved me, but I know now that's not the case. I blocked his number yesterday. It's just got to the point where I DON'T want to hear from him ever again. He's so messed up. He has been switching between me and two other women the last 2 years for his 'supply'. I want that toxic out my life.

 

Thank you for sharing this article. It pretty much described to a tee how it went down between me and a guy from my past, and helped me understand that there's nothing I could've done or said differently to change the course of events.

 

When we met, I was the best thing since sliced bread. He flirted with me constantly, told me how beautiful I was and latched onto things I was interested in like animation and medieval history. He had a girlfriend (and this other girl lingered in the wings waiting for him to ditch the crazy wench he was with) so we never hooked up, but I wanted him and I know he got off on that. I listened to his problems, made him laugh and picked him up whenever witchface pulled him to pieces and made him feel like crap (which was pretty much every day).

 

He was addicted to my friendship and utterly dependent on me for support and emotional closeness. He called me his 'angel' and was very protective of me (now I know this was some weird Madonna/Whore complex narcissists tend to have when they put good girls on some purity pedestal, you can read more on that here) He even said to me one night, when he was drunk (and I was sober) 'I know we were together in a past life, and I know that if I left Jennifer for you, we'd be together forever, and that terrifies me. But I love you...I really do'. (I read this bull**** back to myself and it makes me want to barf forever)

 

When I finally told him 'listen, things can't go on like this, pretending we're just friends. I think I'm falling for you' I essentially took his control away, and he became cold and distant towards me. He even made cruel remarks behind my back that I was obsessed with him, and I'd never been so embarrassed. His crank girlfriend had always hated me and threatened to 'lock me in the store (we worked at) and burn it to the ground' I look back on it then and wonder just how much this guy contributed to her crazy.

 

Shortly after, I left NYC and returned to my home country of England, my heart in ribbons. I moved on with my life, moved to Canada to work temporarily and who do you think pops up in my inbox apologising for being a massive t*** and telling me how if 'circumstances had been different we could've been together'....REALLY? You drifted down from your ivory tower to tell me this?

 

So yeah, comparing this to the article you shared, I'm pretty sure this dude's a narcissist. I've since moved back to England, got on with my life and found a wonderful man but I foolishy let this loser drift in and out as an online 'friend' because I was worried about him (he's a heavy cocaine user now) After recently going into hospital and not receiving so much as a text from him to check I was okay, I was like 'yknow what? I'm done.'

 

It's been almost two weeks since I dragged my drawbridge back up and put him in the NC zone, and i don't even think he cares, but whatever. I'm just glad to have that parasite out of my life for good.

 

Don't you just wish all narcissists came with a distinguishable body mark or something...or maybe a giant phallic horn growing out their heads to mark them for the massive tools they are?

Edited November 30, 2013 by Meadowgreen

[ponchsox]

Wow, this really hits home for me. My ex GF admitted she strung me along much like in phase 2 where the narcissist begins to distance themselves but they keep you along for their convenience. She contacted me and wanted to see me when she felt like it, not for any relationship.

 

It sucked getting blindsided, hurt, and not getting closure but it was valuable experience to take into my next relationship. First sign of a narcissist next time and I'm gone.

[Tony T]

I just read this article and I feel utterly sick.

 

Those three stages describe the relationship I had with my ex to a tee. If only I saw this early when I was in the first stage so I could have got out as fast as possible.

 

I feel like getting in touch with his new girlfriend to warn her, I honestly do, but I know she will just think I'm jealous... I feel for the poor girl.

 

That POS shouldn't be allowed to get away with this...

 

Consider yourself extremely lucky to be out of this. If he is indeed a narcissist, breaking up with those is VERY hard to do. They are extremely reluctant to leave a relationship where they are getting all of their narcissistic supply.

 

To be in a relationship with a narcissist, you have to be a phenomenal giver and have poor boundaries. Work on this. Giving is fine but if you're not getting much, if anything, in return it's not fun and narcissists seldom if ever believe in reciprocity.

 

Well, you've read all about them and I don't need to go over all the advantages of getting away from one here. However, I know it still hurts and it could take some time to get over it. But be joyous in the process and pray that you never, ever encounter one again. However, don't be too sensitive to the danger signs next time because there are absolutely good people who have some of the characteristics some of the time.

[Ethereal]

Wow, great story Meadowgreen.

 

Agreed. It would save us a lot of pain if Narcissists all had a body mark or a horn growing from their head.

 

However, I think after my experience with my ex it hopefully shouldn't be too difficult to spot a Narcissist. There were some shocking red flags on our first date that I shouldn't have ignored. He was far too keen too soon. I remember being slightly freaked out by him but I was going through a tough time when I met him. I was vulnerable and went along with it. He swept me off my feet and I ended up falling for him hard, so yes, it hit me like a ton of bricks when he did a 180.

 

Never again will I give the time of day to a man who is too keen too soon. I'm definitely going to trust the 'cooler' guy more, and get to know them as a person and friend for a long time before jumping into an intimate relationship with them!

[Ethereal]

Consider yourself extremely lucky to be out of this. If he is indeed a narcissist, breaking up with those is VERY hard to do. They are extremely reluctant to leave a relationship where they are getting all of their narcissistic supply.

 

To be in a relationship with a narcissist, you have to be a phenomenal giver and have poor boundaries. Work on this. Giving is fine but if you're not getting much, if anything, in return it's not fun and narcissists seldom if ever believe in reciprocity.

 

Well, you've read all about them and I don't need to go over all the advantages of getting away from one here. However, I know it still hurts and it could take some time to get over it. But be joyous in the process and pray that you never, ever encounter one again. However, don't be too sensitive to the danger signs next time because there are absolutely good people who have some of the characteristics some of the time.

 

Thank you for the great advice.

 

I did dump my Narc, and wow, it was so hard. He was treating me so poorly and I was the one 'giving' all the time so I had to end it, even though I loved him. Weeks before I decided to end it, I asked him if he wanted to, and he was like 'No, no, not at all.' He wouldn't dump me, so I had to end it.

 

I'm proud I had the strength to do it, but I did make the mistake of pestering him for answers post BU to try and find out what I did wrong to make him turn so cold. Now I know he is a Narcissist and there was NOTHING I did wrong.

 

I have blocked the toxic POS out my life now. His number, emails, the lot. Before I did though I sent him an angry text telling him exactly what I thought of him. I just wanted to make sure he knows I hate him and therefore will NEVER dream of running back to me again for supply. Do narcs leave you alone forever once they know you hate them? I hope so. The thought of him contacting me through another number or email makes my skin crawl.

Edited November 30, 2013 by Ethereal

[Meadowgreen]

I think after my experience with my ex it hopefully shouldn't be too difficult to spot a Narcissist. There were some shocking red flags on our first date that I shouldn't have ignored. He was far too keen too soon. I remember being slightly freaked out by him but I was going through a tough time when I met him. I was vulnerable and went along with it. He swept me off my feet and I ended up falling for him hard, so yes, it hit me like a ton of bricks when he did a 180.

 

Never again will I give the time of day to a man who is too keen too soon. I'm definitely going to trust the 'cooler' guy more, and get to know them as a person and friend for a long time before jumping into an intimate relationship with them!

 

See, if there's a silver lining in all of this, he's taught you some very valuable lessons which will only lead you to a guy much more worthy of your love and attention. Please don't feel bad for missing the red flags, how on earth could you ever be prepared for them?

 

You should be very proud. Sounds to me like you've emerged from this as a much stronger, happier, self-respecting lady

[Meadowgreen]

Thank you for the great advice.

 

I did dump my Narc, and wow, it was so hard. He was treating me so poorly and I was the one 'giving' all the time so I had to end it, even though I loved him. Weeks before I decided to end it, I asked him if he wanted to, and he was like 'No, no, not at all.' He wouldn't dump me, so I had to end it.

 

I'm proud I had the strength to do it, but I did make the mistake of pestering him for answers post BU to try and find out what I did wrong to make him turn so cold. Now I know he is a Narcissist and there was NOTHING I did wrong.

 

I have blocked the toxic POS out my life now. His number, emails, the lot. Before I did though I sent him an angry text telling him exactly what I thought of him. I just wanted to make sure he knows I hate him and therefore will NEVER dream of running back to me again for supply. Do narcs leave you alone forever once they know you hate them? I hope so. The thought of him contacting me through another number or email makes my skin crawl.

 

YOU ROCK!! Well done, girl!

[Ethereal]

I have been doing a lot of soul searching since breaking up with my ex and I recently found out he is a Narcissist. I've now blocked his number, emails, the lot.

 

Before I did though I sent him an angry text telling him exactly what I thought of him. I was just so disgusted with him (he jumped into a relationship with an ex he previously told me meant nothing to him the SAME day we broke up. The man just cannot be alone and probably hasn't been single for a month in the last 8 years) and I wanted to make sure he knows I hate him so he would never dream of running back to me again for supply. He came running back to me twice during our on-and-off 2 year relationship but I never blocked him then and I never showed him I hated him.

 

Do Narcs leave you alone forever once they know you hate them? I hope so. The thought of him contacting me through another number or email makes my skin crawl.

Edited November 30, 2013 by Ethereal

[elbe]

Do Narcs leave you alone forever once they know you hate them? I hope so. The thought of him contacting me through another number or email makes my skin crawl.

 

Sadly, this guy sounds like he will try his luck with you again in a year or so after his ex-girlfriend gets sick of him again. Psychology isn't an exact science and even if this guy is a narcissist he may also be a sociopath or he may have any other number of ailments.

 

Just gotta get the guy out of your mind and if he does come back tell him to get lost.

[Just smile]

They always come back. As long as we allow it, they do come back. Especially if the other person isn't fulfilling his need to boost his ego.

 

My ex constantly comes back, every single time. He finds it very intriguing when he feels I've moved on, especially if I seem happy or not interested, more so, if I do not contact or remain NC. It's intriguing. They always come back. For me sometimes it's been, 3 days, 2 weeks, but never more than that... If I could remain no contact and cut the guy out of my life like a tumor I often wonder how great my life would be now, instead of in the cycle of sadness and misery that I'm perpetually in.

[mandyxo]

How do you know if someone is a narcissist. I'm pretty sure my ex is one.

[Am4Real]

Unless he was diagnosed as a narcissist you have no idea what his mental capacities or illnesses are. However in looking at behaviors, he does sound co-dependent. At least you describe him as filling his bouts of loneliness with a partner and never being alone. Did he feel alone when he was with you by chance? Did he ever mention it?

 

Back to your question, I beleive JUSTSMILE summed it up well as stated:

 

As long as we allow it, they do come back. Especially if the other person isn't fulfilling his need to boost his ego

[elbe]

How do you know if someone is a narcissist. I'm pretty sure my ex is one.

 

This has been floating around the forum lately: The Three Phases of A Narcissistic Relationship Cycle: Over-Evaluation, Devaluation, Discard - Esteemology

[Buck Turgidson]

Do Narcs leave you alone forever once they know you hate them? I hope so. The thought of him contacting me through another number or email makes my skin crawl.

 

If he's really NPD, and not just narcissistic, then you letting him know you hate him is not in your best interest. NPDs don't care about what you think (or, more accurately, don't recognize that you think or feel at all, separate from their own emotions). All they care about is attention, or Narcissistic Supply. By telling him you hate him, you have confirmed for him that he is the center of your world and reflected back at him his own hatred of himself, which is exactly what he needs and expects.

 

At this stage, what you want him to know is how indifferent, not hateful, you are towards him, mainly by maintaining NC and moving on with your life. As long as you try to make emotional connections with him, loving or hating, you're providing him with Supply and confirming for him that the world, your world, revolves around him.

[Am4Real]

How do you know? I don’t that’s for sure…

 

Unless someone is a psychologist or licensed mental health professional they are not likely qualified to interview and assess the patient/subject nor fully interpret the latest version of the DSM to diagnose correctly.

 

Narcissism is an overlay term, by-the-way, there are many particular forms of the behavior disorder with very specific focuses.

 

Narcissism shares behavior traits with other mental illnesses and behavior shortcomings and can be mistaken for other disorders or underlying conditions according to popular research.

 

Generally though, calling an EX a narcissist is popular terminology from DUMPEES on LS, when in fact there could be many reasons the other person was behaving a certain way including actions by the dumpee themselves.

 

In simple terms, narcissism is defined as: people have an inflated sense of their own importance and a deep need for admiration…

 

My last boss fit that description every time we had a Board meeting and she definitely did not resemble or act in anyway associated with this behavior disorder – she just liked being the boss, LOL.

 

In my opinion and not necessarily that of the OP, the term is over used by DUMPEES as a way to say their EX is not in line with normal expectations.

 

 

How do you know if someone is a narcissist. I'm pretty sure my ex is one.

[stillafool]

I have been doing a lot of soul searching since breaking up with my ex and I recently found out he is a Narcissist. I've now blocked his number, emails, the lot.

 

Before I did though I sent him an angry text telling him exactly what I thought of him. I was just so disgusted with him (he jumped into a relationship with an ex he previously told me meant nothing to him the SAME day we broke up. The man just cannot be alone and probably hasn't been single for a month in the last 8 years) and I wanted to make sure he knows I hate him so he would never dream of running back to me again for supply. He came running back to me twice during our on-and-off 2 year relationship but I never blocked him then and I never showed him I hated him.

 

Do Narcs leave you alone forever once they know you hate them? I hope so. The thought of him contacting me through another number or email makes my skin crawl.

 

Well from my experience they move on because they need someone to admire and look up to them. An ex normally knows who they are and does not look at them adoringly (which is something they need.). A new woman will not know his history and will give him the admiration he desperately desires.

[ponchsox]

This article makes a lot of sense for me why I broke up with my Ex GF at the end of phase 1 and the beginning of phase 2. Since she's a narcissist, she cried and boo hood until I came back to her. The next year she had me locked in phase 2 and I was very unhappy. When she broke up with me, totally different tone and demeanor she had when I dumped her. By the end, she got what she wanted out of me, crumpled me up, and threw me out the window like a piece of trash.