Serial short term lover!

[L1ght]

I've changed. I'm like a robot, emotionless(on the outside), un-open, closed off, unreachable. I'm not sad but I've lost a part of myself that I really enjoyed embracing when I was in my last relationship. I embraced being open and willing to give and receive love, I completely let myself go and along with this my expression and creativity was better than its ever been in my life.

 

 

Breaking up was not easy for me, coping with the breakup was gut wrenching to say the least but I survived and I live to fight another day. It's about 1+1/3 years since I last spoke to her and in this time I have completely lost track of time and how quickly its gone. I'm over the pain but I'm still not ready to get serious with anyone yet....I mean how could I be? I put my heart and soul and everything I had into being with this person and it wasn't good enough. Going through that process again is the last thing that's on my mind.....starting fresh, getting to know someone, becoming close, learning about them, getting closer, becoming more intimate, sharing, connecting, growing together, caring for each other etc etc etc. Then the friction sets in, tension grows as the relationship becomes more real and difficult, arguments and fighting, crying, shouting and stress, heartache and pain, confusion and games.....then you reach a point where you either resolve your issues or go your separate ways.

 

 

Its like whats the point? I think I might become a serial short term lover. Stay with a woman up until the point where I feel the initial excitement and buzz is gone because quite frankly after that relationships are not worth the effort or trouble cos it always ends badly and I simply don't need that crap in my life.

 

 

So heres to me and my new direction in life!

I will become a serial short term lover and I will embrace this until a lady comes into my life who manages to convince me that she is worth the time and effort but the chances are that aint gonna happen as women always end up causing problems for me at some point along the road

I predict a long line of broken hearts as I walk down my new path but so what? Love is just a game and the longer it goes on the more chance there is of someone sucking the life out of you before you even see it coming. Good riddance to that.

Edited November 25, 2013 by L1ght

[Stay]

I gotta say I'm like you. I don't wanna hurt anyone and I really want someone to love, very hopeless romantic. I was seriously hurt by my ex like never before, I knew what I had and loved it very much but didn't think i'll lose it. I thought she was in it like I was and had the fight in her like I did but unfortunately as we reached 7 years she decided to seek others. I'm extremely hurt/sad/angry at this as I gave it everything I had, told myself this could be a good thing just don't give up. No matter how much I tried in the end it didn't matter.

 

Now I don't want to go down this route but I feel like I am going to, I've talked to other girls and as much as I really liked it and enjoyed talking to them. We eventually parted and stopped, I thought I was going to be sad but wow I was glad more than sad. I've been lucky to not have to break the news that I didn't want to talk to them anymore but I hope I don't hurt anyone by doing that down the line. As much as I'm afraid of committing myself again I really want that somebody, I miss that very much. I miss seeing the future together and be together to take on anything we want. I miss the "we"

 

 

On top of that it's a very complicated moment for me right now as I haven't been thinking about her until recently when I had an encounter with her and she repeatedly said, "I miss you" more times than I would remember. I have a feeling she finally realizes that what she had was good and things aren't so good for her right now. It kills me wondering what she's feeling.

Edited November 25, 2013 by Stay

[AnyaNova]

WTF? Seriously?

 

Okay.

 

I understand you've been hurt. Most of us here, have been. Most of us here put our hearts on the line, and got seriously burned.

 

Now.

 

I have no problem with taking a very laid back approach to the whole dating thing until you are really ready to trust again. But be upfront and don't get into any committed relationships. Make sure any women you are with know that you are just not available for that.

 

But that comment about leaving a line of broken hearts??????

 

Seriously. So, because one woman hurt you badly, you are going to turn around, in what is essentially a ****-them sort of vengeance, and hurt as many women as you can?

 

Dude.

 

You have a choice.

 

You can learn, grow, and become the better person that the partner you will be with at some point will want you to be, and that you want yourself to be, or you can become the bitter and angry cynic who proves to his ex that she was right to dump him.

 

The fundamental question is,

 

"Who do you want to be?. Who do you want to be?"

 

But I know this, I don't care how badly your heart got decimated. Guess what, mine did too, but I'm not going on an evil manhunting break their hearts' rampage.

 

I hope I never meet you. Seriously. I hope I never meet someone whose fundamental philosophy in life when hurt, is to turn around and unleash all that pain on others, make them suffer because you got hurt.

 

You won't make your ex regret it by doing that. You won't actually solve any of your own pain that way. All you will do, is prolong it, and hurt many others in the process. And each time you hurt someone else, you will also damage your own self-esteem and integrity.

 

At least I can rest confidently that my ex is not doing this. He is a conscientious enough man, that he would never intentionally inflict his own pain onto someone else (in the unintentional realm, we have the whole of our failed relationship..but that, kids, is a story for another day). At least I know that he isn't setting out to deliberately hurt and use as many women as he can, just to attempt to make himself feel better (dude, it won't work anyway, it will just delay the pain!).

 

Think this through please. Use your pain positively, to grow, and prevent others from making the same mistakes you did. Don't use it destructively.

[Never Again]

AnyaNova,

 

This is pretty typical avoidance behavior, oddly enough.

 

Seek pleasure, avoid pain.

 

Many bitter or immature souls share this view. It's often held by those that believe:

 

- People just fall out of love. Seriously, it JUST happens.

- That it's better to dump than be dumped.

- Love is just a feeling. An emotion. Choice and work have nothing to do with it.

 

The general thought process is, "Why risk getting hurt?"

 

Serial monogamy loves the easy, breezy, fun fun fun.

 

I hope they never go through with it, but I can see the appeal in theory. After putting as much work into my previous relationship as I did, and taking a brief rest (and possibly taking her a little for granted )...why would I want to put in that kind of investment again?

 

It's much harder to keep to plans like this once other people actually become involved. Consciences and all that - at least, I hope.

[AnyaNova]

BTW- bonus points for anyone who can read through my previous post and name the scene, character, and television show I quoted in it. :-p

 

Just a bit of Easter Egg fun for the nerds--not though, that I didn't mean every word of that post, because,

 

I did!

 

@ Pfenixfire -- If you mean Avoidant, as in Avoidant Personality behavior, maybe perchance for men, and perhaps the 2nd type.

 

It seems that there are two types of Avoidants, those that did learn to trust because even in the ****storm there was one or more caring adults or others who the child could rely on, and those that didn't have anyone at all.

 

The first type learns to trust sparingly, carefully, and generally when we do, it is very deep and with extremely carefully vetted people.

 

The second type often, but not always, has difficulty reaching that level. Perhaps this sort of behavior is more characteristic of the second?

[JoelBarish]

Battlestar Galactica, Roslin, can't tell you the scene #

[AnyaNova]

Battlestar Galactica, Roslin, can't tell you the scene #

 

You're a sci-fi nerd too, huh? :-)

 

But anyway, back to the OP so we aren't derailing too badly, OP, come back to us. Think about it and answer the question of who you want to be?

 

bitter, cynical,vengeful dude?

 

or thoughtful, immensely powerful dude who lives, learns, grows, forgives, and goes on to find the best love of his life eventually without deadening his heart and hurting others?

[MoooOinkBaaa]

+1 for sci-fi

 

L1ght your post made made me laugh. here we have a guy missing everything you get in a relationship but claiming he will leave it once it hits a rough patch.

 

so what happens if you care about this person and fall for them? you'll go through the same thing. you won't just dump them and move on because then you have to do this AGAIN...

 

starting fresh, getting to know someone, becoming close, learning about them, getting closer, becoming more intimate, sharing, connecting, growing together, caring for each other etc etc etc.

 

PLUS once that occurs you won't want to lose them after you grow together and you'll stick it out until one of you eventually cracks and there you have your normal average relationship cycle again. you're just going in with a ****ty attitude but you'll end up in the same place anyways. how about waiting for the right person, attracting them with a positive attitude.

 

turn this negativity into something creative, i wrote a lot of music when i was with my ex. but i can use the new negative energy just as well as the positive for creativity. a lot of amazing art was created in pain. most comedians are actually depressed, Lee Evans suffers massive depression but he's hilarious and full of energy on stage.

 

you'll get sucked into the relationship no doubt about it. only way to avoid pain is not to be in one.

 

now someone guess my qoute

 

Oh! I haven't shown you a picture of my wife! Here she is, my angel. I tell people she actually looks like an angel, you see here? The white looks like a halo on her head. Can you see that? She's my angel, you're picking that up on your cameras there! They probably won't keep that in the film but..

 

*all being said I agree with the OP (except for dating) just because i'm broken too. , i might change my mind but right now i just want to be alone and write music. that's what i'm going to do until i'm old and die.

Edited November 26, 2013 by MoooOinkBaaa

[L1ght]

WTF? Seriously?

 

Okay.

 

I understand you've been hurt. Most of us here, have been. Most of us here put our hearts on the line, and got seriously burned.

 

Now.

 

I have no problem with taking a very laid back approach to the whole dating thing until you are really ready to trust again. But be upfront and don't get into any committed relationships. Make sure any women you are with know that you are just not available for that.

 

But that comment about leaving a line of broken hearts??????

 

Seriously. So, because one woman hurt you badly, you are going to turn around, in what is essentially a ****-them sort of vengeance, and hurt as many women as you can?

 

Dude.

 

You have a choice.

 

You can learn, grow, and become the better person that the partner you will be with at some point will want you to be, and that you want yourself to be, or you can become the bitter and angry cynic who proves to his ex that she was right to dump him.

 

The fundamental question is,

 

"Who do you want to be?. Who do you want to be?"

 

But I know this, I don't care how badly your heart got decimated. Guess what, mine did too, but I'm not going on an evil manhunting break their hearts' rampage.

 

I hope I never meet you. Seriously. I hope I never meet someone whose fundamental philosophy in life when hurt, is to turn around and unleash all that pain on others, make them suffer because you got hurt.

 

You won't make your ex regret it by doing that. You won't actually solve any of your own pain that way. All you will do, is prolong it, and hurt many others in the process. And each time you hurt someone else, you will also damage your own self-esteem and integrity.

 

At least I can rest confidently that my ex is not doing this. He is a conscientious enough man, that he would never intentionally inflict his own pain onto someone else (in the unintentional realm, we have the whole of our failed relationship..but that, kids, is a story for another day). At least I know that he isn't setting out to deliberately hurt and use as many women as he can, just to attempt to make himself feel better (dude, it won't work anyway, it will just delay the pain!).

 

Think this through please. Use your pain positively, to grow, and prevent others from making the same mistakes you did. Don't use it destructively.

The thing is Anya that I'm done.

I see things more clearly than I've ever seen them before. I know women, I understand them and I understand that eventually there will come a point where they cease to be fulfilled and satisfied by the things that I once used to do that would give them butterflies in their stomachs as they become smitten with me. They will cease to be drawn to me spiritually, emotionally and intellectually like they once were when we were in the process of falling into love with each other. Something always changes in a woman's psyche and they reach a point where they question everything(a little too much if you ask me) and put unnecessary extra strain on the relationship. Maybe it's just me? Maybe I'm the one who changes as I become worn down by the grind of committing myself to another human being or maybe I don't change enough because I'm happy with who I am while a woman simply becomes bored of it so she decides she wants a little extra adventure in her life or some new knight in shining armour to whisk her away into a far away land where everything is more beautiful and the grass is greener on the other side.

 

 

women simply change their minds too much and become too confused with the direction they want to take with me as we walk down our roads together(hormonal issues perhaps?) I mean I'm not the one who loses control of my state of mind periodically and generally I manage to keep control of my emotions as long as somebody isn't sniping away at them......women on the other hand lose it at the roll of a dice and have a tendency to throw that negativity out into the world seemingly unaware of the effect it can have on the people around them.

Tensions inevitably always arise because of the imbalance that will always occur in these circumstances when one partner is asking the other partner to be more accepting and forgiving than they are actually willing to be themselves.

 

 

It's my job to be forgiving and understanding and act as if everything is fine and dandy when actually you ladies are driving me nuts isn't it? Trust me when I tell you that I am saving everyone a world of pain and trouble by looking out for my own best interests from this day forward because if I stay with a woman for too long she will undoubtedly end up driving me up the wall.

I'm a great lover, I really am but I'm sick to death of it all crumbling into a million pieces after all the groundwork has been put into place so from now on I'm just gonna have fun with it. I will show the best sides of my expression and creativity with a girl right until the moment when the spark starts to fade.....that's the time for me to make a quick sharp exit and you better believe that I'm gonna sprint out of that door without looking back.

 

 

On a side note maybe a woman will come along who the spark doesn't begin to fade with but in my 32 years it hasn't happened yet so I aint holding out for it.

Edited November 26, 2013 by L1ght

[Never Again]

On a side note maybe a woman will come along who the spark doesn't begin to fade with but in my 32 years it hasn't happened yet so I aint holding out for it.

 

Never happens.

 

You could always, you know, be honest with these women before dating them.

 

"Hey, I'm not interested in anything serious. Let's just have fun and not look into building a commitment here, okay?"

 

Is that so hard to say?

[L1ght]

+1 for sci-fi

 

L1ght your post made made me laugh. here we have a guy missing everything you get in a relationship but claiming he will leave it once it hits a rough patch.

 

so what happens if you care about this person and fall for them? you'll go through the same thing. you won't just dump them and move on because then you have to do this AGAIN...

 

 

 

PLUS once that occurs you won't want to lose them after you grow together and you'll stick it out until one of you eventually cracks and there you have your normal average relationship cycle again. you're just going in with a ****ty attitude but you'll end up in the same place anyways. how about waiting for the right person, attracting them with a positive attitude.

 

turn this negativity into something creative, i wrote a lot of music when i was with my ex. but i can use the new negative energy just as well as the positive for creativity. a lot of amazing art was created in pain. most comedians are actually depressed, Lee Evans suffers massive depression but he's hilarious and full of energy on stage.

 

you'll get sucked into the relationship no doubt about it. only way to avoid pain is not to be in one.

 

now someone guess my qoute

 

 

 

*all being said I agree with the OP (except for dating) just because i'm broken too. , i might change my mind but right now i just want to be alone and write music. that's what i'm going to do until i'm old and die.

You're missing the point. I can be a very creative person but I havn't lifted a finger creatively in the last 1+1/3 years because I'm depleted, I'm on empty and my reserves have been sucked dry.......that's the whole point. My creative juices flow when I'm in a world of positivity, its just the way I am. Being a serial short term lover is perfect for me...I will stay until the buzz disappears then I'm out. I actually think its a great philosophy....the weak will be weeded out and the stronger ones will last.

[L1ght]

Never happens.

 

You could always, you know, be honest with these women before dating them.

 

"Hey, I'm not interested in anything serious. Let's just have fun and not look into building a commitment here, okay?"

 

Is that so hard to say?

That would just put doubt into a woman's mind and once doubt is in her mind she will start to question things too much. No thank you. Instead I will give her every opportunity to prove that she is worth staying with as I put my efforts into making it work......once she puts doubt in my mind I'm gone. I doubt she would do things any differently.

[radiodarcy]

That would just put doubt into a woman's mind and once doubt is in her mind she will start to question things too much. No thank you. Instead I will give her every opportunity to prove that she is worth staying with as I put my efforts into making it work......once she puts doubt in my mind I'm gone. I doubt she would do things any differently.

 

So essentially you want complete control over the situation?

 

I'm confused: are you looking to get into a short term relationship to blow off some steam and let whatever happens happen? Or are you using these STRs are a way of weeding out the serious women from the flaky ones?

 

As someone who has been in such STR -- I hung around hoping to get the relationship I wanted. It never happened - - and I was cruelly, unceremoniously dumped. Is that the ending your hoping for?

 

If so I'm not sure what you're trying to achieve. Yes, misery loves company but what you're proposing - - if I'm understanding you correctly - - sounds downright sadistic.

[L1ght]

So essentially you want complete control over the situation?

 

I'm confused: are you looking to get into a short term relationship to blow off some steam and let whatever happens happen? Or are you using these STRs are a way of weeding out the serious women from the flaky ones?

 

As someone who has been in such STR -- I hung around hoping to get the relationship I wanted. It never happened - - and I was cruelly, unceremoniously dumped. Is that the ending your hoping for?

 

If so I'm not sure what you're trying to achieve. Yes, misery loves company but what you're proposing - - if I'm understanding you correctly - - sounds downright sadistic.

I'm just getting out while the goings good. I think this is better than holding on for a world of pain.

My mind is made up and I look forward to it.

Couldn't care less if it offends you. Not you're life or problem so don't worry about it.

[mutualove]

I'm with you completely.You're doing the right thing.You see there was this girl that I worshiped,(thought) she was unique in every way,no one like her is out there,and she'd make me think and feel all kinds of this stuff and I was wow this one's the one to give my 100% and she wouldn't ever make me regret it.

Truth is I have a strong guard,and can well control my every need so I never had the urge to be in a relationship or "feed off" from someone else so to speak.I simply don't need it.But she brought out the best in me as I believed she deserved the best.But then she proved me wrong by walking out the door just like that.

I was and still am confused.But she had a big impact on me.I learned that I have to put myself first.Always.So I'm never going to give my 100% to anyone else again,I'm going to care less,do less good etc.I realized I've been too good to people,too good to her.So to make ME happy I'm going to step back.And it's really not my loss but others(label me selfish why not?),BUT I'm going to be happier now and that's what matters right?I lost a part of myself after what she did to me whether knowingly or not.But I'm not going to bounce back,and the "nicer" me is gone.I'm not going to give any other girl the treatment I gave her thanks to her(ironic thanks).

So OP I get it,I know what you're going through because it's the same for me.After all,what's the point in being the old self if you're going to get hurt in the end?

[ByMyself01]

I've changed. I'm like a robot, emotionless(on the outside), un-open, closed off, unreachable. I'm not sad but I've lost a part of myself that I really enjoyed embracing when I was in my last relationship. I embraced being open and willing to give and receive love, I completely let myself go and along with this my expression and creativity was better than its ever been in my life.

 

 

Breaking up was not easy for me, coping with the breakup was gut wrenching to say the least but I survived and I live to fight another day. It's about 1+1/3 years since I last spoke to her and in this time I have completely lost track of time and how quickly its gone. I'm over the pain but I'm still not ready to get serious with anyone yet....I mean how could I be? I put my heart and soul and everything I had into being with this person and it wasn't good enough. Going through that process again is the last thing that's on my mind.....starting fresh, getting to know someone, becoming close, learning about them, getting closer, becoming more intimate, sharing, connecting, growing together, caring for each other etc etc etc. Then the friction sets in, tension grows as the relationship becomes more real and difficult, arguments and fighting, crying, shouting and stress, heartache and pain, confusion and games.....then you reach a point where you either resolve your issues or go your separate ways.

 

 

Its like whats the point? I think I might become a serial short term lover. Stay with a woman up until the point where I feel the initial excitement and buzz is gone because quite frankly after that relationships are not worth the effort or trouble cos it always ends badly and I simply don't need that crap in my life.

 

 

So heres to me and my new direction in life!

I will become a serial short term lover and I will embrace this until a lady comes into my life who manages to convince me that she is worth the time and effort but the chances are that aint gonna happen as women always end up causing problems for me at some point along the road

I predict a long line of broken hearts as I walk down my new path but so what? Love is just a game and the longer it goes on the more chance there is of someone sucking the life out of you before you even see it coming. Good riddance to that.

 

Luckily, your post helped me to realize what my ex did to me. After the passion was gone, so was he. I believe is a short-term lover for all women and the only reason why he keeps going back to his ex is because she has a child with him and he can't get rid of her as easily since the family always have her around to be around the child. You post helped me figure it ALL out.

[AnyaNova]

I'm with you completely.You're doing the right thing.You see there was this girl that I worshiped,(thought) she was unique in every way,no one like her is out there,and she'd make me think and feel all kinds of this stuff and I was wow this one's the one to give my 100% and she wouldn't ever make me regret it.

Truth is I have a strong guard,and can well control my every need so I never had the urge to be in a relationship or "feed off" from someone else so to speak.I simply don't need it.But she brought out the best in me as I believed she deserved the best.But then she proved me wrong by walking out the door just like that.

I was and still am confused.But she had a big impact on me.I learned that I have to put myself first.Always.So I'm never going to give my 100% to anyone else again,I'm going to care less,do less good etc.I realized I've been too good to people,too good to her.So to make ME happy I'm going to step back.And it's really not my loss but others(label me selfish why not?),BUT I'm going to be happier now and that's what matters right?I lost a part of myself after what she did to me whether knowingly or not.But I'm not going to bounce back,and the "nicer" me is gone.I'm not going to give any other girl the treatment I gave her thanks to her(ironic thanks).

So OP I get it,I know what you're going through because it's the same for me.After all,what's the point in being the old self if you're going to get hurt in the end?

 

Okay. So your strategy. Stop giving as much in relationships, so that every woman you attempt a relationship with will sense that you're not in it, really, and leave anyway. You still get hurt.

 

Yes. If you put as much in to another relationship, you still may get hurt. But eventually, you won't, because you will have found the one who will stay with you and value you.

 

Yes. Right now while you are recovering, feel free to get times when you get angry, bitter, and cynical. Just don't stay there. Don't camp there. Don't build your cabin there.

 

Love, and finding someone to be with for the rest of your life is a serious risk and investment. The risk we take is the pain that we experience, and very well might experience again. The payoff, however, is a beautiful one, and worth it.

 

Be a better man. Don't spread pain and bitterness. I'm not saying don't feel pain and bitterness, we all do! But, just don't center your life around it.

 

In the end, do you want to be bitter, cynical, and loveless? Or joyful, happy, and love-filled (even if you never find a lifelong mate..you can still have these last three!)?

[L1ght]

Luckily, your post helped me to realize what my ex did to me. After the passion was gone, so was he. I believe is a short-term lover for all women and the only reason why he keeps going back to his ex is because she has a child with him and he can't get rid of her as easily since the family always have her around to be around the child. You post helped me figure it ALL out.

Well you would have to ask your ex if that's the reason he left but I can't say I blame you for allowing yourself to believe it if it helps you feel better.

See the thing is that a lot of time and effort has gone into my decision....what's best for me? how can I hold on to the positivity? how can I keep control of the emotional balance in the relationship? what won't I put up with anymore? where will I draw a line? when will I put my foot down instead of letting things slide? how can I keep focused on my goals and my own personal progression without being worn down by someone else's issues?

Honestly this is a really good move for me. I come first from now on and if my new partners don't like it then they will just have to deal with it and/or watch me focus my attention on something else.

I don't want/need to be dragged into someone else's world. I'm ready to focus on my world and achieve the things I want to achieve in life.

Love will be the place I turn to for inspiration and creativity. I'm never ever gonna let it get in the way of my dreams again.

Edited November 26, 2013 by L1ght

[mutualove]

Okay. So your strategy. Stop giving as much in relationships, so that every woman you attempt a relationship with will sense that you're not in it, really, and leave anyway. You still get hurt.

 

Yes. If you put as much in to another relationship, you still may get hurt. But eventually, you won't, because you will have found the one who will stay with you and value you.

 

Yes. Right now while you are recovering, feel free to get times when you get angry, bitter, and cynical. Just don't stay there. Don't camp there. Don't build your cabin there.

 

Love, and finding someone to be with for the rest of your life is a serious risk and investment. The risk we take is the pain that we experience, and very well might experience again. The payoff, however, is a beautiful one, and worth it.

 

Be a better man. Don't spread pain and bitterness. I'm not saying don't feel pain and bitterness, we all do! But, just don't center your life around it.

 

In the end, do you want to be bitter, cynical, and loveless? Or joyful, happy, and love-filled (even if you never find a lifelong mate..you can still have these last three!)?

 

I know about the risk know,but I know it's not worth it.Because every time you get hurt for no good reason,you give a part of self and don't get it back.In the end you given a lot of "you" to other people only to get hurt.I took the risk once,unfortunately it's not the kind of risk you can take over and over again.

 

Well,my strategy is to invest less in order to get hurt less.After all you never forget the first one I guess.There was no problem and she just couldn't handle more and left even though there was no problem between us.A good big part of me was taken away by her and I can't get it back.That's why I can't be same as before to anyone else.I'll be more cautious,therefore less niceness,therefore not like before.

 

 

So in hindsight I'm thinking maybe I was too nice and said too many nice things that I shouldn't have.What I'm saying is I'm not going the extra mile anymore with anyone because what she did left a permanent damage,plus don't think there's anyone worthy of that anymore anyways.

 

I honestly believed she was unique in every possible way(and even had told her that,a mistake I know) and this is coming from a guy who doesn't get close to people.She was the first one that I could feel that way with and I was kind of the same for her too,but look where that got me,with all the extra miles and whatnot.

 

So why bother?This way I wont get as much hurt and it should make me happier if I give less.I would've happily given my whole if I thought the other person was worthy of it,but with what I ended up with,now I realize it will just push them away instead of getting them closer and that NO ONE can handle that.

 

I'm not saying I'm going to become a manwhore and that I will sink into ONSs and random hook ups,never have,never will.That's just not who I am.I'm just going to give less when it comes to interactions with people or future RSs.

 

So that's how I probably know what the OP is going through and I've also made the same choice.

[L1ght]

I'm with you completely.You're doing the right thing.You see there was this girl that I worshiped,(thought) she was unique in every way,no one like her is out there,and she'd make me think and feel all kinds of this stuff and I was wow this one's the one to give my 100% and she wouldn't ever make me regret it.

Truth is I have a strong guard,and can well control my every need so I never had the urge to be in a relationship or "feed off" from someone else so to speak.I simply don't need it.But she brought out the best in me as I believed she deserved the best.But then she proved me wrong by walking out the door just like that.

I was and still am confused.But she had a big impact on me.I learned that I have to put myself first.Always.So I'm never going to give my 100% to anyone else again,I'm going to care less,do less good etc.I realized I've been too good to people,too good to her.So to make ME happy I'm going to step back.And it's really not my loss but others(label me selfish why not?),BUT I'm going to be happier now and that's what matters right?I lost a part of myself after what she did to me whether knowingly or not.But I'm not going to bounce back,and the "nicer" me is gone.I'm not going to give any other girl the treatment I gave her thanks to her(ironic thanks).

So OP I get it,I know what you're going through because it's the same for me.After all,what's the point in being the old self if you're going to get hurt in the end?

I wouldn't say its about not giving 100%. See the best parts of love come when you do give 100% and you totally lose yourself in the moment with someone. My new direction is about knowing when to walk the other way. It would be easy for me to sit here and blame women for not understanding but instead I aim to blame the nature of love and commitment, relationships and intimacy, modern society and just the way people in relationships act with each other over a given period of time. I aim to get "high on love" and nothing else will do. Once that high is gone then so am I.

I'm actually exited to get things started.....I expect to find someone in the next few weeks as I put myself out there.

[mutualove]

I wouldn't say its about not giving 100%. See the best parts of love come when you do give 100% and you totally lose yourself in the moment with someone. My new direction is about knowing when to walk the other way. It would be easy for me to sit here and blame women for not understanding but instead I aim to blame the nature of love and commitment, relationships and intimacy, modern society and just the way people in relationships act with each other over a given period of time. I aim to get "high on love" and nothing else will do. Once that high is gone then so am I.

I'm actually exited to get things started.....I expect to find someone in the next few weeks as I put myself out there.

 

I know.It feels good to give 100% to the other person,problem is when that high you're talking about fades(becomes less that is),that 100% will come back to haunt you.

 

Question is,can they handle it?Because 100% gets them on a pedestal,if you find someone who can handle that without thinking they're on a pedestal,by all means give ALL you have,otherwise you're in for a a lot of sleepless nights.The reason is your percentage almost always is higher than theirs,and that means trouble because they CAN'T appreciate it.

[L1ght]

I know.It feels good to give 100% to the other person,problem is when that high you're talking about fades(becomes less that is),that 100% will come back to haunt you.

 

Question is,can they handle it?Because 100% gets them on a pedestal,if you find someone who can handle that without thinking they're on a pedestal,by all means give ALL you have,otherwise you're in for a a lot of sleepless nights.The reason is your percentage almost always is higher than theirs,and that means trouble because they CAN'T appreciate it.

I'm a little confused by this response. I thought you understood the point. The point is to under no circumstances engage with or put up with female negative energy in a relationship. I'm absolutely 100% done with it.

 

 

I love women when the energy I feel from them is good and full of positivity and the best time you feel this from a woman is when you really let yourself go and engage with her in the initial parts of a romance. Its pretty damn fantastic and that's the kind of energy I want in my life.......so basically the point is that as soon as the "honeymoon period" is over and the magic is gone then I'm walking out the door along with it. I'm not cut out for female drama, I'm really not. I've tried my best in the past but I can't say its ever gotten me anywhere. I thrive in a positive romance with a positive person and the only time women exhibit the kind of behaviour I admire them for is before the games start and liberties are taken, before they try my patience and stop appreciating the efforts I have made to make the relationship work with them, before they forget that they actually like me and start treating me like a completely different person.....lol its totally laughable, I could keep this list going on for ever.

Getting close to a woman is probably the single biggest mistake a guy can make unless she is completely smitten with him cos if she isn't then you better believe deception is gonna become the single biggest tool in her arsenal as she tries to drag you down into her world of negativity while sucking the life out of you. (its just human nature I guess. Womens lack of physical prowess is made up for with an almighty amount of cunning/manipulative ability and they will spend every waking second obsessing about the best way to eat away at your soul just to make you understand a point often without spelling it out for you in plain English while expecting you to know what the hell they are going on about as they dance around whats really bugging them.....My word its so tiresome)...that's where my plan comes into action. I will stay with them and enjoy the buzz until they aren't smitten with me anymore then I will tell them to hit the road and find somebody else.

Edited November 27, 2013 by L1ght

[mutualove]

I'm a little confused by this response. I thought you understood the point. The point is to under no circumstances engage with or put up with female negative energy in a relationship. I'm absolutely 100% done with it.

 

 

I love women when the energy I feel from them is good and full of positivity and the best time you feel this from a woman is when you really let yourself go and engage with her in the initial parts of a romance. Its pretty damn fantastic and that's the kind of energy I want in my life.......so basically the point is that as soon as the "honeymoon period" is over and the magic is gone then I'm walking out the door along with it. I'm not cut out for female drama, I'm really not. I've tried my best in the past but I can't say its ever gotten me anywhere. I thrive in a positive romance with a positive person and the only time women exhibit the kind of behaviour I admire them for is before the games start and liberties are taken, before they try my patience and stop appreciating the efforts I have made to make the relationship work with them, before they forget that they actually like me and start treating me like a completely different person.....lol its totally laughable, I could keep this list going on for ever.

Getting close to a woman is probably the single biggest mistake a guy can make unless she is completely smitten with him cos if she isn't then you better believe deception is gonna become the single biggest tool in her arsenal as she tries to drag you down into her world of negativity while sucking the life out of you. (its just human nature I guess. Womens lack of physical prowess is made up for with an almighty amount of cunning/manipulative ability and they will spend every waking second obsessing about the best way to eat away at your soul just to make you understand a point often without spelling it out for you in plain English while expecting you to know what the hell they are going on about as they dance around whats really bugging them.....My word its so tiresome)...that's where my plan comes into action. I will stay with them and enjoy the buzz until they aren't smitten with me anymore then I will tell them to hit the road and find somebody else.

 

Hmmm I get it but that's what this is all about.You don't want the magic to be gone right?Or them continuing to appreciate your efforts and and not change into someone indifferent or someone who doesn't eat your soul away?

 

So that's the difference I guess.You're willing to give all you have until that person "changes",whereas I'm going to be giving less to see if the other person understands my efforts and/or willing to make the efforts herself,if not let go instead of hanging around.I chosen less attachment ergo less giving ergo easier to detach without getting as much hurt.

[Woggle]

Just hold out for a woman that is worth that investment and make her prove it before you make any real commitment. That is what I did and it paid off. They should have to make the sale before you make any real investment.

[AnyaNova]

I wouldn't say its about not giving 100%. See the best parts of love come when you do give 100% and you totally lose yourself in the moment with someone. My new direction is about knowing when to walk the other way. It would be easy for me to sit here and blame women for not understanding but instead I aim to blame the nature of love and commitment, relationships and intimacy, modern society and just the way people in relationships act with each other over a given period of time. I aim to get "high on love" and nothing else will do. Once that high is gone then so am I.

I'm actually exited to get things started.....I expect to find someone in the next few weeks as I put myself out there.

 

And so you don't care at all about the heart you will be breaking when you leave?

 

Consider the hell you went through. You would unleash that on some sweet pretty girl or woman who only wanted to love you with her whole heart, because you got burned once?

 

You want to ruin months for her, like you had months where food didn't taste good, you could hang with friends but hated the fact that for so long you couldn't enjoy being with them because there was only one person you wanted to be with, and you couldn't be with them? Where you couldn't enjoy any of the activities you used to because your world was colored with so much pain?

 

I agree. Take the time to make sure the woman is worth investing in before doing so, but don't just cut and run when the "high" wears off. Remember that pretty much to a one, married couples who have been married for a long time report that the time after they have spent years together, even without the recurrent high, they report as much more satisfying than the initial "high."

 

You could take the sociopathic route. Not care that you might very well be breaking the heart of a woman who would have loved you to the best of her ability, not care that you are unleashing the same or worse pain on another living being who just made the dumb mistake of trusting you.

 

Or you could consider being more careful with your heart, but if she is worth it, staying, and not breaking her heart just because you might get hurt.

Edited November 28, 2013 by AnyaNova