CNE181 Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 I have to live with my ex until the end of our lease (we both have nowhere else to go and aren't financially stable at the moment), and am trying so hard to make the situation as normal as possible considering we live with two others (a couple). Me and the other girl in the house are pretty close friends, and we both hang out a lot together. We'll hang out a lot in the living room watching tv and talking, and a lot of the time my ex will come downstairs and plop himself on the opposite side of the couch. It is weird considering he has his video games, computer, etc. in the basement (all of which he used to put off to hang out with me cause he knew I wanted to spend time together), and yet he still chooses to stay upstairs with us. I am okay with this sometimes, but it is happening a lot lately and I feel like I am not getting the privacy/me time that I want. I realize I could easily go upstairs to the bedroom when this happens, but I kind of feel like that's punishing myself considering she is more my friend than his and I was hanging out there first. I'm just really confused as to why he always chooses to hang out with us (because I thought he'd be wanting more time to himself too), and I really don't know to approach the situation about needing more privacy and me time. Thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
TylerDurdenn Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 He still loves you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CNE181 Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 He broke up with me and said that he wants to be friends. I was okay with that (at least until the end of the lease), but at the same time I really just want time to be by myself and it's totally possible even though we live together. I figure that he wants alone time too, but the majority of the time he is hanging out in the living room with me and the other roommate. Link to post Share on other sites
TylerDurdenn Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 Can't you just hang out elsewhere? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CNE181 Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 I could hang out elsewhere, but my point is, he could too. I don't want to feel forced out of my own house. There are a lot of times, especially after a long day at work, when I just want to sit on my own couch and relax, you know? I'm just puzzled as to why he isn't also as eager to have alone time. Link to post Share on other sites
TylerDurdenn Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 You both live there, it's his living room as much as yours. Either say something (not recommended) or chill elsewhere (recommended). Link to post Share on other sites
Author CNE181 Posted October 29, 2013 Author Share Posted October 29, 2013 I'm probably gonna try to go upstairs to my room more often, even though I want to hang out with my friend. She's kinda got a tight schedule so we fit in time to hang out at home mostly. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CNE181 Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 Okay, so here's the deal: me and my ex have to live together till the end of our lease due to the both of us not having anywhere else to go and not having the money for our own places. We haven't been talking much, but I feel as though things are amicable. He's been doing a few things (or rather not doing them) and it's starting to get under my skin. I texted him today and asked if we could talk after he gets home from work and he is ignoring me. I said in the text that it was just about some roommate issues and that it wasn't anything too serious but he just ignored the text. I really do feel the need to talk to him though because he is not doing his fair share of the work in the house and therefore I have been doing it all myself. I don't really think that is right, and I just wanted to simply ask him to try to pitch in. I wasn't going to be mean or nasty about it. Am I wrong for even trying to talk about this? I don't really understand why he's suddenly ignoring me. I don't even want to really talk but it's something that needs to be said. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 If the things are household chores / split responsibilities, make a list & leave it on the counter with a note that invites agreement or a counter proposal. If the things are personal, do your best to ignore it or get a send job so you get $$$ to move out faster. Link to post Share on other sites
lindsay1990 Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 He's being passive-aggressive. How long until the lease is up? Can you get away with handling the house work that just involves you? Like, wash your own dish and pot, your own clothes, etc. Things like this I mean. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CNE181 Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 Unfortunately there are months left in the lease. We both take care of our individual things for the most part except he hasn't been washing all of his dishes and he doesn't clean anywhere else. I am stuck with cleaning the bathroom, kitchen, etc. I leave his dishes in the sink for him to wash but I would like it if just for once he could take care of the other household responsibilities. It shouldn't be my job all the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CNE181 Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 He broke up with me, so would he really be passive aggressive? For the most part I've been nice to him, I have my moments if he's caught me on a bad day, but I just don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2013 Share Posted November 4, 2013 He may think he's asserting his independence by not doing the dishes when you want him to. It's kind of a petty thing but I can see how it will become maddening. If you fight him he's going to dig in his heels & make the next few months maddening. Try to ignore the dishes or just wash them & be the bigger / better person (don't throw that in his face until after you move out) Link to post Share on other sites
Author CNE181 Posted November 4, 2013 Author Share Posted November 4, 2013 I just think he is being so immature and making this a whole lot more difficult than it has to be. I almost think he is playing mind games just to toy with me... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lindsay1990 Posted November 5, 2013 Share Posted November 5, 2013 He's being passive-aggresive because if and when you react, you will look aggressive-aggressive and YOU will look like the bad guy, irrational b*tch. Perhaps he feels guilty and wants you to act out so he can feel more justified in dumping you. Or he can feel justified in being a callous jerk. Passive-aggresiveness is about making YOU feel bad/look bad instead of them. I guess all you can do is clean up after yourself. He'll have to wash his dishes eventially I would suggest just to leave them there. Clean whatever other spaces you use yourself or together. But if you don't touch it, don't clean it. Have you looked into getting out the lease? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CNE181 Posted November 6, 2013 Author Share Posted November 6, 2013 For the moment, I am stuck here. I don't have the money to move out but am thinking about getting a second job so I can make more money and move out faster because I can see that the situation is going to turn completely toxic in a matter of time. Link to post Share on other sites
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