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Broke NC after 6 weeks and told my ex I miss him. :(


Ethereal

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I am so silly... so so silly. Why oh why did I do it? :( I was so strong for the first few weeks of NC but then I visited my ex boyfriend's town to catch up with some friends. Walking past the place where he works and all the pubs and restaurants we used to go to made waves of nostalgia wash over me and I ended up emailing him as soon as I got home saying I miss him very much, think about him, wonder how he's doing and that I hope once enough time has passed that we can be friends, and I will contact him when I feel ready to be friends. (By the way I am the dumper. I went NC straight away after I broke up with him 6 weeks ago, and to be honest, I feel more like the dumpee. He was neglecting me so I was forced to dump him, and when I dumped him it seemed like he didn't care.)

 

At first I was glad I emailed him. I got my feelings out and that felt good. I didn't want him to misunderstand and think I dumped him because I didn't care. I wanted him to know he meant something to me, so it felt good to be honest.

 

But I realised what a stupid move I made the moment I read his reply. He said "I will look forward to hearing from you. I'm not going to waffle on but I hope you're doing well. All the best."

 

...

 

I poured my heart out to him, and got nothing in return. I shouldn't have expected anything better than his response really, but I'll admit it, I was hoping he would say he missed me too. :( It's silly, I know... Even if he did say he missed me I know deep down it wouldn't change anything. We would still be broken up.

 

If only I didn't break NC... ANYONE READING THIS WHO IS THINKING OF BREAKING NC... DON'T! Now he knows I miss him. He probably told his friends and had a laugh about it together. I wanted him to think I was a strong woman who could walk away from someone who didn't give her what she wanted. I am anger at myself for being weak and I feel like I've blown it... Is there anyway I can turn this around and get my dignity back? I guess the only thing to do is start NC again, right? This time I'm going to be strong. I won't break it!

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Well, you did dump him. Just because he accepted the breakup and didn't openly cry in front of you or beg you to change your mind does not mean he is unaffected by it. If anything it means he is mature enough to know that when someone tells you it's over, begging won't do any good.

 

You breadcrumbed him (I miss you blahblahblah). You still dumped him. He would look a bit silly replying with "I miss you too, I love you so much. I'm in so much agony knowing we aren't together, why did you have to leave me"

 

Because you dumped and rejected him, and wounded his ego.

 

 

I'm not trying to be rude or anything like that, especially if you felt neglected - you definitely did what was best. The thing is you will never really know how he's feeling, all we are accountable for are our own feelings and actions.

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I'm sorry for your pain but NC is the only way to go from here. He knows how you feel right now and there's nothing more you need to say.

 

Best of luck to you

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ATW summed it up nicely. Frankly, I don't consider what you wrote here to be "pouring your heart out". If you had told him you made a huge mistake and couldn't live without him and wanted to get back together and were willing to do whatever it took to make it work? That would be pouring your heart out.

 

I think any self-respecting dumpee in his position would reply in much the same way that he did. A casual, short, kind response.

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I am so silly... so so silly. Why oh why did I do it? :( I was so strong for the first few weeks of NC but then I visited my ex boyfriend's town to catch up with some friends. Walking past the place where he works and all the pubs and restaurants we used to go to made waves of nostalgia wash over me and I ended up emailing him as soon as I got home saying I miss him very much, think about him, wonder how he's doing and that I hope once enough time has passed that we can be friends, and I will contact him when I feel ready to be friends. (By the way I am the dumper. I went NC straight away after I broke up with him 6 weeks ago, and to be honest, I feel more like the dumpee. He was neglecting me so I was forced to dump him, and when I dumped him it seemed like he didn't care.)

 

At first I was glad I emailed him. I got my feelings out and that felt good. I didn't want him to misunderstand and think I dumped him because I didn't care. I wanted him to know he meant something to me, so it felt good to be honest.

 

But I realised what a stupid move I made the moment I read his reply. He said "I will look forward to hearing from you. I'm not going to waffle on but I hope you're doing well. All the best."

 

...

 

I poured my heart out to him, and got nothing in return. I shouldn't have expected anything better than his response really, but I'll admit it, I was hoping he would say he missed me too. :( It's silly, I know... Even if he did say he missed me I know deep down it wouldn't change anything. We would still be broken up.

 

If only I didn't break NC... ANYONE READING THIS WHO IS THINKING OF BREAKING NC... DON'T! Now he knows I miss him. He probably told his friends and had a laugh about it together. I wanted him to think I was a strong woman who could walk away from someone who didn't give her what she wanted. I am anger at myself for being weak and I feel like I've blown it... Is there anyway I can turn this around and get my dignity back? I guess the only thing to do is start NC again, right? This time I'm going to be strong. I won't break it!

You felt neglected in the relationship.

Is it a surprise to feel that way post-breakup?

 

Signs.

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I am so silly... so so silly. Why oh why did I do it? :( I was so strong for the first few weeks of NC but then I visited my ex boyfriend's town to catch up with some friends. Walking past the place where he works and all the pubs and restaurants we used to go to made waves of nostalgia wash over me and I ended up emailing him as soon as I got home saying I miss him very much, think about him, wonder how he's doing and that I hope once enough time has passed that we can be friends, and I will contact him when I feel ready to be friends. (By the way I am the dumper. I went NC straight away after I broke up with him 6 weeks ago, and to be honest, I feel more like the dumpee. He was neglecting me so I was forced to dump him, and when I dumped him it seemed like he didn't care.)

 

At first I was glad I emailed him. I got my feelings out and that felt good. I didn't want him to misunderstand and think I dumped him because I didn't care. I wanted him to know he meant something to me, so it felt good to be honest.

 

But I realised what a stupid move I made the moment I read his reply. He said "I will look forward to hearing from you. I'm not going to waffle on but I hope you're doing well. All the best."

 

...

 

I poured my heart out to him, and got nothing in return. I shouldn't have expected anything better than his response really, but I'll admit it, I was hoping he would say he missed me too. :( It's silly, I know... Even if he did say he missed me I know deep down it wouldn't change anything. We would still be broken up.

 

If only I didn't break NC... ANYONE READING THIS WHO IS THINKING OF BREAKING NC... DON'T! Now he knows I miss him. He probably told his friends and had a laugh about it together. I wanted him to think I was a strong woman who could walk away from someone who didn't give her what she wanted. I am anger at myself for being weak and I feel like I've blown it... Is there anyway I can turn this around and get my dignity back? I guess the only thing to do is start NC again, right? This time I'm going to be strong. I won't break it!

 

You will be strong and least you know now how exactly he is feeling now.

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Fufu, but that's just it, I don't how he is feeling. His email was so nonchalant. I think what is making it difficult is not knowing what he's thinking or feeling, because he didn't say much when I broke up with him either.

 

I guess the truth is he doesn't feel anything. I should just accept that shouldn't I?

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It sounds as if you broke it off with him in the hope that he would beg you to stay, but you wanted to make him believe that you are "a strong woman who could walk away from someone who didn't give her what she wanted."

 

Herein lies the problem. If you WERE that strong woman that you want him to believe you are, it wouldn't matter to you what he thought/thinks.

 

Unfortunately, your breakup plan didnt work out as you had hoped, and you found out the truth behind his neglect. Now it's time for you to become that strong woman you want to be, face the fact that he doesnt reciprocate your feelings and walk away. You see, this time, you'll be walking away having been HONEST about your feelings. No games. You will be doing it because it's what is best for you--not to prove anything to him.

 

And, believe me, as hurtful as it may be, in the end you will be proud of yourself and what he thinks really won't change that.

 

Don't look back.

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Sometimes the temptation to test the waters after a break-up is too great and hard to resist. You wanted him to want you, no matter what, and your pride wanted to hear about it. It's human nature. Obviously, contacting him was a mistake. At least you do realize that, so move on, back to NC, and let this lesson keep you from ever contacting him again. Look FORWARD from now on, not BACK. (I need to take my own advice on this as well. :)) You broke up with him for a reason. Never forget that.

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He is protecting himself. Sure he misses you. I would wait and see. 6 weeks is not that long. He now knows how you feel. It depends on what he wants to do and how much you are willing to do. As the `dumped`, i would feel the same and would be so careful. take care.

 

 

I am so silly... so so silly. Why oh why did I do it? :( I was so strong for the first few weeks of NC but then I visited my ex boyfriend's town to catch up with some friends. Walking past the place where he works and all the pubs and restaurants we used to go to made waves of nostalgia wash over me and I ended up emailing him as soon as I got home saying I miss him very much, think about him, wonder how he's doing and that I hope once enough time has passed that we can be friends, and I will contact him when I feel ready to be friends. (By the way I am the dumper. I went NC straight away after I broke up with him 6 weeks ago, and to be honest, I feel more like the dumpee. He was neglecting me so I was forced to dump him, and when I dumped him it seemed like he didn't care.)

 

At first I was glad I emailed him. I got my feelings out and that felt good. I didn't want him to misunderstand and think I dumped him because I didn't care. I wanted him to know he meant something to me, so it felt good to be honest.

 

But I realised what a stupid move I made the moment I read his reply. He said "I will look forward to hearing from you. I'm not going to waffle on but I hope you're doing well. All the best."

 

...

 

I poured my heart out to him, and got nothing in return. I shouldn't have expected anything better than his response really, but I'll admit it, I was hoping he would say he missed me too. :( It's silly, I know... Even if he did say he missed me I know deep down it wouldn't change anything. We would still be broken up.

 

If only I didn't break NC... ANYONE READING THIS WHO IS THINKING OF BREAKING NC... DON'T! Now he knows I miss him. He probably told his friends and had a laugh about it together. I wanted him to think I was a strong woman who could walk away from someone who didn't give her what she wanted. I am anger at myself for being weak and I feel like I've blown it... Is there anyway I can turn this around and get my dignity back? I guess the only thing to do is start NC again, right? This time I'm going to be strong. I won't break it!

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Bear in mind that that is exactly the kind of reply someone who is hurt and on here asking for advice on how to get over their ex would send. A cold reply may mean he doesn't care, or may mean he cares a lot but isn't going to show you because of his pride and the fact that you hurt him first by breaking up with him and then by disappearing off the face of the planet without an explanation for 6 weeks.

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You need to stand up for yourself. Get angry if you have to. Another person should not have this much control over your emotions. Focus on yourself now.

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Fufu, but that's just it, I don't how he is feeling. His email was so nonchalant. I think what is making it difficult is not knowing what he's thinking or feeling, because he didn't say much when I broke up with him either.

 

I guess the truth is he doesn't feel anything. I should just accept that shouldn't I?

 

You dumped him. You rejected him. You wounded his ego and hurt him in a way you may not even comprehend.

 

IF YOU WANT HIM BACK YOU NEED TO MAKE IT ABUNDANTLY CLEAR. It was YOUR choice to end things. It is YOUR job to work things out.

 

No beating around the bush because you miss him, no telling him you're with someone else and playing games. That is not 'making it clear you're hurting' - that's screwing with him.

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^ how dogmatic.

 

As helpful as Loveshack has been for me, the most common and yet extremely absurd thing I continue to read everyday, besides "you need to heal alone for a long time" is the guidebook tone of "dumper" behavior and "dumpee" behavior, surely it follows a pattern given conventional circumstances but not all breakups are conventional, sometimes you end a relationship where you received nothing but breadcrumbs, and according to some people here, you're now in the category of the dumper who rejects and hurts others and acts on selfishness all along?...

 

And yes, she may actually "comprehend" how that feels since she claims to have felt that DURING the relationship. A relationship is 50/50 and as devastating as a heartbreak can be, it's not good to always make the dumper the bad guy and the dumpee the poor one that was strung along the whole time. Sometimes the "dumpee" is a dumper that simply doesn't have the guts the end a relationship and will push it enough so his partner does and he doesn't have to face any responsibility.

 

Ethereal, I broke NC in an identical way (same length of time), also wrote some simple lines that meant the world to me and he answered me, 3 weeks later, with one line. In a way, I needed that just to convince myself that NC was the answer. It's been now 7 months... and it did get better, and I stopped missing him, and I stopped caring. Just stay strong and carry on...

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My ex and I broke up mutually 2 months ago. We were having incompatibility issues. I initiated it the break up and he agreed. My time apart from him has made me miss him terribly. I contacted recently and told him I'm missing him but he's been quite brief with his replies. This has been confusing and hurtful - I can't work out whether he's brief because he's hurting or brief because he is indifferent. In an attempt to find out, I sent a text asking if he wants to meet up for dinner next week to talk.

 

It's been 24 hours and he hasn't texted back (but I did notice his best mate viewed my profile on LinkedIn this morning. It's a bit random so maybe my ex was talking to him about me?)

 

I did say in the text that he could think about it and get back to me closer to the time so perhaps that's what he is doing and he will get back to me soon? I keep thinking that if he definitely didn't want to meet he would have replied sooner than now to say he's not interested, so maybe he is thinking about it? Or am I deluding myself?

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I think you were okay to ask him to meet up, but DO NOT over do it. The ball is in his court and now he needs to step up. The only thing I would suggest is if he never responds then he has moved on and you should too.

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I think you were okay to ask him to meet up, but DO NOT over do it. The ball is in his court and now he needs to step up. The only thing I would suggest is if he never responds then he has moved on and you should too.

 

Yes it's definitely up to him now. If he ignores me I'm not going to contact him again because I'll just make myself look desperate. I'll have no choice but to move on...

 

It was a difficult decision sending that text asking him to meet up. I nearly wasn't going to do it as I was worried about get rejected but at least doing this I know I have tried all I can to save us and I'll have no regrets or what ifs in the future.

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He's still not replied. Why am I holding on to hope that he's still thinking about it?

 

It's going to have to start sinking in soon that he doesn't care at all...

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Honestly you broke up with him. To me that means you did what you thought was best and effective for you. Some guys just aren't to open with their emotions (I for one was one of them until i came to this site lol) Since you broke up with him he probably did have his way of coping with it. However contacting him is probably just annoying him or making him feel confused. NC is used to help both parties move on with their life. So basically just because you are ready to talk to him doesn't mean he is.

 

If my ex texted me saying she missed me.... I wouldn't reply. I hate the idea of having someone break my heart then expect to still talk with me (At least while im still hurting)

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I messaged him again today. That's 4 messages in a row from me now and he's ignored them all. I know I shouldn't have done it but I'm hurting so much right now. I'm just so lost and confused. :(

 

I know I was the dumper guys, but this was a forced dump. I honestly believe he wanted me to dump him but was too cowardly to do it himself. And I don't understand why... he was so into me 3 months ago... and he just turned on me overnight. Our relationship became so f***ed up that I had to dump him for my own sanity...

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Unfortunately each attempt at contact is another ego stroke for him.

 

I miss my ex terribly too, but if she kept trying to contact me when I ignored her, it would help me move on knowing she is still pining for me.

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STOP IT!!!!!

 

You broke up with him. You said it was insane. Go channel that energy somewhere else. Turn the phone off and put it away. go for a walk, read a book, get drunk... well don't do the last thing. But, it's over.

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You're right... I need to stop.

 

That's it now. He's not replying and he doesn't care... I need to accept that.

 

NC is the only way to go from here and maybe in another week or two he will think, 'oh she's finally given up now' and then hopefully his huge ego will go down a notch or two.

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You shouldn't feel bad. You felt neglected anyway right? How many of us tried to work it out with an ex who was half assing it/ lining someone else up, unknowingly? Then got posters here blaming us, why didn't you end it? Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I think the OP did the right thing.

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