How do I respond

[dg2501]

I work with my ex, she literally sit across from me. It's been a year since she broke things off and it has taking me that long to get to a point of point all the crap behind me. Falling for the we are still friends BS, her fooling around with another guy at work, just childish games one might expect for this type of situation. Getting back to my point, I finally point her behind me, then out the blue she starts asking me "aren't you lonely...when are you going to find someone...you don't want to be a lonely old man... you've had girlfriends before...you don't have much family left" not in that order but you get the drift.

 

Where in hell did this come from? Instead of telling it's none of her business or dismissing her all together, i replied like the nice guy schmuck I am. "I've been alone before so what" and this one was stupid "I've never had a girlfriend by my definition." All the girls I was ever involved with ranged from 3-6 months; to me that doesn't constitute usage of the word. But that whole exchange bothers me still. Yes I have little family left, I actually have just my mother who is going blind and who I care for. I haven't had any interest in dating because my family and career are a priority.

 

It's not the lonely old man part that bothers me, it's where this whole conversation came from. I'm not sure it's out of malice because she suspects I going to gossip about her fooling around with that other guy. I don't care about that, everybody knows and no one cares, including me. Or is this guilty, that she's moving on with that part of life and I haven't. If it's that, than how insulting is that. I don't know if this is a factor, but she thinks we are friends. I don't, but I put on a facade at work just to avoid conflict and the possibility of blow back.

 

The truth is I hate her; not because she dumped me or broke my heart, but when she end it she lied to me. I know people do this to let the other one down gently, but that doesn't work for me. Prior to this job I was a biomedical researcher. I live by the phrase, "you can't argue with the facts" so the truth, be it good or bad is what I always expect, and I wouldn't question for long. But that's what I hate, being left with questions and no answers.

 

I know the answer is not to respond, go on with your life, and ignore her. But when work is involved I'm not as sure.

Edited June 17, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[BrokenHeartedSavior]

100% Correct.

 

Smile and wave.

 

Nothing more.

 

You owe her nothing.

[CC12]

I don't know if this is a factor, but she thinks we are friends. I don't, but I put on a facade at work just to avoid conflict and the possibility of blow back.

 

The truth is I hate her;

 

Of course it's a factor that she thinks you're friends. That's why she feels comfortable telling you that stuff. She probably thinks she's helping you. Whether it's out of pity or guilt or even malice, it doesn't matter. What matters is that it makes you uncomfortable when she talks like that.

 

Is your workplace really so dysfunctional that you'll receive blow back if you aren't "friends" with your ex anymore? Would anyone really have a problem if you just remained civil and professional with her? If so, then you need to start looking for another job.

 

If your workplace is a professional one, though, you should be able to tell her, "Sorry, but I don't feel it's appropriate to talk about my personal life with coworkers. Hope you understand." Then change the subject back to work.

 

It seems like you feel you're trapped in this fake friendship with someone you hate just because you work with her, but that's not the truth. You have other options.

[dg2501]

My workplace is highly dysfunctional, and I have been actively seeking other employment. I work for a federal agency and everything in the news about our work environment is not only true, but underestimated. I should clarify, when I mean blowback from my ex's possible response. This girl is a massive hypocrite and has previously accused others of stalking. My blowback concern comes from being a male in a federal job in a politically correct environment. We are wrong no matter.

I have kept things professional or outright avoided her. When I do that, according to her I'm acting weird. When she does it, it's because she needs to be alone. I never inquired about her personal life, but why is mine fair game all of a sudden?