When does the roller coaster of emotions stop?

[turnerik]

She left me over 2 months ago. Shes 18, I'm 20. It's her senior year in high school, and we dated for 3 1/2 years. She said she just needs time and space. We went out once, about a month after the break up, had a great time and she just told me she needs more time, and asked me not to date anyone and she promised to do the same.

 

I work 3rd shift security, which if you haven't ever done that, just imagine you have 8 hours to sit there and think about your ex, and you have nothing else to do. Basically my night goes like this.

 

I show up, I'm sad

I next begin to cry because I remember something, or I hear a song.

I next feel like I should just let her go and get rid of her completely

I next feel like I know she hasn't dated anyone, so maybe she just really needs more time

I next feel like I will wait and I know she will get her back, just leave her alone.

I then start crying again because I think I will never get a shot to show her how I have changed

I then get sad because I wish I could change the things that caused the break up

I once again feel confident

I then see the sun rise and feel a little bit better

The sun comes up, I know she is up then, but she isn't calling me or texting me like she used to

I feel sad.

1st shift comes home, and I get in my car and drive

I either cry because I listen to some country break up songs

Or I try and get my mind off of her because I listen to political radio or funny talk shows.

I get home, take my anti-depressant, check my phone one more time and then just lay there as I watch TV. Wake up, and get sad, then just go thru the motions until I'm back at work.

 

How long does this cycle last? It's been the same everyday. I try my best to do fun stuff between waking up and working, but she is ALWAYS on my mind. Everything is a reminder, I mean everything. One day I had to drive from Lake Michigan (Milwaukee) to Iowa because I know we have never been there together, but I still thought of her. I think I won't move on because I still have hope. I'm sure I'm looking for hope, and finding it because I look so hard. Any Ideas on 1. How to win her back (she hasn't responded to my last two messages) A week apart, just saying hi and stuff and 2. How to get her off my mind, even for an hour would be a relief.