Wanting someone who no longer feels the same, and I still see every day

[usrnm17]

Let me apologize in advance for this looooong story:

About 3 months ago, I started hanging out with a coworker…as friends. At the time, neither of us had any idea if the other was interested in more than friendship. We had an amazing time together – one night could only be described as the perfect date, even though it was purely platonic at the time. The day after that perfect night, he invited me over for a movie. When I went to leave after the movie, he kissed me like he said he wished he had the night before. The very next time we hung out after that, he asked me out on our first official date.

 

We went on our first date (it felt like we had already been on dates, but this time we knew it was more than just friends) and continued to spend a lot of time together after work and on weekends for the next few weeks. We’d stay up until all hours of the night texting each other. He would tell me how much he loved talking to me about just anything. Throughout the work day, we’d flirt like crazy via text message.

 

Then, I realized he was starting to become more distant. After an evening spent out with coworkers, we went our separate ways in the parking lot as a group of us walked out to our cars together (we were keeping this secret because of the whole workplace romance thing). When I got home that night, I texted him saying that I hated not being able to kiss him good bye. His response was simply “I know” and then I heard nothing from him the rest of the night. This was the first time in over a month we didn’t talk at night or at least get a “good night” text. Within the next week, two straight nights go by with nothing from him. I knew something was up because he used to text me every single night.

 

About a week later he starts the conversation I knew was coming…he’s only been out of a 2 ½ year relationship for about 6 months, and he likes me a lot but he’s just not ready for a relationship. Things have moved too fast and he wants to slow down. He says he just needs time. He needs to figure out who he is. I ask him where this leave us and he says he would still like to hang out because he likes spending time with. He invites me out one night for drinks with him and a good friend of his about a week later, and as we leave the restaurant he puts one arm around me and says “thanks for coming.” I hadn’t been sure what to expect with this “slowing things down,” but this single arm instead of a kiss shows me we’re not slowing down…we’re flat out stopping.

 

I decided I needed to start ignoring him hoping that he would miss me, so I stopped initiating any texts with him. Keep in mind I couldn’t actually ignore him since we spend 8 hours a day 10 feet away from each other, but outside of work we stopped talking. I only texted him if he texted me first, which became very, very rare. After about a month of ignoring him aside from the work-related conversations, all of a sudden one day he sends me a flirty text message at work. I was hoping this meant he’d taken the time he needed and was ready for something. But that night as the texting got somewhat dirty and I suggested how much better it would be in person, he replied saying it would be, except that he doesn’t want to lead me on because he’s not over his former relationship. So now he’s gone from “needing time to find himself" to “not being over the relationship.” So which is it? Is he simply not ready for a serious relationship, or is he still hung up on the ex?

 

This was 2 weeks ago. Yesterday, when I mentioned how quiet he was at work, he says that the night before “something personal came up so I was up late.” Again…now I’m wondering was this “something personal” him up all night talking to his ex about getting back together? He barely talked to me yesterday or today at work. This is killing me. It’s not like I can just forget about him when we spend 40+ hours a week close enough to reach out and touch each other. I want him so badly and he seems to have lost all interest, and now I’m wondering if there’s an ex who’s back in the picture which will absolutely crush me. I want to break into tears just looking at him throughout the work day. We had so much in common and had such an amazing time together, but we barely had the chance to scratch the surface of what that could have been. Of course my girlfriends tell me to forget about him, move on, he’s an idiot…but that is so much easier said than done. How do you get over someone you're crazy about and still have to see all the time? And truthfully, I don't even want to get over him...I want him to change his mind (yes, i realize how this sounds and that I should realize I'm too good for that).

Edited April 10, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ComeUpOutDaWahta]

Aaaaand this, ladies and gentlemen, is why you keep your relationships away from your workplace. Sorry to say sweetheart, but he's not that into you. He had his fun, and he has moved on. He's an ass for doing this to anyone, much less a co-worker, but that's where this is now.

 

Stop hoping that he's going to up and decide to be with you. Stop hoping he'll call or text you at night. It's just simply not going to happen.

 

Is there any way that you can have your work-space moved to another area, to where you won't have to see him so much? I've been rejected by women that I thought I really hit it off with, and I would NOT be able to see them 8 hours a day, laughing, smiling, talking to whoever it is they're talking to on the phone. Sorry to say, but you did kinda set yourself up for this by getting involved with a co-worker. I'd suggest maybe even coming clean with your supervisor, then seeing if you could get moved to another area.

[DirtyDancing]

I'm so sorry, this must be very hurtful to have to face him day in and day out when this was so recent.

 

He's on the fence because he likes you, obviously, but from what you said, he's clearly dealing with the ex that came back into his life. He's got two options right now; and he knows that one option includes you. Take a step back, fill your time, stay clear of him as best you can... no weepy looks in the office, etc. If you do this (keep a good distance from him, be aloof), he may start to wonder and will come back around, if anything at least to answer these questions you have. Not to say this will happen to you, but I find it interesting that in my experience, men with whom I've had a amazing and great connection with, have always left for whatever reason, but they always return. I can't think of one who said goodbye and then didn't came back later to try again. Usually at this point it's too late. That's why they call it a cliche.

 

Hang in there.

Edited April 5, 2013 by DirtyDancing

[Joyvke]

Sounds to me he's still a bit hung up with his ex and simply doesn't like you enough to start a relationship. What are your ages?

[usrnm17]

Sounds to me he's still a bit hung up with his ex and simply doesn't like you enough to start a relationship. What are your ages?

 

Joyvke, he's 29 and I'm 30.

[Joyvke]

Joyvke, he's 29 and I'm 30.

 

Ok so that's at least ages you know what you'd want in life (usually at least). If I were you I'd really not date someone from work, also 6 months after dating, you are in most cases ready to move on. It just sounds he hasn't done so yet . I can only imagine how heartbreaking it is to see him every day, like someone else said you could always opt a transfer if your feelings won't fade in the future.

[Noproblem]

I'm so sad to read about this

But I'm glad you haven't sleep with him....it could' ve been worse

You won't move on without changing something about your life...try meeting other people, go on a vacation to brazil ...something new and exciting will change your feeling....

Hey, sone guys are just like this, a minute he's interested &3 seconds later he moved on!

[LoveB86]

my story can relate as I was dating a co worker for a year. He works down the street from me, so unless he has to work at my department or i randomly see him somewhere when i go to his job is the only time Ill see him. I am trying to figure how the employee parking lot is gonna work Bc I have this fate where i always wind up seeing him for lunch no matter the time.

 

nehow, we had a awesome relationship. but got blindsided april 2nd when he ignored me ...no calls or txt , he just disappeared. After my txt marathon and expressing my love for him, i get a text 3-4 days later with "im sorry i got alot of mind and need some time to think, sorry i need a good trip away".

 

That's it... yep a year of spendin time together, meetin his family and friends, spendin 3-5 days with him, calls every mornin and night.. we were unseperatable and yep seems like he wants nothin to do with me

 

it happen to us and were left hanging. difference is he was over his ex as its been 7-8years since they broke up.. it hurts bad

[SuperGeek]

I'd seriously look into getting another job.

 

Learn from this and never mix your personal relationships with your job again. Most of us had to learn this lesson the hard way.

 

SiuperGeek

[Infnitysign]

This is why dating your co-workers dont work. The only reason he was into you was because you were convenient and close to him nothing else. Its best if you just either tell him he's an ******* or you quit your job and move to another.