Oh hello breadcrumb...

[LostGirl11]

So he text me saying this 'Just wondering if you've had a change of heart about remaining friends'

 

You have got to be ****ing kidding me. I'm livid! I go NC, get my appetite back and was starting to feel human again and does this. What a total dick spin.

 

Well I did reply saying this 'I'm not quite there yet, so no'

 

Not sure if I'm also a dick spin for doing this.

 

Pissing friends!

[na49]

He just wants to be friends? He doesn't want you back?

 

Screw that! You take however long YOU need to get over this clown. He'll probably just want you as a booty call anyway. Or to relieve his guilt. If he hurt you and you agree to friendship then he says to himself "Well she can't be that hurt! We're best buddies now! Just best buddies though!" That's annoying. I forget what you're story was, but you handled it well.

[Blastoplast]

So I take it he broke up with you but still wants to remain friends to a certain extent. Of course the situations for break-ups vary, but I'm assuming it was a messy one. He still wants to lean on you and have part of what he had in the relationship, but if you're not ready it's not fair to you.

 

I explicitly told my ex that while I would like to remain friends, I can't be a platonic friend to her when I'm in love with her -- so we'll just remain in low contact for the time being.

 

Better yourself, if he hurt you really bad just ignore him. You're not a dick for sending him that message because you told him EXACTLY how you felt, a lot of people have trouble being honest with others, let alone themselves!

[LostGirl11]

He just wants to be friends? He doesn't want you back?

 

Screw that! You take however long YOU need to get over this clown. He'll probably just want you as a booty call anyway. Or to relieve his guilt. If he hurt you and you agree to friendship then he says to himself "Well she can't be that hurt! We're best buddies now! Just best buddies though!" That's annoying. I forget what you're story was, but you handled it well.

 

He's basically saying 'Ohhh hey, I'm over you now, so we might aswell be friends' Big fat NO!

[LostGirl11]

So I take it he broke up with you but still wants to remain friends to a certain extent. Of course the situations for break-ups vary, but I'm assuming it was a messy one. He still wants to lean on you and have part of what he had in the relationship, but if you're not ready it's not fair to you.

 

I explicitly told my ex that while I would like to remain friends, I can't be a platonic friend to her when I'm in love with her -- so we'll just remain in low contact for the time being.

 

Better yourself, if he hurt you really bad just ignore him. You're not a dick for sending him that message because you told him EXACTLY how you felt, a lot of people have trouble being honest with others, let alone themselves!

 

It was pretty messy yes. I'm not going to be one of those people that just settle for being friends and forget all about the hurt just to have him in my life. I'm in love with him! He will probably reply and say something hurtful, but I won't know until tomorrow because I've switched off my phone.

[na49]

He's basically saying 'Ohhh hey, I'm over you now, so we might aswell be friends' Big fat NO!

 

My ex pulled the same sh*t. She cheats on me. Is cold as hell towards me for two months. Then winter break starts and because she has no real friends she starts texting me. "We need to talk" "I miss you" "I know we ended on bad terms, but I'D like to be friends"

 

GREAT! I'm glad that YOU want to be friends. I'm glad that YOU feel that we need to talk. I'm glad you want to patch up our relationship two freaking months after you broke my heart. Friends? What? So you can relieve your guilt? Starting to feel like maybe what you did to me was wrong? Starting to feel like the way you treated me was NOT right at all and I did NOTHING to deserve it? Yeah. f*ck you. I'm slowly but surely getting over your ass and I'm going to find someone who doesn't cheat on me. Someone who will be loyal and someone who I can trust. Not someone who goes to her new friends and acts all big and bad because she made some new friends at college and jumped at the opportunity at a chance with some 24 year old alcoholic douche.

 

lol sorry. had to get that out. anyway, screw our exes and their attempts to relieve guilt by being our "friends" Do you really think he'd invite you to hang out with him or do fun stuff with him? NO! He'll go to you when it's convenient for him. Not for you. He's a freaking clown just like my ex.

[LostGirl11]

My ex pulled the same sh*t. She cheats on me. Is cold as hell towards me for two months. Then winter break starts and because she has no real friends she starts texting me. "We need to talk" "I miss you" "I know we ended on bad terms, but I'D like to be friends"

 

GREAT! I'm glad that YOU want to be friends. I'm glad that YOU feel that we need to talk. I'm glad you want to patch up our relationship two freaking months after you broke my heart. Friends? What? So you can relieve your guilt? Starting to feel like maybe what you did to me was wrong? Starting to feel like the way you treated me was NOT right at all and I did NOTHING to deserve it? Yeah. f*ck you. I'm slowly but surely getting over your ass and I'm going to find someone who doesn't cheat on me. Someone who will be loyal and someone who I can trust. Not someone who goes to her new friends and acts all big and bad because she made some new friends at college and jumped at the opportunity at a chance with some 24 year old alcoholic douche.

 

lol sorry. had to get that out. anyway, screw our exes and their attempts to relieve guilt by being our "friends" Do you really think he'd invite you to hang out with him or do fun stuff with him? NO! He'll go to you when it's convenient for him. Not for you. He's a freaking clown just like my ex.

 

Vent away! Yes it seems like they only contact us when they're at a loose end. I'm sorry but I don't think it's normal when people remain 'friends' But thats just my opinion.

[Blastoplast]

Vent away! Yes it seems like they only contact us when they're at a loose end. I'm sorry but I don't think it's normal when people remain 'friends' But thats just my opinion.

 

I think 9 times out of 10 remaining friends doesn't work. There are some exceptions, but they are few.

[LostGirl11]

I cracked and switched on my phone. He replied saying this 'Ok, never mind, let me know if you change your mind. I've been wondering what you've been up to and I don't like the feeling so maybe I'm not ready either'

 

Meaning he just wants to snoop on me. The man has some front, I'll give him that.

[LostGirl11]

I think 9 times out of 10 remaining friends doesn't work. There are some exceptions, but they are few.

 

I think you both have to be very level headed people but most aren't after having their heart broken.

[na49]

I cracked and switched on my phone. He replied saying this 'Ok, never mind, let me know if you change your mind. I've been wondering what you've been up to and I don't like the feeling so maybe I'm not ready either'

 

Meaning he just wants to snoop on me. The man has some front, I'll give him that.

 

Although we all paint our exes as bad people spit at babies and do other evil things. I think that they are just like everyone else in the sense that no one likes being hostile towards one another. Especially someone you used to be so close with. To have someone who you were so close with completely disappear from your life is a weird thing to accept. So to them, this "being friends" thing seems like the right thing to do. To them, we're the ones who can be seen as immature because we aren't accepting their attempt to be "civil".

 

There's two sides to every story though. I think you're ex feels weird that you guys are actually not talking or anything anymore and is trying to be "the bigger person". It's all bullsh*t though. You don't have to be friends with anyone you don't want to be friends with. Just like he doesn't have to date someone that he doesn't want to date anymore.

[NoMoreJerks]

So he text me saying this 'Just wondering if you've had a change of heart about remaining friends'

 

You have got to be ****ing kidding me. I'm livid! I go NC, get my appetite back and was starting to feel human again and does this. What a total dick spin.

 

Well I did reply saying this 'I'm not quite there yet, so no'

 

Not sure if I'm also a dick spin for doing this.

 

Pissing friends!

Oh F*CK that guy. F*ck inconsiderate dumpers. I mean , the least they could do is give us some space, but NOOOOO they are SOOOO selfish. Dickbags!!! I was NC for 23 days and was doing SO well and then he had to f*cking text me, telling me he hoped I was ok, and to ask me how things are. Seriously???? Now I feel like crap and have been crying my head off for the past day. 23 days of NC gone to waste, even though I didn't even respond.

[NoMoreJerks]

Although we all paint our exes as bad people spit at babies and do other evil things. I think that they are just like everyone else in the sense that no one likes being hostile towards one another. Especially someone you used to be so close with. To have someone who you were so close with completely disappear from your life is a weird thing to accept. So to them, this "being friends" thing seems like the right thing to do. To them, we're the ones who can be seen as immature because we aren't accepting their attempt to be "civil".

 

There's two sides to every story though. I think you're ex feels weird that you guys are actually not talking or anything anymore and is trying to be "the bigger person". It's all bullsh*t though. You don't have to be friends with anyone you don't want to be friends with. Just like he doesn't have to date someone that he doesn't want to date anymore.

Well. To be honest, some exes are just dickbags. Sorry, but my ex was an assh*le who disrespected me so much and hurt me so much. Now he wants to be friends? He texts me asking how things are? HOW THINGS ARE? REALLY? How do you think things are, dickbag? He claimed his ex had dumped him 2 years ago, and he is still not over his ex. ANd he doesn't even give me 3 weeks to get over him, and texts me? Really? Selfish dickbag. It's all about them. All about them. Them them them. They have to be the center of the universe. It's all about their needs. F*ck that.

[Toddbt12y1]

Over time, they come back and talk to us again. Usually, it is when we just feel that ebb of strength come back into our veins. My ex did it to me. She texted me, ah, three weeks after we broke up, with a simple "Heya". I did not respond.

 

I followed my brother's advice; although, I wish I had said something, some closure, but I knew there was none, as I knew what she did. Back on topic: They do this. It is their cruel little way of hurting you further, even if they do not intend to do so.

 

You know what? They text you. They call you. They do all sorts of things, and yet, in reality, you mean as much as dirt to them; we mean as much as dirt to them. That is why they did us that way. Here we, bleeding our hearts out, and what for? People off smiling, partying. Having a good time, laughing;

 

Probably with someone else, or screwing someone else. We are an after-thought? Maybe when they are bored, or things do not work-out, so we are now a fallback?! These people are worthless. We sit here, clinging to the hope, that they apologize, as if it would be real; we get them renewed again; as if they could ever be better.

 

We cling to a false hope, that they will pay, Karma, or God will avenge us; but this scarcely happens, or it takes years to happen(not all bad people pay their dues). What for? People who get to smile, as they doom and curse us into hell?!

 

They are not worth agony. They aren't worthy of the hell they will one day go too. They are the spewed up scum; they never realized the better angels they had. We never realized the devils we had. It should be us, and it can be us. Smiling, joking, partying, or doing as we want to do. Only one thing restricts us:

 

The heart. Once we re-master that area of our lives, we can powerfully say NO to their hurt, and YES to our future...Do not let his texts become a bother or ruin your night. Inside he is a heartless shell, only wanting to affect you somehow.

Edited January 19, 2013 by Toddbt12y1

[na49]

Well. To be honest, some exes are just dickbags. Sorry, but my ex was an assh*le who disrespected me so much and hurt me so much. Now he wants to be friends? He texts me asking how things are? HOW THINGS ARE? REALLY? How do you think things are, dickbag? He claimed his ex had dumped him 2 years ago, and he is still not over his ex. ANd he doesn't even give me 3 weeks to get over him, and texts me? Really? Selfish dickbag. It's all about them. All about them. Them them them. They have to be the center of the universe. It's all about their needs. F*ck that.

 

I'll be adopting your train of thought. You're right. I like to think that everyone has good intentions, but our exes definitely don't. They didn't then, so why do they just get a redo and get to clear their name now? They didn't want to listen to us when we wanted to make it right. but we're supposed to be accepting of them when they want to make it right? It really is all about them. Well forget that! We don't owe them sh*t!

[cavalier99]

I'm sensing just weee bit of bitterness on this thread. Lol. I'm not quite sure all this anger is good except in small doses to push them away and for us to feel stronger. It is what it is.

 

They had their reasons for the BU so we accept it.

 

WE chose to respond or not if they contact us. WE choose whether to block them or not if this bothers us. They don't matter. STOP giving their communication such power over you. All this anger just validates their power over you and is victim mentality...and as much as i dont want to say it..WEAK

 

Their motives in most cases are clear and we just need to see it for what it is. They are not evil. Just flawed human beings like all of us. Even If their motives are somewhat selfish without them even realizing it...so what. Peace Out!

 

Ohhh and ROCK ON!

Edited January 19, 2013 by cavalier99

[NoMoreJerks]

I'm sensing just weee bit of bitterness on this thread. Lol. I'm not quite sure all this anger is good except in small doses to push them away and for us to feel stronger. It is what it is.

 

They had their reasons for the BU so we accept it.

 

WE chose to respond or not if they contact us. WE choose whether to block them or not if this bothers us. They don't matter. STOP giving their communication such power over you. All this anger just validates their power over you and is victim mentality...and as much as i dont want to say it..WEAK

 

Their motives in most cases are clear and we just need to see it for what it is. They are not evil. Just flawed human beings like all of us. Even If their motives are somewhat selfish without them even realizing it...so what. Peace Out!

 

Ohhh and ROCK ON!

I don't think you understand. Not all of our ex'es were normal people for whom the relationship was just not working. I'd understand and get over that if that were the case. In my case, my ex was a sociopath and has narcissistic personality disorder with a streak of borderline personality disorder. You can read my posts in the Borderline Personality Disorder thread in the separation section to see what I am talking about. My experience (which was my FIRST relationship EVER) was immensely traumatic, and I tried fixing it, I did my best, I gave SO MUCH, I was SO emotionally, mentally, and physically DRAINED at the end of it, and it was SO traumatic to realize that ALL my efforts were STILL NOT GOOD ENOUGH for him. He kept gaslighting me, right to the very end. Blamed me for the break-up, accused me of being moody, of being a hassle, of being needy and clingy, of being selfish, of stressing him out, he called me an attention whore, etc. Now HE is contacting ME, nearly a month after he broke up with me for no good reason (unless you count the fact that I was upset with him because he blew me off last minute and told me he couldn't come visit me over Christmas, when I had put my other plans on hold because he had told me he was coming FOR SURE)... Is he for f*cking real? This is pure selfishness and manipulative behaviour. And yes, it brings back all the pain and trauma, and makes me relive it. I am an adult and can understand if someone wants to break up because it's not working for them, or because their feelings are gone. Sure, it would hurt, but I'd let go and move on. Heck, I'm doing that even now, but when someone like my ex, a sociopath who is mental and has more unresolved baggage than Air Canada, Delta, and United combined, contacts you as if nothing had happened, with the intention of seeing what you are up to, and keeping you on the backburner, in case they change their mind or want to have some fun with you in the future, it gets a bit too much. Bitter? Yes, I am. It doesn't mean I'm gonna go out and claim that all men are assh*les, like he had adopted misogynistic views after his ex allegedly dumped him, but I am bitter about him, and angry at him and his selfish behaviour and mindf*ckery, and for good reason.

[cavalier99]

Hey im sorry this is rough. Sounds like the guy was a total ahole and you have every right to be angry. I think anger is fine. But just don't let it consume you.

 

Irregardless you need to let go. I mean he wasn't a serial killer...he is a deeply flawed ahole.

 

Just block his communication and work on your self. I think a lot of the anger is self directed that YOU let this happen and YOU stayed in this situation and got gaslighted etcetera. You need to forgive yourself. I mean I feel the same at times.

 

Redirect the anger into letting go and recognizing what is behind it in yourself FEAR, EGO, RESENTMENT. These are things WE ALL deal with and what we truly have control over and can rid ourselves of. Or even ask G-d or whatever you believe in to remove these things and give you some peace.

 

When we hurt it is us that is doing it ..not them. They don't have that power unless we let them.

 

You know what he is all about so it is within your control to not be affected by it and work thru the hurt.

Edited January 19, 2013 by cavalier99

[LostGirl11]

He blew up my phone with texts last night. I didn't reply. One being this 'I want you to tell me when you start seeing someone. I'm really unhappy at the moment. I want you to sleep with someone, even if its just sex'

 

What the hell? I'm hurt that he wants me to do that but more hurt that he thinks I'm that kind of person. I'm offended.

 

What is this guys deal?

[na49]

He blew up my phone with texts last night. I didn't reply. One being this 'I want you to tell me when you start seeing someone. I'm really unhappy at the moment. I want you to sleep with someone, even if its just sex'

 

What the hell? I'm hurt that he wants me to do that but more hurt that he thinks I'm that kind of person. I'm offended.

 

What is this guys deal?

 

Sounds like he's guilty for hurting you. That's really confusing though.

[LostGirl11]

Sounds like he's guilty for hurting you. That's really confusing though.

 

Tell me about it. No idea what to think. I know I shouldn't even be thinking about it but who wouldn't!

[NoMoreJerks]

He blew up my phone with texts last night. I didn't reply. One being this 'I want you to tell me when you start seeing someone. I'm really unhappy at the moment. I want you to sleep with someone, even if its just sex'

 

What the hell? I'm hurt that he wants me to do that but more hurt that he thinks I'm that kind of person. I'm offended.

 

What is this guys deal?

I don't know what his deal is, but whatever it is, it looks like you dodged a bullet. :confused:

[LostGirl11]

I don't know what his deal is, but whatever it is, it looks like you dodged a bullet. :confused:

 

Just doesn't make sense.

[NoMoreJerks]

Just doesn't make sense.

Yes, well, good luck finding any sense in breadcrumbs................ Mine sent me one the other day, too.. after 3 weeks of NC (since the break-up). He acted like nothing had happened, saying he hoped I was ok, that he was in Turkey still, and would probably be there for a long time, and asked me how things are. I mean, WTF? Also, I thought it was none of my "business" to know where he was... he had told me that when I had called him a few days before he broke up with me and asked him when he was returning home.... Now , somehow , it's my business to know where he is at the moment and where he will be a few weeks from now? Lame.

 

Don't over-analyze this, to be honest. You're not doing yourself any good in doing so... most likely he's a messed up person (hence my dodged bullet comment), or a manipulator who is playing mind games with you (again, dodged bullet comment).

[LostGirl11]

Yes, well, good luck finding any sense in breadcrumbs................ Mine sent me one the other day, too.. after 3 weeks of NC (since the break-up). He acted like nothing had happened, saying he hoped I was ok, that he was in Turkey still, and would probably be there for a long time, and asked me how things are. I mean, WTF? Also, I thought it was none of my "business" to know where he was... he had told me that when I had called him a few days before he broke up with me and asked him when he was returning home.... Now , somehow , it's my business to know where he is at the moment and where he will be a few weeks from now? Lame.

 

Don't over-analyze this, to be honest. You're not doing yourself any good in doing so... most likely he's a messed up person (hence my dodged bullet comment), or a manipulator who is playing mind games with you (again, dodged bullet comment).

 

Don't worry I'm not. If anything it's left me feeling in a bit of a daze. Was a pretty messed up text.