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Facebook Games Causing Me Stress


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Hi all,

 

I'm new to these forums here and new to heartbreak in general so I'll try to keep this short maybe you women can help translate this for me. And I'll try to make this short and sweet.

 

Bit of backstory

 

I've been in a very up and down type of relationship with a girl for the last 2 years and as of the last 7 or so months we've been officially out of touch with each other.

 

The breakup's and fights were all usually very emotionally charged. Lots of anger and vindictiveness on both sides whenever we broke up. We're both young, mid 20's, she's a few years older than me and could both be immature when it came to the breaking up.

 

It was a long distance relationship as well but I would visit her very frequently and stay with her for long periods of time.

 

There were a lot of unusual circumstances and usual ones that led to these fights....Money problems, she had a drug addiction, there were a lot of trust issues between us caused by past relationships she had, as well the drug addiction and her choice of occupation that I didn't agree with, a kid with a previous loser boyfriend who would constantly come in and out of her life.

 

There was a lot of instability with her life which I should of been aware of when I first got involved with her but I ignored all of the textbook red flags and fell very deeply in love with her.

 

Although, even with all of the bad stuff I just listed above, we connected well with each other. We were almost the same person, it was soulmate material. She was the person I could talk about anything with, we found joy in the same things, basically she was my best friend that I found attractive. And it was mutual.

 

There were just way too many life related problems initially for me to take on. Keeping up with all of the financial problems and some of her drama's alone nearly killed me.

 

And I'm not completely blameless either, although my life was and always has been fairly stable until I got involved with her that is. I do well financially, maintain good friendships, not a lot of drama or crazy stress. I probably didn't react well to certain issues. I lost my patience after the first year of the drama's and instead of being calm and dealing with stuff like I normally would I'd get angry and lash out. Not physically but verbally.

 

I was always a good guy before I met her, not that I'm blaming her for my reactions just that I've never reacted this strongly to anyone like the way I have with her.

 

So it's been 7 months since we had a huge fight/breakup and a lot of mean things were done and said this last time.

 

I haven't yet tried to contact her or anything because I was pretty mean to her and she hasn't tried contacting me at all at least directly as she may be scared that I'll get angry with her and be mean to her.

 

And honestly, this is the longest time we've ever been apart and out of contact in the last 2 years. I do miss her and still have feelings for her.

 

My dilemma

 

Naturally, Facebook is the cause of my distress...

 

Typically, whenever we'd have one of our little break ups, she'd delete me as her friend, block me, and also she'd delete all of the photo's of us together. Same thing has happened here, currently, she's deleted and blocked me.

 

So the reason I'm writing all of this in the first place is a couple of months ago I noticed that on Facebook I had somebody who was Liking my statuses and pictures on my Facebook that wasn't my friend.

 

So I took a look at the profile and quickly realized it was a fake profile and after I looked at it further I realized it was one that she created herself.

 

Now, why would she bother doing this? I can totally understand the whole creating a fake profile to check up on me but the deliberately liking my statuses and setting her fake profile statuses as a way to bait me to respond confuses me to no end.

 

Is this some kind of woman thing that I just don't get? Honestly, if she wanted, she could directly contact me in anyway and I would happily respond to her. She does know how to get ahold of me.

 

I'm aware that this is all very nauseating and completely crazy back and forth but I do still have feelings there so it's obviously causing me a bit of pain.

 

Any ideas on how I should handle it from here? Or at least maybe someone who's had experience with the whole facebook drama can translate this into something that makes sense.

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I have no idea but you should do what I do and hide your Facebook profile. I set mine so it doesn't show up on searches. people can't seek me out.

 

Never mind what it means. what do you want....do you want this to mean anything?

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I have no idea but you should do what I do and hide your Facebook profile. I set mine so it doesn't show up on searches. people can't seek me out.

 

Never mind what it means. what do you want....do you want this to mean anything?

 

 

Yeah, I just recently re-did all of my privacy settings on facebook to hide it.

 

Of course I like the fact that she wants to initiate contact with me even if it was in the most confusing way possible. I'm assuming that is what all of this means. I just wish she'd make it a bit easier on me to figure out what her intentions were so I could act accordingly.

 

I don't understand why should would go through all of that trouble when she could simply contact me.

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Or you could simply get rid of Facebook. After I broke up with my ex she was doing childish things on there like posting pictures of private text message conversations between us making me look like a horrible person. I didn't want to deal with it so I blocked her before I deleted Facebook. I plan on getting back on again someday, but not till after I'm totally over her. It's made a huge difference.

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I'm a big Facebook user and have seen pretty much anything going on there, but I really have no idea why she's acting this way. In any case my advice, as others have already said, is to hide your profile and made it unavailable to people who are not your contacts already. So at least if she really wants to contact you she'll have to do it in a more open and direct way. It looks like she's trying to catch your attention, but without taking responsibility for it...

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I'm a big Facebook user and have seen pretty much anything going on there, but I really have no idea why she's acting this way. In any case my advice, as others have already said, is to hide your profile and made it unavailable to people who are not your contacts already. So at least if she really wants to contact you she'll have to do it in a more open and direct way. It looks like she's trying to catch your attention, but without taking responsibility for it...

 

That's the odd part, it's just weird that she would go through all of that effort to contact me and try to make me believe it's someone else. I just don't get the reasoning behind it. It'd be a lot easier to just come at me directly and I'd be happy to speak with her again.

 

I figured it might be a pride thing, she wants to contact me or keep in touch and misses me etc. but she doesn't want to look like the weak little girl that's running back to me.

 

I've made sure to lock down my profile's privacy settings as of now.

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I just don't get the reasoning behind it. It'd be a lot easier to just come at me directly and I'd be happy to speak with her again.

 

It's really hard to say. I know that's what you'd like to happen and that's probably why you're giving so much thought to this, trying to understand the reasoning behind it and maybe hoping to find some hope behind her strange games. But whatever the reason, there doesn't seem to be any good for you - if she wants you back in her life she should be confident enough to contact you and ask for it; anything else is probably just a waste of your time. So well done with those privacy settings, they won't leave any grey zones to play in.

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  • 4 weeks later...
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It's really hard to say. I know that's what you'd like to happen and that's probably why you're giving so much thought to this, trying to understand the reasoning behind it and maybe hoping to find some hope behind her strange games. But whatever the reason, there doesn't seem to be any good for you - if she wants you back in her life she should be confident enough to contact you and ask for it; anything else is probably just a waste of your time. So well done with those privacy settings, they won't leave any grey zones to play in.

 

I've blocked the fake profile and turned my profile completely private. Not even 3 or 4 days after I did this, I get another request from a fake profile that looks as if it belonged to her. Although I can't verify it like the other one. I blocked it as well and haven't seen any attempts since. :)

 

However, it still is odd that she even went that route, bothers me more than a little trying to figure out the intentions behind it.

 

I'll never understand why people do that, my friend just had a similar experience with his ex, she blocked him, deleted him out of anger I would guess but she still keeps up with him by using a mutual friend in commons profile. It's strange for sure.

 

Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this before?

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