Ex wanting to be frens....to make himself feel less guilty?

[shellen]

can't help but post another thread on my ex....

 

I'm slowly accepting it's over, been packing up the stuffs he gave me and either throw or stash it away in some corner....

 

except the last gift he gave me as a boyfriend, a digicam. I was really thrilled and touched to receive it then but few weeks after that he dumped me.

now when i look at the digicam i think it is some practical joke by him, to raise me to cloud nine and then threw me down like that.

 

I feel like returning it to him. I dunno why, maybe to make him feel hurt, tho I doubt it will have any effect on him. I just wanna throw it back into his face. Guess Im feeling a little revengeful now....

 

He wants to be friends still tho he noes im not over him. And he is not gonna tell his gf abt it coz I guess she does not like the idea of it. Which means I cant contact him freely and he will only contact me when his gf is not around. What sort of fren is this? What is his motive? Is he just trying to make himself feel less guility abt everything? Coz I definitely not gonna help him feel better abt himself...

 

yes i noe....im a revengeful freak now...

[cutiebabe]

my only advice is ask yourself, would you rather be friends with him than be nothing at all? only you can answer this and only you can decide.

Blessed Be.

[kgal]

Hmm...

 

I just want to tell you that you seem like too good a person to be treated that way... you deserve better!

 

Do what you feel is best for you... I know my ex is trying to stay friends.. but I told him that I want to be his friend.. but not hold him back.. and vice versa... from getting over each other. I don't know.. I guess time works stuff out and I wish you good luck w/your ex on whatever you decide.

[YssaBoo]

My ex said he wanted to be friends,I said "NO WAY".It is too hard on the person that is getting dumped. We however have stayed in contact and just over the past 2 weeks have gone on what I would call a date. He invites me to go with him,even though I pay for the movie for me,but he calls.We did that often when we dated because money is tight when we are both in school. I am seeing more of the guy when we first went out initially.I think it helped using the no contact rule.They don't want to give you up and when they don't hear from you it drives them nuts.I did give my stuff back to my ex the week we broke up,but he gave it back saying it was a gift.The only thing I didn't get back was a journal that I had started that a family member of his had given to me and a pic of us together,that he didn't have.I am still trying to figure out why he kept the journal,some day maybe I'll find out.good luck in your situation,each one is different and all you can do is try different things,You have already lost the person,what more can you lose Good Luck

[Dixiecron]

Shellen,

 

You could sell the digicam on EBay and use the cash to get something for yourself... I scalped an extra hockey ticket from my ex to pay for parking at the game and buy some beer! Sure felt good.

[shellen]

thanks all for ur replies...but right now im getting all depressed again.

hah..useless me....

guess it always takes a little time for me to realize the full impact of a situation.

I was as I said slowly accepting it was over....and when he told me finally certainly that he wants to be with his current gf yesterday, I was still ok...

but this morning I woke up feeling...ache..heartache...

I guess all along ive been living on this hope...no matter how small it was...that he may come back to me...

but now that he finally said it, which was want I wanted from him, a definite answer. I sudenly feel I've lost everything.

I really dunno where i go from here.....

i love him so much and I gave my all to him and now im left with nothing.

I can't bear to let him go....arrgghh..

 

I guess i'll not be too hard on myself now coz i'm having my finals, so i'll allow myself to contact him if I need it. After that, I'll be off on a short trip, hopefully it will help ease the pain..

[cutiebabe]

i understand what you mean. i've just currently go back with an ex and he hurt me really badly in the past. but i still loved him. and thankfully we have another chance.

if you feel like you want to hold on...you can still hold on for a little while but try getting out and meeting new people. if youse are meant to be together, youse will end up together.

as for giving back his gifts...no way. they were gifts for you! they are precious memories of the times youse shared...do you really wanna give them up?

Blessed Be

[kgal]

Wow... I really feel for you Shellen. I really do. It's a very hard situation.. and I guess realizing what is best for YOU right now .. is the only thing that will really boost that mood of yours. Try doing something today only for you... look in the mirror.. and say something good about yourself... IT HELPS! Thank God for you and for the plan He has for you... even though you may not know what that may be... just have FAITH that there is so much more for you to come! Good things! I guess I can relate w/you cuz you know my sit. pretty well by now. Hmm... I guess... life is hard... but we must keep movin. Having hope isn't bad... instead... focus on being happy b'cuz you know this is something he has decided.. and then just press on sister!

 

God Bless. and I pray you will find strength to get through this.. I know it's hard.

[shellen]

Thank you very much for all your encouragement...

I really felt better after reading them. You know what I feel like doing now? I feel like just wallowing in self pity and bawl my guts out. I dunno how long I'll need, but I jus want to let all my emotions out. But I can't do that now because I am pressing for time to prepare for my finals which is a in a few days time and I've got an interview today which I cannot afford to turn up with puffy eyes and looking glum. So I gotta put on that I am confident and enthusiatic front and suppress my feelings and "postpone" that self-pity session.

 

But I did cut myself some slack yesterday and cried for a while and I messaged him to tell him how much I loved him, my deepest profession of my love to him. Something which I never did when we were together. He replied to say he was very touched, thats all. Well, I mean what else can he say. It's just sad that no matter what I say or do I can only make him feel touched and nothing more. He called to console me but I was feeling better so I did not answer his calls.

But as I approach the break of a new dawn, these feelings have begun to awaken too.

 

My only consolation is that he had made a decision and is happy. So when I try to think in that direction, well at least it makes me accept the situation a little better. But I still think that he is absolutely the one for me.He said right now he does not know if he will marry the new girl, but he did see himself marrying me.He asked if I would want him back if he were to be alone in the future.I guess I can't really understand why he would wanna give up someone he knows he can marry to be with someone he is not sure of yet. But I guese he just wants to give themselves a chance.

 

Kgal, you seem so strong and optimistic and I can see that u just want him to be happy. I really admire you for that.

[cutiebabe]

did u tell him you would want him back if he was alone in the future???

[shellen]

The first time when he asked me that, about a month ago, I said if I still liked him I would want him back.

This time, I said I dunno it depends.

 

Hopefully that sounds less desperate

[cutiebabe]

well all we can do is hope for the best. goodluck

[kgal]

Originally posted by shellen

Thank you very much for all your encouragement...

I really felt better after reading them. You know what I feel like doing now? I feel like just wallowing in self pity and bawl my guts out. I dunno how long I'll need, but I jus want to let all my emotions out. But I can't do that now because I am pressing for time to prepare for my finals which is a in a few days time and I've got an interview today which I cannot afford to turn up with puffy eyes and looking glum. So I gotta put on that I am confident and enthusiatic front and suppress my feelings and "postpone" that self-pity session.

 

But I did cut myself some slack yesterday and cried for a while and I messaged him to tell him how much I loved him, my deepest profession of my love to him. Something which I never did when we were together. He replied to say he was very touched, thats all. Well, I mean what else can he say. It's just sad that no matter what I say or do I can only make him feel touched and nothing more. He called to console me but I was feeling better so I did not answer his calls.

But as I approach the break of a new dawn, these feelings have begun to awaken too.

 

My only consolation is that he had made a decision and is happy. So when I try to think in that direction, well at least it makes me accept the situation a little better. But I still think that he is absolutely the one for me.He said right now he does not know if he will marry the new girl, but he did see himself marrying me.He asked if I would want him back if he were to be alone in the future.I guess I can't really understand why he would wanna give up someone he knows he can marry to be with someone he is not sure of yet. But I guese he just wants to give themselves a chance.

 

Kgal, you seem so strong and optimistic and I can see that u just want him to be happy. I really admire you for that.

 

Thankyou Shellen... don't think I haven't had my share of struggles w/this one person... it's been a roller coaster ride. But.. I finally realize that I won't be happy worrying about what he decides anymore.. I have to just get on w/my own life .. and if he loves me.. he comes back... hehe. You can make it!

[shellen]

you know...ive been swinging back and forth between feeling alright and upset until I am quite confused if I'm alright now or I am still really affected.

And that bothers me too haha...

Because when I am alright, I'll just hit my books and study and when I am upset I'll just go have a good cry. But now I dunno what I'm feeling, so I dunno what to do. I know it sounds silly. But I don't feel like crying, neither am I in the mood to study. But I know I'm not feeling normal, like normal happy. Arrgghh...this sounds really silly haha...oh gosh....

 

Do you feel that sometimes u really still love them, but other times u feel like u r so over them and u r very glad for it? But then suddenly one day u get upset again, then u feel dat the past few days has just been an illusion, perhaps as a result of trying too hard to convince urself dat u r over them until u somehow believe in it when emotionally u r still not healed? Then I wonder if i still love him that much since there are times when I think I feel like it does not matter if I have him in my life or not.

 

confused confused...hehe

[kgal]

Originally posted by shellen

you know...ive been swinging back and forth between feeling alright and upset until I am quite confused if I'm alright now or I am still really affected.

And that bothers me too haha...

Because when I am alright, I'll just hit my books and study and when I am upset I'll just go have a good cry. But now I dunno what I'm feeling, so I dunno what to do. I know it sounds silly. But I don't feel like crying, neither am I in the mood to study. But I know I'm not feeling normal, like normal happy. Arrgghh...this sounds really silly haha...oh gosh....

 

Do you feel that sometimes u really still love them, but other times u feel like u r so over them and u r very glad for it? But then suddenly one day u get upset again, then u feel dat the past few days has just been an illusion, perhaps as a result of trying too hard to convince urself dat u r over them until u somehow believe in it when emotionally u r still not healed? Then I wonder if i still love him that much since there are times when I think I feel like it does not matter if I have him in my life or not.

 

confused confused...hehe

 

Yes. Lately, I've felt abnormal.. like I'm reprocessing everything.. and trying to sort out alot of emotions... I didn't sleep well like all week.. but I feel I'm slowly getting better.. I just hate what this whole thing did to me. I guess this is normal though w/breaking up.. it's about reorganizing.. and pressing on.

 

Don't worry.. you will feel better over time.. and you will start to regain your strength. It takes time.. so allow yourself that time to feel whatever you need to. I think the worst thing you can do is try to hold everything in and ignore it... cuz then it just builds up.. you've got friends here who'll listen too.. so member that!

 

I guess with my ex.. it's just been like.. he's giving me the feeling that he just needs time and space.. which is fine... I need that to I guess. Hopefully in the future we can establish some sort of decent communication.. I mean.. I hope we can.. cuz I do love him.. but I need to let this go and give it to God. I'm just not worrying about it anymore..... cuz it really gave me a headache trying to figure it all out. So... I'm just taking my time and trying to find happiness again. I guess I made him too much of my life.. so when he just said goodbye.. it was like a shocker.

 

Anyways... this place has helped me vent.. and I'm thankful for all the friendly support I've found.

 

God Bless!

 

Good luck Shellen!

[shellen]

I dunno which is worse or equally bad. ex who does not communicate or ex who still wants to keep in contact.

 

he has been nice enough to contact me but I think it's probably cause I told him try not to do things that will aggravate my emotions during this time coz i need to study.

 

And well...I hold no qualms lashing out at him when I am pissed. I feel bad after it and I appreciate him for putting up with me. But I somehow blame him for everything so I think he should put up with me haha. But it's easier to blame yourself coz it's easier to be angry with oneself rather than with someone that you love. U know what I mean, it's like conflicting emotions. I love him but I hate him for doing these to me. These conflicting emotions are difficult to handle man...

 

I can't wait for the day when the sun shines for me again......

[kgal]

Originally posted by shellen

I dunno which is worse or equally bad. ex who does not communicate or ex who still wants to keep in contact.

 

he has been nice enough to contact me but I think it's probably cause I told him try not to do things that will aggravate my emotions during this time coz i need to study.

 

And well...I hold no qualms lashing out at him when I am pissed. I feel bad after it and I appreciate him for putting up with me. But I somehow blame him for everything so I think he should put up with me haha. But it's easier to blame yourself coz it's easier to be angry with oneself rather than with someone that you love. U know what I mean, it's like conflicting emotions. I love him but I hate him for doing these to me. These conflicting emotions are difficult to handle man...

 

I can't wait for the day when the sun shines for me again......

 

Awe.. and it will Shellen.. the sun WILL shine! Just have faith. I know how you feel... about the loving to much to hate. It's like they can do no wrong.. even though they hurt you so. Just know that there is a God who loves you and He will bring good things for you if you're reliant on Him. It's alot easier knowing that God is watching and sees and knows how you're hurting... it makes it all worth the while and the Bible does say that those who mourn shall be comforted. Just wait and you will see happy times again soon! I'm sure of it!

 

[shellen]

Thanks for your encouragement Kgal. I hope you are getting better and stronger day by day too.

 

But well, the fact that I'm posting again, hah...means I'm sort of in a crappy mood again. Nothing major, just feeling unhappy that I have to play second fiddle to his girlfriend. But I know I can't blame him for doing that and I don't, but I still don't feel good. And I also know I can only blame myself coz I chose to be in such a situation and I probably dun have the right to complain abt it. Hah....forgive me...i still need to just express my unhappiness.

[kgal]

I'm doin okay ,, thanks shellen.

 

I know.. how the mood thing goes.. lol. It's like one day I'm happy too and the next I'm crying on my bed... wondering why he still hasn't come to his senses.

 

I guess it's just figuring out who you are and loving yourself for who God made you to be. Also.. appreciating the good qualities in yourself. Then it's all the more their loss right? LOL. I mean.. I think we tend to forget ourselves when we become so in love and make that one person more of our lives.. we tend to forget who we were before we met them. That is the journey I feel I am on now... rediscovering me.

 

You don't have to play second fiddle to anyone Shellen. Just be you and thats the best thing that you can do for yourself. Even I need to hear that!

 

Take all the time you need to vent.. that's healthy. Im glad this place is here.. and the ppl who lend a supportive shoulder.

 

God Bless.

[tom_gbr]

at the time when my ex finished our relationship she said she would really like us to be friends...im wondering when this is going to happen...the last contact ive had from her was a text message that she sent two fridays a go saying that she was missing me...which i replyied to but it sounded like i was having a go at her as i said it was unfair her sending this...so she said she would never text me again!

 

a couple more text messages later and everything is ok between us.....but havent heard from her since....oh i sent her a message easter sunday saying ' happy easter babe x ' and she replied with ' happy easter x '

 

am i ever going to hear from her again without me contacting her?...is this going to be one sided...or is she just leaving it a while for a things things to calm down...its been a month since she finihsed it

[kgal]

Originally posted by tom_gbr

at the time when my ex finished our relationship she said she would really like us to be friends...im wondering when this is going to happen...the last contact ive had from her was a text message that she sent two fridays a go saying that she was missing me...which i replyied to but it sounded like i was having a go at her as i said it was unfair her sending this...so she said she would never text me again!

 

a couple more text messages later and everything is ok between us.....but havent heard from her since....oh i sent her a message easter sunday saying ' happy easter babe x ' and she replied with ' happy easter x '

 

am i ever going to hear from her again without me contacting her?...is this going to be one sided...or is she just leaving it a while for a things things to calm down...its been a month since she finihsed it

 

Hi Tom..

 

I would give her some time. Breaking up is hard to grasp hold of sometimes.. and it's a very hard process to just jump right into being friends. My ex and I agreed to stay friends.. but sometimes it hurts cuz it feels one-sided w/me sending more emails to him.. but I've noticed.. that if I just give him space.. he ends up contacting me. I think the best thing here is just to give your ex s p a c e and time that they need to get hold of what has happened..

 

The best thing for you to do right now.. is just to take some deep breaths.. and try to heal yourself.. while she heals as well. I'm sure eventually both of you will be able to talk again soon .. but remember to take her needs into consideration as well as your own. Good Luck.

 

PS.. I know it is hard... but just hang in there.

[tom_gbr]

yeah every1 has said the best thing to do is to give her space....im really considering phoning her wednesday or thursday though....its been nearly two weeks since we actually spoke to one another and i really want to find out how she is and just have a talk with her...i want her to think that im coping and that im trying to move on as the way things are at the moment i dont think she's getting in contact with me as she thinks its going to make it worse for me.

 

i mean she must be thinking about me...she must be..we were supposed to be spending this holiday with each other at her mums house.

 

when we broke up she still loved me..i just cant understand why she isnt contacting me...its not like we broke up on bad terms or anything.

[kgal]

Originally posted by tom_gbr

yeah every1 has said the best thing to do is to give her space....im really considering phoning her wednesday or thursday though....its been nearly two weeks since we actually spoke to one another and i really want to find out how she is and just have a talk with her...i want her to think that im coping and that im trying to move on as the way things are at the moment i dont think she's getting in contact with me as she thinks its going to make it worse for me.

 

i mean she must be thinking about me...she must be..we were supposed to be spending this holiday with each other at her mums house.

 

when we broke up she still loved me..i just cant understand why she isnt contacting me...its not like we broke up on bad terms or anything.

 

Yeah.. space will do you both good. I would really think about phoning her though.. wait as long as you can.. but if you feel it's something you must do.. go ahead but maybe keep it short.. meaning you initiated the goodbye. But do what you feel is best.

 

It's possible she is putting more time between contact so it helps the both of you heal. She may need more time?? But giving her that and leaving her be for a while is a silent favor and it will also give her more time to gain perspective ..as well as yourself. I'm sure she thinks of you. Don't drive yourself nuts over wondering what she's thinking.. try focusing on positive thoughts and even if it's hard.. just try to relax for right now.

 

I wish I had answers .. I mean.. I don't understand how someone in love just walks away either.. (that's what happened to me)... and it's painful... but it's been 3 months and I'm still alive. I'm pushing forward.. and that's all the advice I can give you.. is to hang on and do your best to find strength and happiness for yourself.

 

God Bless.