Jump to content

Ex unfriended after 8 months...another dumb Facebook question


jdids247

Recommended Posts

Let me start by saying, I know Facebook is the melting pot for exes to make their exes jealous and show how much better their life is without you, I just don't understand my ex...maybe she's immature about this or she's just trying to play head games? For the record, I use Facebook as entertainment. I enjoy reading people's pathetic status upadates. It seems like no one has a grip on reality in my friend list.

 

Short story on my scenerio: I'm 26, she's 25. 6 year relationship with 1 year engagement. She got pregnant, miscarried, and everything went down hill from there. She began to distance herself while I was trying everything in my power to make it work. Always knew the miscarriage affected her more than she knew but she always denied it. I had enough of her behavior (not coming home, putting her friends before the relationship, lack of respect to me, possibility of another man, questionable behavior, general lack of effort in financial areas and her life...) and told her to move out and leave the ring. I was turning into a monster myself. I hit a low spot when the miscarriage happened and she decided to run away from all of her problems instead of dealing with them. At the end of the relationship, I was so fed up with her I was constantly blowing my lid and she never cared about her actions. She, of course, denies cheating and there was no feelings for anyone else, but I doubt that.

 

Anyways...we ended things in Jan-Feb and haven't talked since March when we closed the lease on our apartment. Since then I haven't made any attempt to contact her and vise versa.

 

On to the Facebook scenerio...

 

After the breakup, literally 2 weeks later, she was posting updates on how perfect her life is. Mind you she was living on a couch at a friends house. And these updates continued for months. I hadn't checked her page since about 2 1/2 months ago. Now I check them and the statuses are depressing, something like not living in the past, quotes on happiness when you're sad....blah blah....

 

I checked her profile page out of curiosity as this last month was the month we lost our child. Although she claims she was over it and was mad at me for mentioning anything about the miscarriage after it happened, she had a status referencing the miscarriage. I liked the status just to acknowledge it still haunts me to this day. I also checked her relationship status, and it previously was set as 'single' last time I checked. It was now set to hidden. I hid my relationship status months ago as I'm not looking for a relationship, it wasn't to make her curious or anything like that.

 

I come to check her out earlier today and saw she unfriended me. I guess from a woman's view, why would she do this NOW....months later? She was rubbing in her new found freedom in reference to me for months on end only to post things that are depressing and some referencing to relationships and the past. I haven't posted anything about our failed relationship or anything depressing since the breakup and I haven't made a direct slam to her that I can remember.

 

I find it funny actually. She was the one telling everyone how she is over everything and is having the time of her life.

 

I see it as a few scenerios: she is seeing someone and doesn't want me to see, she's still not over me and can't fathom to see my page, or liking her status about the miscarriage unearthed some demons and she doesn't want to remember the pain. What do you guys think?

Link to post
Share on other sites

You've posted your way through another step towards healing/moving on.

 

No advice is necessary...she unfriended you, she's gone./...end of. Don't analyze it please.

 

My ex blocked me immediately after dumping me, then 10 months later, she pops up on FB...WTF, she's unblocked me. I haven't analyzed it at all. What's the point? They're gone and that's it I'm afraid.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I'm to the point where I *HAVE* moved on, so I'm not worried about that. I do not want to reconcile and that is evident to me not contacting her. I attempted to in the beginning, but I have dropped all hope that there is a future for us.

 

I'm just curious to her motives. For someone who acts like they don't care and don't show their emotions ever, this has come as a shock to me. Just makes me think she's finally mourning the loss of the relationship instead of running away from everything.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, you're probably right. Good for you, saying you have moved on. This is the closure on it i guess.

 

Tip...block her and keep her blocked, in case she reverses her FB decision...protect yourself from FB...it sucks.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

You know what...I lied. I forgot that I sent her a letter last week with some of her belongings that I found while unpacking.

 

Basically the letter said that I was still waiting on a sizable debt she still has yet to pay me, and I told her I hate being lied to and she needs to be an adult about paying me back. Maybe that pissed her off :p. Who knows...I shouldn't even care since she's not the same girl I fell in love with.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think you just answered your own question. You'll have to decide if the money owed is sizeable enough to warrant the aggrivation and expense of pursuing legal action to get your money back. Otherwise, you may want to consider chalking it up as a loss and lesson learned, and free yourself of the aggrivation pursuing it and being tied to her brings.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Yeah okie, I'm betting that was it. I don' know why she's not paying me back when she knows I was going to come after the money when she said she'd pay me. It's almost like she wanted me to contact her about it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I seriously don't stalk her page. I checked it 3 times in the past 4 months. By my terms, that's hardly stalking. We have history from this time last year that brought up some demons and I was just checking up on her to see if she was reacting, and lo and behold she was. She must have taken a look at mine quite often to finally crack and remove me.

 

Like I said in my first post, I'm not a Facebook guy where I take everything in like it's real life. I think it's a pawn for people who need lives and have to announce every event in their life so people don't forget about them.

 

I just find it odd that these changes started to happen after I made changes, and for someone as stubborn as her to actually remove me. Normally she's the one who states she doesn't care.

Edited by jdids247
Link to post
Share on other sites

She is going through an immense process of grieving. Losing a child and the emotions that come with that are unimaginably painful. She is depressed and struggling. If she is dating it's likely to have someone to lean on and help her through this tough time, though I highly doubt she is ready for a real relationship.

 

She probably deleted you on FB as she already went through that phase of (less to convince you than herself) that she was doing fine. Now she is starting to face her very painful emotions and she can't hide the fact that this deep sadness is her reality.

 

Having the history that the two of you shared and any connection to her severed is probably painful for you and I am sorry that you too are grieving a loss. It is really difficult to remain friends with exes, especially given all that you went through together. For her it is easier to remove reminders of that painful time (and you were a key part of that time) while she picks up the pieces. It reflects less on you (as in, not a rejection) but more on the fact that she is still hurting and needs time to heal and build new stories for herself.

 

Someday she may be feeling more stable and okay with all that passed and may reach out. Best thing for you to do is just let the past be the past. Work through the emotions that you need to and above all love and care for yourself.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I seriously don't stalk her page. I checked it 3 times in the past 4 months. By my terms, that's hardly stalking. We have history from this time last year that brought up some demons and I was just checking up on her to see if she was reacting, and lo and behold she was. She must have taken a look at mine quite often to finally crack and remove me.

 

Like I said in my first post, I'm not a Facebook guy where I take everything in like it's real life. I think it's a pawn for people who need lives and have to announce every event in their life so people don't forget about them.

 

I just find it odd that these changes started to happen after I made changes, and for someone as stubborn as her to actually remove me. Normally she's the one who states she doesn't care.

 

you're still trying to relate her life to yours, and trying to believe that she can't live as a person without doing something because of your influence. why can't she just be doing these things on her own? why can't it just be coincidental that she's making changes "after" you made changes?

 

it's easier to believe that people are doing different things in life because they are monitoring and tracking our every move, and they must be doing it to spite us...instead of just believing that they've moved on and have no clue what you're doing in life.

 

so sure, maybe her actions mirror and imitate your life and she stalks you.

 

or, maybe she hasn't given it a second thought, and you sending that threatening letter that she owes you money made her think "you know, i don't need that in my life and i haven't even thought about erasing but now i will".

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

It was hardly a threatening letter. When someone tells you that they'll pay a debt that they KNOW they owe and then break a promise, it's a question of integrity. I don't know how you were raised, but when you make a promise on something important, you better do it or face the consequences.

 

This isn't something that happened yesterday. It's been an ongoing debt for almost two years now. When we split, she stated more than once she would make payments. My letter was a reminder that "Hey, you owe me this. You stated you'd pay me in April and now it's September. Don't send me false hope and then back out of an agreement."

 

Never once did I say or assume that my changes influenced her. I just stated this didn't happen until after I made those changes. Coincidence? Maybe. Am I thinking into things too much? Probably.

 

Do you pay your bills? If you don't, there's ramifications right? How's that any different than sending a reminder letter stating I haven't forgotten about a debt that I, out of the goodness of my heart, helped out with in a time of need.

 

If she didn't want to deal with it, then she should have kept a promise instead of lying. That's pretty cold and immature if you ask me. That's not how the real world works.

 

She is going through an immense process of grieving. Losing a child and the emotions that come with that are unimaginably painful. She is depressed and struggling. If she is dating it's likely to have someone to lean on and help her through this tough time, though I highly doubt she is ready for a real relationship.

 

She probably deleted you on FB as she already went through that phase of (less to convince you than herself) that she was doing fine. Now she is starting to face her very painful emotions and she can't hide the fact that this deep sadness is her reality.

 

Having the history that the two of you shared and any connection to her severed is probably painful for you and I am sorry that you too are grieving a loss. It is really difficult to remain friends with exes, especially given all that you went through together. For her it is easier to remove reminders of that painful time (and you were a key part of that time) while she picks up the pieces. It reflects less on you (as in, not a rejection) but more on the fact that she is still hurting and needs time to heal and build new stories for herself.

 

Someday she may be feeling more stable and okay with all that passed and may reach out. Best thing for you to do is just let the past be the past. Work through the emotions that you need to and above all love and care for yourself.

 

Western,

 

This event happened over a year ago. I am past it and she claimed she is too...but obviously she isn't. I would get yelled at if I even mentioned it as the breaking point in our relationship.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This bothers you and she is getting under your skin. Otherwise you would not have even bothered posting this.

 

Do as others suggested. Block her FB page from your view forever and be done with it. Dont analyze what she did or why. Stay away from her. Dont give her the power to influence your heart or your brain. She made her choice so let her be.

Link to post
Share on other sites
you're still trying to relate her life to yours, and trying to believe that she can't live as a person without doing something because of your influence. why can't she just be doing these things on her own? why can't it just be coincidental that she's making changes "after" you made changes?

 

it's easier to believe that people are doing different things in life because they are monitoring and tracking our every move, and they must be doing it to spite us...instead of just believing that they've moved on and have no clue what you're doing in life.

 

so sure, maybe her actions mirror and imitate your life and she stalks you.

 

or, maybe she hasn't given it a second thought, and you sending that threatening letter that she owes you money made her think "you know, i don't need that in my life and i haven't even thought about erasing but now i will".

 

This is probably the case.

 

People have better things to do than stalk you on facebook. I know I do. In fact, I never even looked at that crap when I was in a happy relationship.

 

There really is no reason to stalk anyone, especially after you've broken up. Your vivid imagination will be the death of you.

Link to post
Share on other sites
This is probably the case.

 

 

There really is no reason to stalk anyone, especially after you've broken up. Your vivid imagination will be the death of you.

 

This is the exact reason why I unfriended my dumper ex from the dreaded FB

Link to post
Share on other sites
It was hardly a threatening letter. When someone tells you that they'll pay a debt that they KNOW they owe and then break a promise, it's a question of integrity. I don't know how you were raised, but when you make a promise on something important, you better do it or face the consequences.

 

This isn't something that happened yesterday. It's been an ongoing debt for almost two years now. When we split, she stated more than once she would make payments. My letter was a reminder that "Hey, you owe me this. You stated you'd pay me in April and now it's September. Don't send me false hope and then back out of an agreement."

 

Never once did I say or assume that my changes influenced her. I just stated this didn't happen until after I made those changes. Coincidence? Maybe. Am I thinking into things too much? Probably.

 

Do you pay your bills? If you don't, there's ramifications right? How's that any different than sending a reminder letter stating I haven't forgotten about a debt that I, out of the goodness of my heart, helped out with in a time of need.

 

If she didn't want to deal with it, then she should have kept a promise instead of lying. That's pretty cold and immature if you ask me. That's not how the real world works.

 

 

 

Western,

 

This event happened over a year ago. I am past it and she claimed she is too...but obviously she isn't. I would get yelled at if I even mentioned it as the breaking point in our relationship.

 

and there you go, dude. you get irate with just how i casually referred to it as "threatening" and you're showing YOUR perception of what you did, and defending it, regardless of how she may react to it.

 

THAT my friend, is the point. doesn't matter what YOU believe you've done with your actions or this letter, this is about how you made HER feel about it.

 

think about that, and not what "i" said to you about it.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...