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Broke nc, not coping after 4 month split


ballycastle

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ballycastle

4 months after my relationship ended I am still in a total state. i have broken NC twice after a month in each. NC makes me feel even worse. My ex has contacted me through out the last month NC but I did of not reply. until today.

 

I am not in a good place mentally at all. I have tried therapy, work outs, going out, but i feel no better just an empty shell of sadness. i have lost all zest for life. not because i believe that my boyfriend filled the void but because after living for nearly half a century, i have lost faith in humankind and no longer trust there is that person out there for me that wants to ride the waves with me.

 

I get really angry when I read we will find love again, as for me I do not believe that to be the case. Relationships for me = hurt and pain, not happiness.

 

I have tried for so many years, bought self help books, been to therapy and for what?

 

I sent my ex a message as had some bad news and he was the only one i wanted to reach out to. I feel a failure for doing it, but I am human, I miss him, he was the one before i used to share things with. Now there is no-one.

 

And whose to say that he doesn't miss me? I keep reading that if they want you back they say so. Supposing they don't want to be rejected either? Supposing they are scared too?

i made contact because i didn't want him to think i don't care. because i do. NC will not work for me, i cannot led go. i must hate myself that much to keep putting myself through this pain .

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And whose to say that he doesn't miss me? I keep reading that if they want you back they say so. Supposing they don't want to be rejected either? Supposing they are scared too?

 

What you're saying there is true. No Contact cannot totally eliminate the possibility that at some point in the history of the world, there was someone who actually wanted to get back together with their ex, but was scared of the rejection and waited to hear from that person first. But 99% of the time you will find that people get hurt by contacting their ex and hoping for a second chance. We've all been there before, it's entirely too easy to get caught up in thinking "what if they're just waiting to hear from me. Yes, that's it, I'm breaking NC today".

 

Here's the catch. Even if the person does silently want you back, the problem is they still don't care enough about you to make you more important than their own fear of rejection. If you really loved someone, wouldn't you tell them? Even if it meant rejection, embarrassment, or regret? Wouldn't it bother you every day wondering if you should tell them until you just can't wait anymore? Obviously the answer to all those questions is yes, because it's what you're going through right now. So, the flip side of that, is: don't you want someone who wouldn't let fear of rejection, embarrassment, whatever, stop them from telling you?

 

Theoretically, let's say you contact an ex and the best possibility happens, they say "yeah I've been wanting to get back together with you but just didn't want to say it". Isn't there something wrong with that picture? It's like a very backhanded compliment. That's not a true victory.

 

Well, that's usually the thought process I run through my head when I start to question NC again. Wouldn't you rather find someone who wouldn't let anything stop them if they really loved you? They wouldn't have left the relationship in the first place, and they wouldn't be sitting at home silently wishing you'd come back but wanting you to make the first move.

 

And besides, we're putting all this analysis into the most unlikely 1% of possibilities. It's entirely more likely that someone who does not seem to be making an effort at getting back together, doesn't want to get back together. They aren't thinking about us, they aren't missing us.

 

Your ex may have contacted you during NC but a lot of times people who leave a relationship don't have the backbone to truly leave it behind and live with their decision. They break up with people and then still expect to have them as a friend or a support system, someone to chat with, rather than owning up to what they did and realizing they had better find someone new to talk to when they're bored.

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