Nancy B Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 So, my boyfriend and I have recently had a dragged out break up. One where he changed his mind a lot. We even played with the idea of living together as friends from September. (We live abroad) There is advantages to living together but he decided it was an insane idea (I can see sense in this.) Though, I would have tried. Last week, he tells me he is moving across the city to live with two guys. I am already suffering major homesickness now. This came as a huge blow because I really wanted to live with him. Also, he promised a strong level of closeness even as friends. Now, that this opportunity has come about he claims he had said this to comfort me. If he moves away, I will never see him, I will be alone in our little crappy apartment in a dangerous area. I was devastated and threatened to return home. Over the week he said he will remain in my area. (separate apartments) However, last night, his buddies called him up. They found a great apartment and he wants to go again. He wants me to be okay with this. He said he wants to do what makes him happy but seems to be holding off on telling his current landlord until he gets my blessing. This is difficult. I know I am being selfish. But I don't want to condone this. I can't. Am I a terrible person? Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 No you are not terrible, but honey, you have to let him go. This is not good for you. This is not good for him. You are too dependent on him. You have to let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nancy B Posted July 18, 2012 Author Share Posted July 18, 2012 I plan to give him his space, I do. I just can't stand the thought of him being so far. We currently live five minutes apart. It's a comfort knowing how close he is. This is really difficult. How do I give my blessing to something that makes me so unhappy. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 I don't know dear. I think because it's the right thing to do. It's the best thing for you, even though it doesn't feel like that. But in the end, I guess you just have to be honest. At this point, it's all you can do. It's actually unfortunate because he's putting this stress on you. Why is he asking for your blessing? That's not fair to you. Link to post Share on other sites
jquest1280 Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 He wants your blessing so he can leave, guilt-free. As you've been whining and crying and clinging and dependent, he feels guilty to leave. But that's what he wants to do, and what he'll eventually do when he gets tired of emotionally suppoting you through this. Let him go, bone up and move on. Everyone on this site has been telling you that, but you refuse to, and this saga just goes on and on..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nancy B Posted July 18, 2012 Author Share Posted July 18, 2012 Thanks for your advice. I had done a lot of thinking today and this may be the thing to do. I am trying to move on and I am making progress. I come here for support while I struggle getting through this. If it were as easy as being over it within weeks I would not be here. If my 'saga' irritates you please don’t read my threads. I am entitled to heal at my pace and impatient comments like that undermine this. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted July 18, 2012 Share Posted July 18, 2012 Nancy, I know you are having a hard time, dear. I'm not annoyed with you. I just care. I suffer from anxiety. I know what it's like to be afraid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nancy B Posted July 19, 2012 Author Share Posted July 19, 2012 CopingGal, your comments have been nothing but kind and sensible. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
CopingGal Posted July 19, 2012 Share Posted July 19, 2012 You are welcome. Take care of you. Link to post Share on other sites
dragon820 Posted July 26, 2012 Share Posted July 26, 2012 So, my boyfriend and I have recently had a dragged out break up. One where he changed his mind a lot. We even played with the idea of living together as friends from September. (We live abroad) There is advantages to living together but he decided it was an insane idea (I can see sense in this.) Though, I would have tried. Last week, he tells me he is moving across the city to live with two guys. I am already suffering major homesickness now. This came as a huge blow because I really wanted to live with him. Also, he promised a strong level of closeness even as friends. Now, that this opportunity has come about he claims he had said this to comfort me. If he moves away, I will never see him, I will be alone in our little crappy apartment in a dangerous area. I was devastated and threatened to return home. Over the week he said he will remain in my area. (separate apartments) However, last night, his buddies called him up. They found a great apartment and he wants to go again. He wants me to be okay with this. He said he wants to do what makes him happy but seems to be holding off on telling his current landlord until he gets my blessing. This is difficult. I know I am being selfish. But I don't want to condone this. I can't. Am I a terrible person? He's being selfish too....and he's trying to free himself of guilt 'asking for your blessing' why would you bless something that doesn't make you happy, and why would your moving back home effect him, don't give him anything tell him to do whatever he needs to do but not to expect you to forsake what you want for what he wants, and move out of the dangerous area of go home. He's proven that he cares more for what he wants than what you want, or your safety, so accept what he's plainly telling and showing you........... Link to post Share on other sites
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