kourix Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 i just have to put this out there… i'm not going to justify my actions because i probably had this coming to me. but i've kept this from ALL my friends and i have no one to turn to and i'm just upset now wanting to rant. i went on a weekend trip with the ex. i just came back from it. it was pretty amazing. we went to a nearby island, had the place practically to ourselves. i live in the city, and this was the first time i saw the milky way. we were there for 2 days and 2 nights. first night we just laid under the stars, we went biking around the island the next day, and snorkeled. we had dinner and slept under the stars, along with a campfire the owners helped set up. it was a quiet weekend, so we had the fire and all to ourselves. we talked about many things, about his ex-gfs, about my ex-bfs, etc, but i didn't want to probe into his current life because i've learnt that "you shouldn't ask questions you don't want answers to", and we acted like a couple. however, after we left the island, everything changed. he became quiet and distant. due to some administrative error, we took the early boat back, and i asked whether he wanted to have dinner - he said no, it was too early. i said we could do a movie and dinner - and he said no, it was "inconvenient" because he had lots to do for work the next day. which was ironic because if we took the later boat home like we planned, we wouldn't even be home yet. but he just became cold and distant once we left the island… and i won't be messaging him again - there's nothing to say. if he wanted me he had the perfect chance to say it then, but he's already shown his true colours. i'm trying to smile because it happened, not cry because it's over, it's hard. it feels surreal. it just hurts now, and i feel like, the past two days never happened, that it was all just a dream. it's like - i had an amazing time, but the fact that we will not talk to each other anymore… it feels like - did it even happen? were we really there and acting that way? i can't stop crying. i can't blame him because he's always been very clear about his feelings - in fact i'm pretty sure he was messaging some girl when we came back. i know i'll be fine, i'm just hurting now. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 Sounds like he got away from reality and it hit him hard when it came back around. The relationship ended for a reason and the reason was just escaped temporarily. Link to post Share on other sites
geegirl Posted June 17, 2012 Share Posted June 17, 2012 You're trying to force a square peg into a round hole. You acknowledged in the past he used you for sex, didn't care about you and you even declared him a douchebag. Trying to turn him into something he cannot be. Lowering yourself to accept scraps hoping he'll come around. Trying to show him how wonderful you are and how great you are together so he'll realize he wants what you want. He was enjoying the fantasy of it all. Then vacation was over and reality hit and he was back to feeling what he's always felt and that is knowing what he cannot give you. Stop forcing someone to accept and love you. If anything the trip should have brought you closer, but instead he went back to being what he's always been. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mikezombie777 Posted June 18, 2012 Share Posted June 18, 2012 I'm so sorry you're going through this kourix, regardless of any mistakes you've made, you don't at all deserve to feel like you are. I wish I could just give you a big hug because I know exactly how you're feeling from first hand experience. I recently broke up with someone....and I've been hurt so many times before that as well. Know I'm thinking of you and maybe you can take comfort in knowing you aren't alone. Time will heal your wounds. Until then we just have to nurse them, okay? Eventually they will be nothing but distant memories, something of the past that doesn't even cross your mind Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted June 19, 2012 Share Posted June 19, 2012 NOW, go NC. I'm so sorry. That must hurt. While you saw it as a way of re-bonding, he saw it as an affirmation that he does not want to reignite a real relationship with you. No more trips, phone calls, letters, texts, or anything with this ex. Grieve the loss of the relationship. It's over. You are worth more than a footnote in somebody's life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kourix Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 You're trying to force a square peg into a round hole. You acknowledged in the past he used you for sex, didn't care about you and you even declared him a douchebag. Trying to turn him into something he cannot be. Lowering yourself to accept scraps hoping he'll come around. Trying to show him how wonderful you are and how great you are together so he'll realize he wants what you want. He was enjoying the fantasy of it all. Then vacation was over and reality hit and he was back to feeling what he's always felt and that is knowing what he cannot give you. Stop forcing someone to accept and love you. If anything the trip should have brought you closer, but instead he went back to being what he's always been. hey geegirl, you know, each i post on this forum, you've been consistently replying and everything you say always touches me deeply. and then i mess up and i feel so bad - it's gotten to a point where i feel so embarrassed when i see you replying, because i know i've been a total idiot, going against your words, basically stabbing myself in the heart, and then come on here crying about how he's mistreating me when in fact i've been enabling him. i get so sick of myself. thanks for still giving advice even when i'm so thick in the head. i write down some of your words and read them to myself sometimes when i feel really, really bad, and for a moment sometimes, i feel like, "hey i can do this, it all makes sense, he needs to be out of my life." Link to post Share on other sites
Author kourix Posted June 20, 2012 Author Share Posted June 20, 2012 thanks mike - i think somehow, it's finally hit home. i know we're not meant to be. lovelydaze - we have another trip coming up which is killing me because i want to end it right now, and i wish it was as simple as cancelling the trip... but it's not an option. so i'm really stuck at a crossroads, to be completely honest with him that i think we shouldn't be friends, or to suck it up till after the trip. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyDaze Posted June 21, 2012 Share Posted June 21, 2012 You can't cancel? Then, you've just paid for more heartbreak and I absolutely hate that for you. I know you must be hoping THIS next trip will work out better than the last. I can see where it will end up the same for you and that is just not what your heart and mind needs. Try to get out of it best way you can. If it is too much of a financial hit then all I can say is that for you to please take care of yourself and don't fall in to the same pattern by holding out hope of a reconciliation. He doesn't want one. Link to post Share on other sites
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